what I didn't realize about having X number of kids before I had X number of kids

[Anonymous]

I had no clue what a breeze it would be having a third kid years after the first two (they were 7 and 9 when he was born). They thought he was adorable and all their friends did as well. It truly was like having a little village raising this one very easy child. He conked out early from 6 weeks onward, exhausted by all the attention.

Some of this comes down to temperament, obviously, but we still can’t believe how easy it has been (11 years later) compared to the stress of dealing with a baby and toddler at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Second child taught me that I didn't need to e.g. repeatedly go into a child's room at night to make sure the child was still breathing. Soon as number two was born, I was instantly more relaxed and less anxious about all child related matters.

Plus, the same thing everyone else talks about as far as your influence on your child being much less than you thought it was.

[Anonymous]

New babies are always a big change in the family dynamic, no matter which number it is. You think when you have your first that you have childcare figured out, you know what kind of parent you are, you know how to swaddle, feed, and potty train...but then it brings with it a whole new set of challenges. While you are changing #2, #1 goes and pulls the ceramic cookie jar off the shelf.

Then you have #3, and you feel like you have a routine for chores, know all of the baby stuff, and are totally prepared for the transition. But then the routine is thrown off completely. The baby doesn't want to nap, you can't get a load of laundry done, and it starts to feel impossible to get to work.

Then with #4 you feel like this is going to be a breeze, and it kind of is...until they are about 2. Then you have three older kids who are pretty comfortable with xyz, but now you also have a tantruming toddler to deal with

I love my kids deeply, and I am glad that I had all of them. My fourth is the most social, friendly little kid, and I am so happy he exists. But it can be a challenge to raise him!

[Anonymous]

PP here who didn’t figure out her kids were individual little humans til I had three (!!) - just wanted to add: people say, oh you must have it all figured out by now with four kids but the truth is they are all so different the learning curve starts all over again with each kid! I mean, you don’t sweat the same small stuff with four as with one- but what worked with one kid is not guaranteed to work with another one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids don't fit in a regular taxi anymore... stupid I know, but it's really hard while traveling in foreign countries.

This is honestly one of the reasons I only wanted two kids.

Same here. Also, families of four fit in hotel rooms so much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hadn't realized that with four we would divide them into "the big kids" and "the little kids".

When we had a second marriage that resulted in a total of six kids, I hadn't realized that I'd go from trying to coddle each to teaching them all to be more easy-going. So I will totally say things now like "Who wants to be my favorite by finding my keys?" and 3 or 4 kids will start laughing and running to find my keys.

I think this isn’t as funny as you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I didn't realize about having one child, and stopping at one (intentionally, not that we have to explain that to anyone) is how much we'd hear "When are you gonna have another?" while DC was small. It was fine and expected and sweet from folks like our elderly friends at church and elderly relatives. And people our own age, no matter how many kids they had, were cool and never asked. But it was surprising how many strangers see a parent--mom OR dad--with one child and immediately ask if there's a sibling, and then say things like, "Well, maybe DC will get a sibling to play with!" It ended once DC was about preschool aged, but...lack of boundaries, people!

Very true. It hasn't stopped, either, even though DD is 7 and I'm in my 40s.

Not to be sappy but before I had a child I was much less empathetic and compassionate. Feeling love and responsibility for this little person, and realizing everybody had been a baby like this, really changed me.

[Anonymous]

Before I had #1, I literally didn’t know anything. Like, I thought you could just put them in their crib when they were tired and they would sleep. Hahaha.

Before I had #2, I thought I knew everything and that if I did everything the same as I did for #1, I would get a similar outcome. Hahahaha.

Before I had #3, I did not realize how important the relationships among our family members were. It wasn’t just parents’ individual relationships with each child, but also ensuring that the kids all were able to appreciate each other, play together, help each other, and so on.

Before I had #4, I underestimated my kids’ desires to love on and hold and care for a new baby. It might just be the age spread of my particular kids, but I swear the baby is never put down. If I put him on an activity mat or blanket for a moment, a kid will come along and just scoop him up. It is incredibly sweet how much they all want a part in caring for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I didn't realize about having one child, and stopping at one (intentionally, not that we have to explain that to anyone) is how much we'd hear "When are you gonna have another?" while DC was small. It was fine and expected and sweet from folks like our elderly friends at church and elderly relatives. And people our own age, no matter how many kids they had, were cool and never asked. But it was surprising how many strangers see a parent--mom OR dad--with one child and immediately ask if there's a sibling, and then say things like, "Well, maybe DC will get a sibling to play with!" It ended once DC was about preschool aged, but...lack of boundaries, people!

Very true. It hasn't stopped, either, even though DD is 7 and I'm in my 40s.

Not to be sappy but before I had a child I was much less empathetic and compassionate. Feeling love and responsibility for this little person, and realizing everybody had been a baby like this, really changed me.

Count it as a compliment -- you look young!

Basically people are going to keep asking as long as, if they squint, you look like you are still in your fertile years. Encouraging folks that one likes to have children is deeply ingrained cross-culturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had no clue what a breeze it would be having a third kid years after the first two (they were 7 and 9 when he was born). They thought he was adorable and all their friends did as well. It truly was like having a little village raising this one very easy child. He conked out early from 6 weeks onward, exhausted by all the attention.

Some of this comes down to temperament, obviously, but we still can’t believe how easy it has been (11 years later) compared to the stress of dealing with a baby and toddler at the same time.

Your post bring back some amazing memories. My younger sister and I were 7 and 8 when my brother was born. He was our baby. We wanted to do everything for him. We changed him, fed him and played with him all the time. Those were some of my best memories as a child.

He is in his twenties now, and he is still our baby.

[Anonymous]

3 kids. I had read all the blog posts about “zone defense”, minivans and not fitting into hotel rooms and so I thought I was prepared for that. What no one told me:

1. What a challenge the age gap would be. My 3 were all spaced about 2.5 years apart and my oldest was in K when I had my 3rd. Being in eementary school, with back to school nights and PTA meetings and field trips and what not, while I had a newborn, was hard. Could not be as involved as I wanted to be.
2. Similar to 1, I felt like I lost my parenting cohort. The mom friends I made with my oldest all stopped at 2 and were moving on in life. Scheduling play dates during nap time and going to those PTA meetings I was skipping. OTOH I just could not relate to the first time moms that primarily made up any mom/baby meetups during my maternity leave. This might be different in you live in an area where more people have 3+ kids but in the city it’s rare.
3. The economies of scale I used to justify a lot of the gear I bought didn’t quite work out the way I anticipated. Had to replace stroller, infant car seat, etc.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had been richer and more energetic in my 30s and gone for a 4th.

[Anonymous]

I always thought I wanted a more equal childcare partnership, but with multiple kids, it's honestly just easier to take on the load than to delegate to DH and deal with the half a dozen things he's missed as part of the delegation.

[Anonymous]

+1 on not realizing how much having a bigger gap between kids (#3 is y years younger than #2) would mean how much everyone dotes on the baby and what a sweet relationship that can be.

Totally depends on the personalities of the older siblings, but one of my older kids just loves our little one, they have a super special bond I worried that kids with an age difference wouldn't have. She was the first one to make the baby laugh, she's the one baby sometimes calls for instead of me.

[Anonymous]

I didn't know that having an Only, by choice, would work out so beautifully. We are the happiest little family of 3 and want for nothing. DS is 17 now and I have never, not once, yearned for more kids.

Prior to getting pregnant, I assumed we'd have 2. After baby arrived it was obvious to me that 1 was the correct number.