Anyone skip celebrating their kids' birthday with family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Family” in our house means mom, dad, brother, sister. Not grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc. We generally celebrate with immediate family only unless someone in the extended family just happens to be around.

Many of you here work way too hard to include everybody in everything. We just don’t have the energy for it. Honestly I think it’s why so many of you have family and in-law stres.

It's usually not all our extended family, but at minimum I've always invited my parents, my brother, and my husband's parents. My in-laws would be upset if not invited.

Is this OP? You have not mentioned why they cannot come to the birthday dinner on the birthday?

If that's not a possibility, then I guess they'll have to be upset. However, if it's a tradition that everyone cares about, you could also push it out. We don't do this in my extended family, but things that we do celebrate together (christmas, thanksgiving) are often pushed out a month or two away from the actual date. We don't care if we are 'celebrating Christmas" in early February - for us, that just means a time to get together for a meal and give presents to the kids, so it doesn't matter when it happens.

[Anonymous]

Why not ask your kid? My 5 year old would be very sad if his grandparents couldn’t come. They live an hour away and we’ve always tried to find a weekend where it works. I have a good relationship w my in-laws and our our kids to see an expansive definition of family but I know that doesn’t work for everyone.

[Anonymous]

You guys must have very young kids and very small families. This has never been a thing with my large and spread out extended family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't they come to her birthday dinner?

The birthday is on a weeknight - and family lives 1-2 hours away, so it needs to be a longer type of engagement. And some of the family work late during the week, and some of the family wants to avoid driving at night time. For various reasons, it has always been on a weekend. But the weekends are fully booked up this month.

[Anonymous]

We have never indulged this type of thing. From your post, if your in laws complain about joining the kids party and don't want to drive on a weeknight, they are basically expecting that you manufacture a celebration for them. Its the kid's birthday not theirs so I would not do it.

[Anonymous]

I did a family birthday ONCE and never again. And I hear about it every year, but I don't care. For my own sanity, there are no extended family birthdays AND they are not invited to whatever "celebration" I can bother throwing together 3 weeks after Christmas. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Neither side lived near us and they used to travel and insist on celebrating each child’s birthday. This only lasted through the preschool years. Now if we happen to see either side in the same month as someone’s birthday someone may get a cake and it’s likely a celebration for Larlo, Larla, grandpa, uncle joe and whoever else is there and has had or is having a birthday in a few months. Really it’s an excuse for cake.

Birthdays are celebrated with immediate family and the kids have a party with friends. The grandparents would not want to come to paintball or a sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It think I would just invite them to the dinner on the actual birthday. They can decide if they want to make the trip. They could always make a day of it, do other things while in town also...

This is what I would do. Invite them, and they can come if they want to/can make it, or they can say no if it doesn't work for them.

Yup, I think this is the best solution. Let them be the ones to say no. You aren't obligated to have a family dinner plus family weekend party plus friends party.

[Anonymous]

Both sets of grandparents and one BIL came for the first two birthdays, but not after that. We live pretty far away from them, otherwise we'd probably have them over for dinner & cake on the night of.

[Anonymous]

As an IL with only 2 kids to my SIL 6. Let me say, you do NOT need to invite us to every party!!!!

[Anonymous]

Our children are all 8 and under so the birthday parties are kid focused with their friends. If the grandparents can make it that’s great but we don’t schedule it around their availability.

[Anonymous]

We live 3 1/2 hours from anyone in my family, and 4+ hours from anyone in DHs. My kids birthdays are 5 weeks apart and we'll often plan a birthday dinner each year mid-way between them and invite everyone down for the weekend, but we don't do it every year and when we do, obviously not everyone can make it. So my kids are used to celebrating with just their sibling, DH and myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't they come to her birthday dinner?

The birthday is on a weeknight - and family lives 1-2 hours away, so it needs to be a longer type of engagement. And some of the family work late during the week, and some of the family wants to avoid driving at night time. For various reasons, it has always been on a weekend. But the weekends are fully booked up this month.

And if it matters to these relatives then they will adjust their schedules to accommodate and come to the dinner.

[Anonymous]

Good suggestions above OP. Invite them to your family dinner even if you do it on the actual birthday. Its their choice to come or not. If they whine about it, ask them to come for the weekend friends party. Again, leave the choice to them. That way you'll be off the hook.

[Anonymous]

Family party should be more important than friends party. Sorry not sorry.