What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That wouldn't even register to me. Your child felt she could express her honest feelings to her mother. In the privacy of her own home. If she can't be honest in that environment where the hell CAN she be honest?

It only would have been rude if she'd said it to the gift-giver.

OP is the gift giver.

I'll still stick with my bolded statement. Because I think that is most important. Later, after the moment has passed I might say to the child "Hey the moment when you're receiving a gift is not the time to say anything negative. It's the time to say I'm so excited or thank you so much but tell me, as your parent, later, that you don't think it'll hold your attention. That's a more gentle way of saying something looks boring." But I definitely wouldn't send the gift back or punish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That wouldn't even register to me. Your child felt she could express her honest feelings to her mother. In the privacy of her own home. If she can't be honest in that environment where the hell CAN she be honest?

It only would have been rude if she'd said it to the gift-giver.

OP is the gift giver.

I'll still stick with my bolded statement. Because I think that is most important. Later, after the moment has passed I might say to the child "Hey the moment when you're receiving a gift is not the time to say anything negative. It's the time to say I'm so excited or thank you so much but tell me, as your parent, later, that you don't think it'll hold your attention. That's a more gentle way of saying something looks boring." But I definitely wouldn't send the gift back or punish.

I agree with you. I was just pointing out that OP was the gift giver and the person who had her feelings hurt. She was putting her hurt feelings as the gift giver ahead of her job as a parent. That's a mistake IMO.

[Anonymous]

I would have already returned it.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to stop infantalizing her. She is 7 a nd you post a question in the preschool forum instead of elementary school age kids
.

What I would do now would depend on what I had done before?

You say her rudness is habitual, so what have you previously done to correct it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to stop infantalizing her. She is 7 a nd you post a question in the preschool forum instead of elementary school age kids
.

What I would do now would depend on what I had done before?

You say her rudness is habitual, so what have you previously done to correct it?

How old are your kids? Do they not have any bad habits? They’re perfect? I know 37 year olds who blurt things out rudely, why should a 7 year old be expected to have perfect manners?

Returning the gift is lazy parenting imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to stop infantalizing her. She is 7 a nd you post a question in the preschool forum instead of elementary school age kids
.

What I would do now would depend on what I had done before?

You say her rudness is habitual, so what have you previously done to correct it?

She posted on the general parenting forum, not the preschool forum. She could’ve been age specific, but she isn’t wrong to list this as a general parenting question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to stop infantalizing her. She is 7 a nd you post a question in the preschool forum instead of elementary school age kids
.

What I would do now would depend on what I had done before?

You say her rudness is habitual, so what have you previously done to correct it?

She posted on the general parenting forum, not the preschool forum. She could’ve been age specific, but she isn’t wrong to list this as a general parenting question.

General parenting used to say that it was for preschool ages but Jeff changed that and now it is for general parenting not limited to specific ages. I still get confused sometimes too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to stop infantalizing her. She is 7 a nd you post a question in the preschool forum instead of elementary school age kids
.

What I would do now would depend on what I had done before?

You say her rudness is habitual, so what have you previously done to correct it?

She posted on the general parenting forum, not the preschool forum. She could’ve been age specific, but she isn’t wrong to list this as a general parenting question.

The vast majority of topics skew towards 5 and under.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Giving consequences without intentionally teaching her the skills to regulate her outbursts is like trying to sit on a two-legged stool. It doesn’t work. You think the consequence will “teach” her, but it doesn’t.

Yes it does work. You should try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to stop infantalizing her. She is 7 a nd you post a question in the preschool forum instead of elementary school age kids
.

What I would do now would depend on what I had done before?

You say her rudness is habitual, so what have you previously done to correct it?

How old are your kids? Do they not have any bad habits? They’re perfect? I know 37 year olds who blurt things out rudely, why should a 7 year old be expected to have perfect manners?

Returning the gift is lazy parenting imo.

Where did I say she should be expected to have perfect manners? What I did say is that what I would do would depend on what had been done before, OP has said this is an ongoing issues. I am sure she has done somethong to change her daughter's behavior, it would be helpful to know what that somethins is because generally speaking if one tactic doesn't work another might.

