Is being married to a man being perpetually annoyed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what my best gay friend just told me. I'm in my 20s and he says if I ever want to get married I will have to tolerate being annoyed because for some reason all men are annoying.

I wanted to hear people's thoughts on this. He said women arent as annoying but he doesn't know why. I guess I dont know whether I want to get married if that's what it will be

Well, to be fair he doesn’t know how annoying women are in relationships.

He actually does. Both his parents got divorced and cycled though different stepparents. He said the women were okay to deal with but all the men were just annoying in some way or another. He said it's just a man thing.

So he wasn’t in a relationship with any of these women? Then he has no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the emotional differences that vary person to person. Hell, children are perpetually annoying and I would literally give my life for mine. That sacrificial attitude is much more common with women than men. Maybe that is what your bestie is alluding to.

That might be it. That and being aware of/empathetic to other people's feelings. Basically I was venting about my current boyfriend and how annoyed I was by something he did and he said every single man is annoying and I'll have to get used to it. I said I thought there must be men out there who aren't annoying and who will make a good partner and he said no, every man is annoying, and I'll have to deal with it if I want to get married.

I guess I'm not sure what to think. He's very insightful 99% of the time and I trust his judgment, even if it can be brutally honest at times

This is an issue that has been studied extensively and the research supports this, mostly due to social norms. men and women are wired differently, but there are exceptions, as with everything. Men tend to respond to problems with an action or solution; women tend to congregate and comfort. However there are men that have a high level of emotional intelligence, social awareness, and true empathy without being gay or effeminate. A person like Joe Biden comes to mind. But even if I think of someone like Joel Osteen who is always smiling, I am sure that Victoria gets annoyed with him sometimes! It’s the nature of relationships. It happens. You have to learn each other’s default style and speak to and from that place.

[Anonymous]

No. But I married someone who is responsible, emotionally intelligent, and funny. Humor and hard work covers all manner of sins.

[Anonymous]

I have been married for 11 years and can confirm that there is a constant level of annoyance at my husband always. Sometimes a high level, sometimes low, but it’s always there.

Honestly, had I known that marriage to a woman would have been an option, I would have gone that route.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to mature and pick better friends.

[Anonymous]

Married for 30 years. Been with my husband for 36 years.

I find the world annoying but not my DH. We know each other's triggers and avoid them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married for 30 years. Been with my husband for 36 years.

I find the world annoying but not my DH. We know each other's triggers and avoid them.

See this is the goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is he never going to be in a relationship?

No he says you just have to learn to deal with it so long as they're doing what you want them to do. I dont know if I want to be perpetually annoyed though

Your friend doesn’t seem to know much about how healthy relationships work. Maybe you should take what he said with a grain of salt for now and reevaluate if you ever find yourself in a situation where you are considering marrying someone. This is one thing you have to figure out for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Yes this is true.

[Anonymous]

Having a roommate for life is annoying at times, regardless of gender. Saying one gender is annoying and the other isn’t is sexist and stupid. Your friend is saying boys will be boys, aka you can’t change/teach them so you need to excuse them and get over your feelings so you can suck it up and make life pleasant for them, or else you’ll have to settle for being an old maid.

[Anonymous]

My husband can be annoying at times but it’s a small price to pay for him being amazing most of the time. Hopefully he feels the same way about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having a roommate for life is annoying at times, regardless of gender. Saying one gender is annoying and the other isn’t is sexist and stupid. Your friend is saying boys will be boys, aka you can’t change/teach them so you need to excuse them and get over your feelings so you can suck it up and make life pleasant for them, or else you’ll have to settle for being an old maid.

Sounds like he wasn't saying all genders are annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a roommate for life is annoying at times, regardless of gender. Saying one gender is annoying and the other isn’t is sexist and stupid. Your friend is saying boys will be boys, aka you can’t change/teach them so you need to excuse them and get over your feelings so you can suck it up and make life pleasant for them, or else you’ll have to settle for being an old maid.

Sounds like he wasn't saying all genders are annoying.

Right. He was being sexist and stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a roommate for life is annoying at times, regardless of gender. Saying one gender is annoying and the other isn’t is sexist and stupid. Your friend is saying boys will be boys, aka you can’t change/teach them so you need to excuse them and get over your feelings so you can suck it up and make life pleasant for them, or else you’ll have to settle for being an old maid.

Sounds like he wasn't saying all genders are annoying.

Right. He was being sexist and stupid.

NP. Kind of like the phrase "old maid"? Hmmm

[Anonymous]

I never married. Got a kid another way.

In my observation, being somebody’s wife always seemed equivalent with being somebody’s maid. No, thanks.