Any advice on how to homeschool an independent, resistant learner?

[Anonymous]

I have an 8yo. I wouldntsay she is resistant in general but definitely fights me on academic stuff. We did the DL in the spring and it was awful, she didn’t learn anything and we both disliked being tied to the laptop at set times every day. I have pulled out of MCPS and will homeschool the next school year. I am outsourcing math twice a week ( Mathnasium) and have teemed you with another mom to help each other out. Over the summer I have found the work gets done better if I wrote out a clear list that she can cross out as she goes. We have a white board in the playroom we can both write on. I have told her if she gets it all done by x time we can do y in the afternoon as an incentive. I am contemplating offering cold hard cash for reading starting in Sept. I will do reading comprehension workbooks with her but also expect her to read to herself for 30 mins. I’m thinking for every book she finishes I’ll give her a dollar or something .... so she wants to read every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An 8 year old raging is a SN. Find out what’s causing this.

If you decide to homeschool, read this:
https://www.amazon.com/Unstuck-Target-Executive-Curriculum-Flexibility/dp/1598572032

Read it anyway. Your child has issues with flexible thinking, hence the doubling down and regulation, hence the rages. Unstuck was developed with kids on the spectrum and retested with kids who have adhd.

Yikes this book is $105. Can you tell me more about it so I can decide if it would help us?

FWIW I don't think my child would actually be diagnosed as ASD or ADHD, but she certainly has many similar traits and may be somewhere in that gray area. Academically, she excels in school and I think that is because she is very bright in terms of memory, comprehension, and abstract thinking and she is also very competitive and a bit of a perfectionist with school. We don't push her, she pushes herself. The rages have really gotten better as she has gotten older, and also we mostly stopped doing the things that cause her to rage (change something without her input, use "punishment" or negative consequences, be critical of her behavior, etc.

Inflexibility to an unexpected change is a classic sign of autism just so you know. Many bright people are on the spectrum so it’s not a matter of intelligence. Glad it’s getting better for you.

Here’s an overview of of unstuck you can watch:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=r8Dy4Nf7Rk4

Here’s the parent book:
https://www.amazon.com/Solving-Executive-Function-Challenges-Unstuck/dp/1598576038/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=unstuck+and+on+target+book&qid=1597355602&sprefix=unstuck+a&sr=8-4

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8yo. I wouldntsay she is resistant in general but definitely fights me on academic stuff. We did the DL in the spring and it was awful, she didn’t learn anything and we both disliked being tied to the laptop at set times every day. I have pulled out of MCPS and will homeschool the next school year. I am outsourcing math twice a week ( Mathnasium) and have teemed you with another mom to help each other out. Over the summer I have found the work gets done better if I wrote out a clear list that she can cross out as she goes. We have a white board in the playroom we can both write on. I have told her if she gets it all done by x time we can do y in the afternoon as an incentive. I am contemplating offering cold hard cash for reading starting in Sept. I will do reading comprehension workbooks with her but also expect her to read to herself for 30 mins. I’m thinking for every book she finishes I’ll give her a dollar or something .... so she wants to read every day.

I'm the mom with the TL/DR post above and the bolded is so true for my kid. He's a smart 10 year old, but somehow he seems to think that if it's typed up on a list then it's official and it's not worth it to argue. That's true even though he sees me typing the list. It's amazing how well this single strategy works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An 8 year old raging is a SN. Find out what’s causing this.

If you decide to homeschool, read this:
https://www.amazon.com/Unstuck-Target-Executive-Curriculum-Flexibility/dp/1598572032

Read it anyway. Your child has issues with flexible thinking, hence the doubling down and regulation, hence the rages. Unstuck was developed with kids on the spectrum and retested with kids who have adhd.

Yikes this book is $105. Can you tell me more about it so I can decide if it would help us?

FWIW I don't think my child would actually be diagnosed as ASD or ADHD, but she certainly has many similar traits and may be somewhere in that gray area. Academically, she excels in school and I think that is because she is very bright in terms of memory, comprehension, and abstract thinking and she is also very competitive and a bit of a perfectionist with school. We don't push her, she pushes herself. The rages have really gotten better as she has gotten older, and also we mostly stopped doing the things that cause her to rage (change something without her input, use "punishment" or negative consequences, be critical of her behavior, etc.

