If you are single, never married.. do you feel it was by choice or circumstance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman, 48. I never met a man I loved enough and I wasn't willing to settle. But no regrets. My married sisters, cousins, and friends are at best middling satisfied with their men.

Eh, not sure I buy this completely. I think most women (at least the ones I know) are very happy with their partners. I think it's just a cultural thing women tend to whine/complain about their relationships and maybe more so to single friends for whatever reason.

Which is super weird. Why would your single friends want to hear about you complaining about your husbands who don't take care of the kids and spend their time stretched out on the couch in underwear scratching themselves? Keep that shit to people who can relate.

[Anonymous]

First by circumstance, then by choice. Had things turned out differently, I probably would have married, had kid(s), and now be miserable at 40 longing for the life that could have been. By not meeting the right person, I was able to really get to know myself and what I wanted. Now I wouldn't even want a domestic life. If Prince Charming rolled up, we'd come to an agreement where we spent a lot of time together but had our own living spaces, and definitely no children. I will never underestimate the fact that this is even I choice I have. In olden days, I would have been obliged to marry one of the assholes who courted me, and I never would have had the economic means to survive on my own.

[Anonymous]

Me-- age 59, never married.

Choice and circumstance: there were 2 men in my life I would have married, but they did not want to marry me. On the other had, I have turned down 5 marriage proposals. I had two live-in relationships.

At 40 I decided to become a mom on my own. I loved raising my daughter as a single mom. She knows my story, and she can make her own choices in her romantic and family life. There are no expectations. I have never said to her "when you get married." I have always found that obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male or female?
Age?
Main reason you never married?

For my close friends who never married, it was a mixture of both. It is/was just life. They all had a few options along the way that did not work out for one reason or another. I do think for some, it is hard to make that leap of faith and jump.

[Anonymous]

It's got to be the right guy at the right time. I actually find that pretty miraculous to happen.

I am always sorry for someone whom I see "settling" -- and it's usually the female.

[Anonymous]

34 and circumstance as I just haven’t met the right guy. My older sisters are both married to great guys and I envy them.

[Anonymous]

Single here. 48. Never married. I have to honestly say there is only 1 marriage amongst all my friends throughout my adult life that I actually admire. I even told my friend that a couple of years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Choice. I got tired of the unreasonable demands men make in permanent relationships - always expecting me to do extra work, to put their interests before mine and to give up life goals.

No you’ve got that wrong. It’s not “men.” It’s the men you met. My husband doesn’t do any of that.

Why are you on this thread, PP?

She has not yet reached her daily quota of dagger-throwing.

Ah yes. Correcting misperceptions is “dagger throwing.” Got it.

NP you aren't adding anything to the post.

[Anonymous]

Not me personally but one male friend, single, mid 40's, circumstance. He says he is lonely and would like a relationship, he is on dating apps however hasn't had success.

Female friend - choice. Single and has been forever. She is happy and says she doesn't want a relationship. She has an active social life and helps with her nieces and nephews. She seems really content.

Another female friend - circumstance. She is very independent and likes to do things alone, she has tried dating but her relationships fail. I think she would like a relationship but is also happy single.

[Anonymous]

I guess a combination of both. I certainly met and dated men I would like to have married, but the feeling wasn't reciprocated. There also were men that I turned down. I don't regret the latter at all, as our clashing world views would have made my life miserable. I find DC men in my age bracket (early 50s) to be very difficult: constant complaining and expectation that he woman's career would take a back seat. I live elsewhere now, and find men easier to deal with.

I had a child on my own, and our lives are fine. Married women that I know seem to have it harder than I do. Most of them have two kids, and a husband who doesn't do the heavy lifting with the kids, but who still has opinions. The women take career hits, while still working full time and juggl ing four people's schedules.

I get to make all of the decisions and juggle only two schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not me personally but one male friend, single, mid 40's, circumstance. He says he is lonely and would like a relationship, he is on dating apps however hasn't had success.

Female friend - choice. Single and has been forever. She is happy and says she doesn't want a relationship. She has an active social life and helps with her nieces and nephews. She seems really content.

Another female friend - circumstance. She is very independent and likes to do things alone, she has tried dating but her relationships fail. I think she would like a relationship but is also happy single.

Just curious- is the guy attractive/appealing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single here. 48. Never married. I have to honestly say there is only 1 marriage amongst all my friends throughout my adult life that I actually admire. I even told my friend that a couple of years ago.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not me personally but one male friend, single, mid 40's, circumstance. He says he is lonely and would like a relationship, he is on dating apps however hasn't had success.

Female friend - choice. Single and has been forever. She is happy and says she doesn't want a relationship. She has an active social life and helps with her nieces and nephews. She seems really content.

Another female friend - circumstance. She is very independent and likes to do things alone, she has tried dating but her relationships fail. I think she would like a relationship but is also happy single.

Just curious- is the guy attractive/appealing?

No the guy isn't attractive, he does have good qualities, very sociable, funny, financially secure. He does have some flaws as we all do. Possibly a little too close with family, he jumps when they tell him to do something is easily influenced by them, can be a little too frugal with money, maybe now he is a little too set in his ways. He has had two previous relationships. One lasted 2 years but she was so controlling and jealous she tried to cut him off from friends and family, he broke it off.

[Anonymous]

>>>No the guy isn't attractive, he does have good qualities, very sociable, funny, financially secure. He does have some flaws as we all do. Possibly a little too close with family, he jumps when they tell him to do something is easily influenced by them, can be a little too frugal with money, maybe now he is a little too set in his ways. He has had two previous relationships. One lasted 2 years but she was so controlling and jealous she tried to cut him off from friends and family, he broke it off.<<<

I know similar guy -- maybe the same one?! He finally met someone at 50, she i in her late 40s. He was adamant about not wanting children; he finally met someone who felt the same way. He wanted to date me -- we had been friends for 10 years -- but, ahh, he was in my "friend zone" because he is simply not attractive to me. I loved him as a friend, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman, 48. I never met a man I loved enough and I wasn't willing to settle. But no regrets. My married sisters, cousins, and friends are at best middling satisfied with their men.

Eh, not sure I buy this completely. I think most women (at least the ones I know) are very happy with their partners. I think it's just a cultural thing women tend to whine/complain about their relationships and maybe more so to single friends for whatever reason.

Women have much higher expectations regarding marriage than men.