Saving money on not hosting people you don’t like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else secretly thrilled that you’re saving money on not throwing big bashes for graduations, weddings, big birthdays, etc? Or even small gatherings of family you don’t like? I am. Celebrating immediate family milestones with just us is stress-relieving and saves money.

I bet many, many people feel the same about not having to see you!

Fair point. That’s what made it so stressful. Learning that it’s fruitless to spend money you don’t have, to buy things you don’t need, to impress people you don’t like. Actually, we have money, but I’m learning to spend it on things that are productive—charity, exercise equipment, healthful food. Not on people who don’t like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would YOU host for graduations, weddings and big birthdays? I only host for my immediate family. Attending would be another matter.

If your child were getting married or graduating, wouldn’t you be inviting extended family? Or if your MIL were turning 80, wouldn’t you at least chip in on a party? Sure, I am also saving money not attending these things—travel, gifts, clothing, etc.

Not if I don’t like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else secretly thrilled that you’re saving money on not throwing big bashes for graduations, weddings, big birthdays, etc? Or even small gatherings of family you don’t like? I am. Celebrating immediate family milestones with just us is stress-relieving and saves money.

I bet many, many people feel the same about not having to see you!

Says the type of in-laws the op is trying to avoid!

[Anonymous]

Yes it is great!

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you leaving it up to a global pandemic to make your decisions for you?

If you don't want to host them...don't host them!

Or, if you feel compelled to occasionally host them, scale it back and keep it simple.

Life is simple when you grow up, realize you are in charge of your own life, make your decisions, and live your choices. Try personal responsibility. It can be very freeing!

[Anonymous]

I’m 5% bummed I don’t get to throw a birthday party for my kid and 95% relieved.

[Anonymous]

No. I miss my friends and family.

[Anonymous]

I married into a culture in which family gatherings drag on for hours and DH always insisted on staying over at ILs for Christmas because he could not do the hourlong drive home. Finally, I told him he could stay but I would drive so that we could wake up that morning in my house, where I am in charge of everything from food to decorations to the timing of meals. He capitulated. It felt like the first real Christmas I'd ever had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married into a culture in which family gatherings drag on for hours and DH always insisted on staying over at ILs for Christmas because he could not do the hourlong drive home. Finally, I told him he could stay but I would drive so that we could wake up that morning in my house, where I am in charge of everything from food to decorations to the timing of meals. He capitulated. It felt like the first real Christmas I'd ever had.

Why didn't your childhood Christmases, and all the other Christmases you had before you married in to your husband's family, feel "real"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish this would extend to Christmas. I’d love a Christmas at home!

Yes, hopefully more and more people keep dying, losing their jobs, facing food instability and falling into depression, so that you can skate by with this excuse instead of growing a pair and learning to say NO, WE'RE STAYING HOME THIS YEAR.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never invite people we don't like to begin with.

I don’t either but I can’t stop having my inlaws over because I don’t like them. Maybe you can...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish this would extend to Christmas. I’d love a Christmas at home!

No to worry. You’ll get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish this would extend to Christmas. I’d love a Christmas at home!

Yes, hopefully more and more people keep dying, losing their jobs, facing food instability and falling into depression, so that you can skate by with this excuse instead of growing a pair and learning to say NO, WE'RE STAYING HOME THIS YEAR.

This.

+1. Some of us figured out how to be grown-ups and took responsibility for our own choices before the pandemic.

My husband and I achieved our own balance. We sat down and decided what we did and did not want to do, and where we were and were not able to give and to compromise. We mapped out what we wanted our holidays to look like, what we wanted our celebrations to look like, etc. It's much more satisfying to design and live your own life than to be in a position to be glad for a time when people are dying, suffering, and jobless.