Inflexibility to an unexpected change is a classic sign of autism just so you know. Many bright people are on the spectrum so it’s not a matter of intelligence. Glad it’s getting better for you.

Here’s an overview of of unstuck you can watch:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=r8Dy4Nf7Rk4

Here’s the parent book:
https://www.amazon.com/Solving-Executive-Function-Challenges-Unstuck/dp/1598576038/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=unstuck+and+on+target+book&qid=1597355602&sprefix=unstuck+a&sr=8-4

PP, I hope you check back on this post. I watched the Unstuck video and found it very compelling and had a lot of strategies I could use with my child. Thanks so much for sharing. I'm still unsure if my child would end up receiving the diagnosis, but she shares pretty much all of the same challenges, just maybe to a lesser extent.

What age is ASD or ADHD typically diagnosed? I have brought up concerns with her 1st grade and 2nd grade teachers, and her 1st grade teacher thought it was more just her natural personality rather than any reason to be concerned. Her 2nd grade teacher looked at me like I had two heads as he had zero concerns. Both teachers were very experienced (almost 20 yrs of teaching experience) and I thought they were excellent teachers so I valued their assessment.

Thanks,
OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An 8 year old raging is a SN. Find out what’s causing this.

If you decide to homeschool, read this:
https://www.amazon.com/Unstuck-Target-Executive-Curriculum-Flexibility/dp/1598572032

Read it anyway. Your child has issues with flexible thinking, hence the doubling down and regulation, hence the rages. Unstuck was developed with kids on the spectrum and retested with kids who have adhd.

Yikes this book is $105. Can you tell me more about it so I can decide if it would help us?

FWIW I don't think my child would actually be diagnosed as ASD or ADHD, but she certainly has many similar traits and may be somewhere in that gray area. Academically, she excels in school and I think that is because she is very bright in terms of memory, comprehension, and abstract thinking and she is also very competitive and a bit of a perfectionist with school. We don't push her, she pushes herself. The rages have really gotten better as she has gotten older, and also we mostly stopped doing the things that cause her to rage (change something without her input, use "punishment" or negative consequences, be critical of her behavior, etc.

Inflexibility to an unexpected change is a classic sign of autism just so you know. Many bright people are on the spectrum so it’s not a matter of intelligence. Glad it’s getting better for you.

Here’s an overview of of unstuck you can watch:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=r8Dy4Nf7Rk4

Here’s the parent book:
https://www.amazon.com/Solving-Executive-Function-Challenges-Unstuck/dp/1598576038/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=unstuck+and+on+target+book&qid=1597355602&sprefix=unstuck+a&sr=8-4

PP, I hope you check back on this post. I watched the Unstuck video and found it very compelling and had a lot of strategies I could use with my child. Thanks so much for sharing. I'm still unsure if my child would end up receiving the diagnosis, but she shares pretty much all of the same challenges, just maybe to a lesser extent.

What age is ASD or ADHD typically diagnosed? I have brought up concerns with her 1st grade and 2nd grade teachers, and her 1st grade teacher thought it was more just her natural personality rather than any reason to be concerned. Her 2nd grade teacher looked at me like I had two heads as he had zero concerns. Both teachers were very experienced (almost 20 yrs of teaching experience) and I thought they were excellent teachers so I valued their assessment.

Thanks,
OP

Also to add - I had my 8yo try the exercise of drawing the novel diagram. It doesn't look like she has issues with understanding the big picture or getting tied up in the details, so most likely not ASD. It does look like she has a strong perfectionist streak, as she drew and erased about 60 times. Her pace is slow and methodical, and she ended up using the entire 10 minute limit I gave her. The drawing was near perfect. Her 2nd grade teacher also brought the issue of her constant erasing too - I think I will need to work on her perfectionism with her.

[Anonymous]

OP this sounds like a very typical gifted child. Highly capable but complicated! They are actually the perfect candidates for homeschooling but you’ll need to do some trial and error to figure out what works best for her. Don’t get too caught up in getting a lot done each day, esp in the beginning. Start small and build stamina. Make a daily rhythm chart and don’t sway from it. Predictable routine which includes little bits of seatwork. Just 5 minutes at a time is fine in the beginning.