MIL Story - Can you beat it?

[Anonymous]

I know your hormonal and I hope I don't sound too harsh, but it is just not your role to mediate between your DH and MIL. Frankly, for you to smooth things over between them makes you an enabler - it allows her to continue her bad behavior, because she knows that she can behave badly and you'll come to her rescue to fix things so she can continue to be a part of your lives without having to respect appropriate boundaries that you or your DH put in place.

Now, it may be that at some point and time you find that you feel that your DH is too harsh with your MIL and that you might want to pave the way for her to have a better relationship with your child. But that conversation would be between you and DH, and I think all you could do is encourage and make your view known.

BTDT with my MIL and Mom!

[Anonymous]

What IS it with people! My son was born 7 weeks ago and my husband decided that his middle name should be that of MY MATERNAL grandfather. That has my PATERNAL AUNT's knickers in a twist. The poor child was barely a minute old before being embroiled in some ridiculous family nonsense. I understand entirely what you're going through. Let MIL stew in her juice for awhile. Sorry that you have to deal with this. As someone who has to deal with this kind of rubbish fairly constantly, I've learned now to ignore these kinds of people for the most part. Although, I must admit, it does get to me.
Hang in there. You have your beautiful daughter. NOTHING can top that!

[Anonymous]

Congratulations for both the baby and for having a great husband!

Here's one for you: my dad died a few days after dc was born, my mom had a total mental breakdown as a result and my master's thesis due date loomed (I finished when dc was 3 months old). Oh, and I thought my boobs were going to fall off. Still, my MIL yelled at me when she realized that the thank you cards (52 of 'em) to her friends were sent four weeks late. There is still a little part of me that hates her for it.

[Anonymous]

Your husband rocks for standing up to her!

I'm sorry you all had such a bad experience with her on such a special day, that's horrible.

[Anonymous]

I want to marry your husband!

[Anonymous]

Congrats on the birth of your child.

And, I will echo the PPs about kudos to your DH for having a backbone and sticking up for your joint decision. My DH and I have had similar problems with MIL and FIL for the 10 years we have been married. Unfortunately though, it really was never handled at each flare up and the resentment grew every year. Now, we don't speak at all to them. Not my preferred position...but honestly, it has been like heaven!

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

My MIL sucks, my whole family sucks, but what I have always told myself is I can not choose family, I can choose not to have any thing to do with them and to surround myself with great friends, that will be there when I need them without all the crap and guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations for both the baby and for having a great husband!

Here's one for you: my dad died a few days after dc was born, my mom had a total mental breakdown as a result and my master's thesis due date loomed (I finished when dc was 3 months old). Oh, and I thought my boobs were going to fall off. Still, my MIL yelled at me when she realized that the thank you cards (52 of 'em) to her friends were sent four weeks late. There is still a little part of me that hates her for it.

OMG! Just a little part still hates her? You're a saint.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster that you should not get in the middle--that is a manipulation trap that your MIL is setting up and you are falling into. It is not your job to get involved with why she is angry about anything--this is all your hubby. My mom who is wonderful is also a bit nutty and used to cause problems with my borther and his wife. Finally my brother stepped in and created some boundaries--my mom would pout and of course blame my sister in law but ..with time..she realized it just wouldn't cut it because my SIL would say she needed to talk to her son and my brother would say --mom if you act like this, we are going to have problems. Finally..when my mom saw she couldnt' get her own way..she backed down.. Mind you..my mom would also get silly like also trying to decide when they should get married, where they should live.. I should warn that the "boundary" process can take a while..took my mom several years to get it..but now all is fine and she nows better than to say anything about SIL in front of brother or me for that matter since I also told her that I don't want to be in the middle. Good luck to you and know that "this too shall pass"--what this is really about is control and her having dificulty giving up the formal "mom" role.