Honestly, how do you prevent teen daughters from wanting to show explicit "t and a" on social media?

[Anonymous]

I had a friend whose appointment to a very prestigious public position was almost derailed by an innocuous posting she made about a vacation trip, which was manipulated into something bad by someone else. I used that to explain why having a low social media presence is good, years before she even cared about such things. Do talk and monitor, a lot, is my advice.

I agree with this approach. I'm in crisis communications professionally and I've been talking like this to my son since he was 9 or 10.

Use real life examples. It's legitimately hard for undeveloped brains, who live in the here-and-now, to appreciate "forever." Showing them concrete examples of embarrassing pics of *peers* might help make the point. Or like a PP said, find a really unflattering photo of the kid's toddlerhood on your phone and ask if they'd want the whole school to see that?

I know we're talking about girls here but the point is important for both — teen boys get in trouble for receiving sexts and for sending pix of their junk. And for whatever reason, an alarming subsection of tween/teen boys enjoys sharing "jokes" about the holocaust, hitler, swastikas, lynching, rape and other 110% unfunny topics. This has happened repeatedly at my son's 2 private schools.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to talk to her a lot about this, and your values, and listen to her thoughts, so she can talk about it openly. I would not let any child of mine be on Tik-Tok. At the school where I taught, it was nauseating to hear sixth graders remark which kid had porn in their phone.

You also have to talk about images you see on TV and in ads, so that she starts to recognize what is appropriate and what isn’t. I also find that reading books about teens that had trouble with the effects of social media can illustrate your point in a way kids can remember.

[Anonymous]

My brother and sister in-law's daughter is 13 and is allowed to follow all the Kardashians and other sluts on social media. Literally 1,000+ degenerate young ladies. But mom thinks it's okay because she monitors what SHE posts. Umm, WHAT?! Like seeing all those images isn't brainwashing her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and sister in-law's daughter is 13 and is allowed to follow all the Kardashians and other sluts on social media. Literally 1,000+ degenerate young ladies. But mom thinks it's okay because she monitors what SHE posts. Umm, WHAT?! Like seeing all those images isn't brainwashing her daughter.

Yeah it sounds like you have a healthy approach to women all figured out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:RE: "it's normal"

No, it's not "normal" to sexualize 12 to 17 year old girls while they wear practically nothing for strangers and mimic explicit sex acts for "fun" on social media, permanently placing the images and videos on the internet.

Not 12 year olds— but 13-17 year olds? Cmon. Most of us would have been married at 17 and popping out kids 100 years ago. Sexualizing teenagers is a thing in every culture I’ve seen. Putting the images online? Not great, but let’s not pretend that these girls wouldn’t have been sexualized in other ways outside of the internet

[Anonymous]

Millennial and Generation X moms posting fully nude photos of them breastfeeding or giving birth (looking at you Eva Martino) but a teen shaking her clothed body is explicit?

Such hypocrisy. I'm shocked at you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it's possible, OP. I remember sneaking out of my house in skin tight clothes and liking the attention that I received from guys. It did make me feel pretty. Now I'm pretty modest and a professional with a couple of degrees from top schools. I don't know what would have made the difference, honestly, but I can't imagine that anything my parents said or did would have changed things. I was immature because I was a kid and so did stupid things and then I grew out of it.

This. And biglaw partner now. But things were different then. I would emphasize that she will never be able to erase her history and it WILL affect her future. I think that would have resonated with me. I also was obsessed with boys, so tell her most boys se would be interested would like would actually look down on her as a girlfriend. My 15 DS has told this to my 12 DD and it is working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our youngest daughter is age 11. Nearly every time I jump on social media I see girls a little bit older than her wearing essentially nothing, shaking these butts, just really sad and desperate use of their bodies for attention seeking. If this is what they show the public, I can safely assume it's more explicit on their fake instagrams, snapchats and TikToks. Even KAC's young daughter is doing it on TikTok (top trend on twitter as I type this).

This scares the crap out of me and my husband. I want to stress it's clearly not every tween and teen gal, but my Lord, it seems like most of them. Is there a secret to raising a mentally balanced tween / teen gal that has self respect and isn't at all interested in this or is it totally random? I'm not some prude, I partied in high school and college, but this is just not cute at all. It's actually really, really low and sad.

Wow. It's none of your business what others post unless they are bullying your daughter.

As for your kid, I am so sorry she has such a judge mental mother.

I am going to fix this for you. Teach her confidence, teach her sex ed, teach her how to dress that she's comfortable and show her how to us social media responsibly and or take her social media away if you don't like her posts or where she is looking.

Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our youngest daughter is age 11. Nearly every time I jump on social media I see girls a little bit older than her wearing essentially nothing, shaking these butts, just really sad and desperate use of their bodies for attention seeking. If this is what they show the public, I can safely assume it's more explicit on their fake instagrams, snapchats and TikToks. Even KAC's young daughter is doing it on TikTok (top trend on twitter as I type this).

This scares the crap out of me and my husband. I want to stress it's clearly not every tween and teen gal, but my Lord, it seems like most of them. Is there a secret to raising a mentally balanced tween / teen gal that has self respect and isn't at all interested in this or is it totally random? I'm not some prude, I partied in high school and college, but this is just not cute at all. It's actually really, really low and sad.

That’s the SM you and your child are viewing. Since SM is about your connections, that says a lot about your (and your child’s) choices in friends and celebrities.

My kids range from 14-27. This has not been an issue for us. And we’re not religious fundamentalists or anything.

[Anonymous]

Tik Tok is a particularly egregious software in that the software is owned by the Chinese and required to share data with the Chinese Communist government. All Tik Tok data can be shared with Chinese authorities.

Tik Tok is anti LGBT and removes all media that is pro LGBT.

Tik Tok blocks videos about human rights in China, particularly about reeducation camps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tik Tok is a particularly egregious software in that the software is owned by the Chinese and required to share data with the Chinese Communist government. All Tik Tok data can be shared with Chinese authorities.

Tik Tok is anti LGBT and removes all media that is pro LGBT.

Tik Tok blocks videos about human rights in China, particularly about reeducation camps.

Tik Tok does not remove pro LGBT posts from its American platform. Possibly true in China.

[Anonymous]

Haha. You all don't know the half of it. I am privy to a not-yet-published news investigation that is delving into the cottage industry of underage girls (even under 15) selling "private" pics, videos, and EVEN live video chat sessions for money. Girls (and boys) are brought into (recruited) into these circles by their peers who are already "earning" a steady "income".

Does your child have a Venmo account? PayPal? Bitcoin? Secret Amazon wish list/gift list? Any sort of account that allows them to earn "points" for any sort of financial reward? Anything that allows them to receive cash or income or gifts?

It's running rampant in the local DMV community.

[Anonymous]

Basically, if your child has a "smart" device with a camera and internet connection behind closed doors as well as TikTok, Snapchat, or any platform that lets them to a live stream (even Instagram), chances are they are already involved in this kind of stuff.