For example if OP has been doing what most suggest talking to her daughter about her rudeness, and not seeing results, she now may need to add on a consequence.

Back to your assertion that you think I think 7 year old should have perfect manners. I don't think anyone adult or child can be expected to be perfect all the time.
There's a trend I see on DCUM that goes he/she is only X age, as if to say don't bother teaching anything, excuse any and all behavior, but at the same time people have fits about their rude teenagers. These skills don't just magically appear, they have to be taught.

I also don't agree with the idea some pp floated that she should be allowed to be rude at home, because it's safe and directed towards her mom. A long time ago someone told me we raise our kids for others, we teach them how to be decent people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to stop infantalizing her. She is 7 a nd you post a question in the preschool forum instead of elementary school age kids
.

What I would do now would depend on what I had done before?

You say her rudness is habitual, so what have you previously done to correct it?

She posted on the general parenting forum, not the preschool forum. She could’ve been age specific, but she isn’t wrong to list this as a general parenting question.

The vast majority of topics skew towards 5 and under.

So? That doesn’t mean it’s only for 5 and under. On the forum heading page, right under general parenting is a link to the actual 5 and under board.

OP wasn’t wrong to post here instead of the elementary school age kids board, but I think she’s wrong to take away the gift or make a big deal of the kid hurting her feelings. 7yo kids aren’t known for tact, and it’s the parent’s job to teach them, patiently, not be melodramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short: I got a small gift for my 7yo child for a minor milestone event. She saw me open the amazon box (knowing it contained her gift) and she said “that looks boring” before she realized the other side looked much more interesting. She has a history of blurting out rude things like that and I’m losing patience for it. Debating if I should return the gift or not. What would you do?

What have you done in the past to address this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to imagine being more petty, OP. I would talk to her about it. 7 is still very impulsive.

+1

She's 7. Kids don't learn things instantly. You have to reenforce social rules over and over as they grow up.

One of my kids loves finding out what he's getting and blurting it out. Totally ruins the joy of the surprise -- FOR ME, not him.

Why don't you tell your DD why you thought she would enjoy it? If she changes her mind and likes it, will that be enough for you or do you want your own feelings soothed?

+2
You set her up for failure. That's on you.

FWIW, even adults have problems regulating emotions, not using filters, and are impolite.
You might want to think about if your DD learned it from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to stop infantalizing her. She is 7 a nd you post a question in the preschool forum instead of elementary school age kids
.

What I would do now would depend on what I had done before?

You say her rudness is habitual, so what have you previously done to correct it?

She posted on the general parenting forum, not the preschool forum. She could’ve been age specific, but she isn’t wrong to list this as a general parenting question.

The vast majority of topics skew towards 5 and under.

So? That doesn’t mean it’s only for 5 and under. On the forum heading page, right under general parenting is a link to the actual 5 and under board.

OP wasn’t wrong to post here instead of the elementary school age kids board, but I think she’s wrong to take away the gift or make a big deal of the kid hurting her feelings. 7yo kids aren’t known for tact, and it’s the parent’s job to teach them, patiently, not be melodramatic.

I think she'll get better advice on the board for school aged children. Geberal parenting tends to offer advice for toddlers and preschoolers, which is great for those ages, not so much fora 7 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to imagine being more petty, OP. I would talk to her about it. 7 is still very impulsive.

+1

She's 7. Kids don't learn things instantly. You have to reenforce social rules over and over as they grow up.

One of my kids loves finding out what he's getting and blurting it out. Totally ruins the joy of the surprise -- FOR ME, not him.

Why don't you tell your DD why you thought she would enjoy it? If she changes her mind and likes it, will that be enough for you or do you want your own feelings soothed?

+2
You set her up for failure. That's on you.

FWIW, even adults have problems regulating emotions, not using filters, and are impolite.
You might want to think about if your DD learned it from you.

How the hell di OP set her up for failure? PEople read a couple of parenting books and think they're child psychologists.