Acting incapable really works

[Anonymous]

If it works for you then great. I just ask my husband nicely to do whatever and he does and vice versa. If he sees laundry needs to be done (His or kids or even mine) he does it. If I cook dinner he does the dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Equality and partnership without manipulation. You should try it sometime!

And lacking respect. Great idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Equality and partnership without manipulation. You should try it sometime!

And lacking respect. Great idea!

How is equality and partnership without manipulation “lacking respect”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Equality and partnership without manipulation. You should try it sometime!

And lacking respect. Great idea!

How is equality and partnership without manipulation “lacking respect”?

DP. I think PP was agreeing with you -- both "without manipulation" and "[without] lacking respect," but I could be wrong. Maybe there are still people who think the only way to be respectful of a partner is to fake it up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, except when partner is ADHD or otherwise impaired snd truly cannot get their act together. No amount of strategic incompetence will make them step up. They will literally let the trash overflow and let bills go unpaid. I have living proof of that every day before my eyes...

+1 this strategy does not work in my household (I tried! Then came a shutoff warning notice from Pepco ...)

I’ve successfully employed it at work, though. Once I was at a meeting with some chauvinists. It was decided to order lunch for the next meeting. Lunch never came because it was assumed that I would order it. I was the only female, but outranked 3/4 of the room. I knew that they’d assumed my nurturing femaleness would lead to lunch for them, but joke’s on them. (Plus I hate conference room lunches. It’s a special sort of hell.)

[Anonymous]

I’m divorced, but I totally do this with dating. I flat-out tell men that I can’t cook and I very rarely clean up afterwards when they make dinner.

In reality I’m a fantastic cook but I don’t want to set a precedent that I’ll do most of the cooking and cleaning. I did that in my 20s, and all it did was land me a bunch of guys who were happy to sit around watching tv while I did all the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m divorced, but I totally do this with dating. I flat-out tell men that I can’t cook and I very rarely clean up afterwards when they make dinner.

In reality I’m a fantastic cook but I don’t want to set a precedent that I’ll do most of the cooking and cleaning. I did that in my 20s, and all it did was land me a bunch of guys who were happy to sit around watching tv while I did all the work.

You’ll definitely repel the losers with this tactic, but you’ll also repel good guys who are put off by the fact that you never help them clean up after they cook! In my house, I usually cook and DH always cleans up.

[Anonymous]

Funny division of labor story. I had a friend who lived in a rural area so their home heating was an outdoor propane tank. The division of labor was she did inside stuff and he did outside stuff. Since the tank was outside she did not call for a fill. Since the heat was inside he didn't call for a fill.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I feel sorry for OP and all the people who agree. I would hate to have my husband think I was incompetent. We share things equally. He cooks and cleans more than I do, and it's not because he doesn't think I can do either of those.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call this “strategic incompetence” and it’s incredibly effective. Employed CONSTANTLY by men in our culture. The only way to fight back is to be strategically incompetent at some stuff yourself. This is one reason I never learned to cook. Not interested, sounds super unappealing. I’m sure I could learn, but I choose not to. So no one ever expects me to do it.

Ended up marrying a guy who is a true equal partner - and does all the cooking

Funny, my wife learned this trick from her my Scarlet O'Hara MIL and will say, "no one taught me how to do that," so how can you expect me to...

- know it should be done?
- know how to do it?
- care enough to do it?

From time to time she'll notice me doing chores and ask if I want her to do something, as if she is a child or doesn't even live here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH thinks I’m incompetent at many things, because I act like a lily of the field (toil not, neither do I spin). So he takes on 50% of the childcare and housework. I do the organizational things. When I actually clean something he’s shocked and appreciative. Y’all should try it sometime.

Nice troll inflection. We all know males will do nothing and lower the denominator until you're all living in filth and your kids turn into screens themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny division of labor story. I had a friend who lived in a rural area so their home heating was an outdoor propane tank. The division of labor was she did inside stuff and he did outside stuff. Since the tank was outside she did not call for a fill. Since the heat was inside he didn't call for a fill.

love that game of chicken Who Can Be the Laziest. Hope they don't have kids to raise and parent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny division of labor story. I had a friend who lived in a rural area so their home heating was an outdoor propane tank. The division of labor was she did inside stuff and he did outside stuff. Since the tank was outside she did not call for a fill. Since the heat was inside he didn't call for a fill.

love that game of chicken Who Can Be the Laziest. Hope they don't have kids to raise and parent!

LOL Opens the cabinet. "What happened to all our plates and glasses?" uh, they're all over the counter, dirty.

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day, a successful marriage is simply an exercise in manipulation.