What to do if your kid refuses to comply with consequences?

[Anonymous]

My mom would say “go to your room for 15 minutes!” And if I argued or stalled “20!” Then “25”. I don’t think I ever got beyond 30.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of parents of reasonably compliant children on this thread. I have one. He's pretty easy. Sometimes we need to come down harder on him or sit down and have a talk. Mostly he just needs reminders.

My other child is a contrarian and will not do what you ask him to. It needs to be his own decision. Period. Yes, he does miss out on things sometimes, but that's the way he's built.

[Anonymous]

If they are small enough, then I physically take them to their rooms.

Bigger kids get a chore from the “job jar” if they don’t comply with a direction. They lose all privileges until they do it. I have one particularly defiant child who will wait for a long time. I do still talk to him, play with him, and feed him meals when he has lost his privileges.

[Anonymous]

You walk them back to their room and the clock starts again. You might have to repeat this many times. The most important part is that you must hold out until he complies. Do not give in.

[Anonymous]

I have a 2.5 year old and just started doing a 2 min timeout. Ive told him the consequence ahead of time- a repeating bad behavior that we have tried to ignore but is escalating- and if he says no. I tell him that the consequence for doing x is a timeout for 2 min. Do you want to walk up the stairs to your room or do you want me to take you? Usually he will waffle and then begrudgingly go up the stairs. If he doesnt by 3, then I take him upstairs. I sit outside his room with the door open and say 2 minutes, no playing. If he gets up, I sit him back down. After the two minutes is up, I offer a hug or a sit on my lap and we go over why he had to do a timeout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You walk them back to their room and the clock starts again. You might have to repeat this many times. The most important part is that you must hold out until he complies. Do not give in.

The reason why OP needs to give us the age of her child is this. This is a great strategy for a 2 year old or a 5 year old or maybe an 8 year old. But by the time your kid is a tween or teen, they are getting beyond your ability to physically control them and trying to walk them back to their room is a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Praise him for being a patriotic American and doing what the heck he wants despite what those in charge may say.

[Anonymous]

Depending on the issue and gravity I escalate the consequence- usually cut off Internet/electronics privileges. If it is pretty bad, I resort to spanking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the issue and gravity I escalate the consequence- usually cut off Internet/electronics privileges. If it is pretty bad, I resort to spanking.

You're out of control if you're resorting to spanking. If you're taking away electronic privileges, that means you have a kid that is old enough to understand directions and to regulate. You need some other strategies beside taking away electronics and hitting. Find a parenting coach or class to enroll in now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the issue and gravity I escalate the consequence- usually cut off Internet/electronics privileges. If it is pretty bad, I resort to spanking.

You're out of control if you're resorting to spanking. If you're taking away electronic privileges, that means you have a kid that is old enough to understand directions and to regulate. You need some other strategies beside taking away electronics and hitting. Find a parenting coach or class to enroll in now.

Not PP but disagree that you're out of control if you resort to spanking. PP is the parent. If child chooses to continue to disobey they need to taught who is in charge. Taking away electronics is the way to go. Electronics are optional and kid has to earn the privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the issue and gravity I escalate the consequence- usually cut off Internet/electronics privileges. If it is pretty bad, I resort to spanking.

You're out of control if you're resorting to spanking. If you're taking away electronic privileges, that means you have a kid that is old enough to understand directions and to regulate. You need some other strategies beside taking away electronics and hitting. Find a parenting coach or class to enroll in now.

Not PP but disagree that you're out of control if you resort to spanking. PP is the parent. If child chooses to continue to disobey they need to taught who is in charge. Taking away electronics is the way to go. Electronics are optional and kid has to earn the privilege.

The problem with taking away electronics as a punishment is that it also punishes the parents. My kids' electronics time is the only peaceful time I get all day long. Thus, I'm reluctant to impose this as a consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the issue and gravity I escalate the consequence- usually cut off Internet/electronics privileges. If it is pretty bad, I resort to spanking.

You're out of control if you're resorting to spanking. If you're taking away electronic privileges, that means you have a kid that is old enough to understand directions and to regulate. You need some other strategies beside taking away electronics and hitting. Find a parenting coach or class to enroll in now.

Not PP but disagree that you're out of control if you resort to spanking. PP is the parent. If child chooses to continue to disobey they need to taught who is in charge. Taking away electronics is the way to go. Electronics are optional and kid has to earn the privilege.

The problem with taking away electronics as a punishment is that it also punishes the parents. My kids' electronics time is the only peaceful time I get all day long. Thus, I'm reluctant to impose this as a consequence.

And your kids know it. When we take electronics kids are told to find something to do or we'll find something for them. If they refuse to cooperate then the electronics suspension lasts longer.

[Anonymous]

Considering it’s the General Parenting forum, I assumed kids were younger. For the posters who think taking electronics is a punishment for the parents, you are a pushover. After a few times of taking away their electronics, they KNOW you mean business.