Who here has a long term partner that they never plan to marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mil. Widowed in her 50s, left very well off.
With a man for 10+ years. He is a good companion but does not have anywhere near her assets. She will not marry him because she says there is no reason to and marrying him could give him rights to her assets which she plans to leave to her kids and grandkids.

62 YO man here. I’ve been with my GF for about 7 years now and living together for over 2 years.
She’s a widow and never wants to marry again. Btw, we’ve known each other since college so this isn’t “new” for either of us.
She has an 8 figure net worth and I have just over $1MM in assets.
We have joint health insurance, title our cars in both names, share a cell phone plan.
She owns the house we live in and I own solely a condo that generates rental income.
She has no children and I have 2. She has me in her will for $1MM. She is not in mine.
I’d like to marry, but it’s not a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^right? I don’t get what the poster was referencing about alimony reforms.

Generally if someone is receiving alimony, it ends if they remarry. So they cohabitate instead of marrying again. I think this is what PP is talking about. I think alimony in perpetuity is less common than it used to be though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I won't marry despite being in a 10+ long live-in relationship, and even though he just recently asked!

My SO has grown kids. I don't have any at all. Although I came along well past the divorce, the kids never warmed up to me. At all.

My SO is quite generous with giving them his money which is his right. As his SO, I don't have a dog in that financial fight. We keep our finances separate. But as a wife I would probably have something to say about it, especially if we joined finances.

He once said he'd go bankrupt (if needed) because his one kid needed medical care because kid didn't have insurance.

Again, that's fine and his prerogative as a parent. But I'm not hitching my financial security and future to that.

How does your SO feel about all this? I see myself in a similar situation in the near future, but my SO acts like it's a lack of commitment on my part.

[Anonymous]

I’m a 67 year old man and a widower and I’ve been with a woman for 6 years and we’ve lived together for 5 years with no intention of getting married. We both have 2-3 children who are all married and we each have a few grandchildren. We both have a high net worth though mine is likely 2-3 times hers. We live in my home and I cover most of the expenses excluding most of the groceries which she buys. Our finances are completely separate so when she is buying things for herself or her family it comes from her accounts and the same with me. When we travel we do our best to split the costs. Nothing in my will would go to her except that she could live in my home for a year before the estate would sell it. Getting married would lead to a level of financial complexity that’s just not worth it to either of us and if the relationship went south that would be just as bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won't marry despite being in a 10+ long live-in relationship, and even though he just recently asked!

My SO has grown kids. I don't have any at all. Although I came along well past the divorce, the kids never warmed up to me. At all.

My SO is quite generous with giving them his money which is his right. As his SO, I don't have a dog in that financial fight. We keep our finances separate. But as a wife I would probably have something to say about it, especially if we joined finances.

He once said he'd go bankrupt (if needed) because his one kid needed medical care because kid didn't have insurance.

Again, that's fine and his prerogative as a parent. But I'm not hitching my financial security and future to that.

How does your SO feel about all this? I see myself in a similar situation in the near future, but my SO acts like it's a lack of commitment on my part.

While your SO may think it's a lack of commitment, I would say this: If we are together it's because we both WANT to be together, not because of any legal document.

IMO, I also believe that you shouldn't fix what isn't broken. If your relationship is going well then why change it for a marriage license? As I mentioned, if I were my SO's wife I would have expected more input on certain things and it probably wouldn't have gone well - and might have even ended our relationship. (Like his generosity towards his adult kids, one of whom has more income and assets than I do.)

I also think that once someone has children, no matter how old they are, those kids will always come first. I think that is fundamentally in conflict with marriage vows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 67 year old man and a widower and I’ve been with a woman for 6 years and we’ve lived together for 5 years with no intention of getting married. We both have 2-3 children who are all married and we each have a few grandchildren. We both have a high net worth though mine is likely 2-3 times hers. We live in my home and I cover most of the expenses excluding most of the groceries which she buys. Our finances are completely separate so when she is buying things for herself or her family it comes from her accounts and the same with me. When we travel we do our best to split the costs. Nothing in my will would go to her except that she could live in my home for a year before the estate would sell it. Getting married would lead to a level of financial complexity that’s just not worth it to either of us and if the relationship went south that would be just as bad.

If I were her, I'd have a problem with the caveat that I could only live in your house for a year post your demise. And if you care for her future, you might want to revisit that.

Sure, it's your property but imagine ten years from now she is in her 70s, perhaps not in the best of health. Your house has been her HOME, and now she will have to uproot herself and find a new place to live within a year. Not to mention prices will have gone up and she may have trouble affording something else. She could wind up in sub-standard living situation at a very fragile time of life. Even if she could afford something comparable, it's very hard to be uprooted and move - on top of grieving over YOUR death.

Why not let her live in the house until her demise with it going to the estate then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mil. Widowed in her 50s, left very well off.
With a man for 10+ years. He is a good companion but does not have anywhere near her assets. She will not marry him because she says there is no reason to and marrying him could give him rights to her assets which she plans to leave to her kids and grandkids.

62 YO man here. I’ve been with my GF for about 7 years now and living together for over 2 years.
She’s a widow and never wants to marry again. Btw, we’ve known each other since college so this isn’t “new” for either of us.
She has an 8 figure net worth and I have just over $1MM in assets.
We have joint health insurance, title our cars in both names, share a cell phone plan.
She owns the house we live in and I own solely a condo that generates rental income.
She has no children and I have 2. She has me in her will for $1MM. She is not in mine.
I’d like to marry, but it’s not a deal breaker.

Ha ha ...of course you'd like to marry her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 67 year old man and a widower and I’ve been with a woman for 6 years and we’ve lived together for 5 years with no intention of getting married. We both have 2-3 children who are all married and we each have a few grandchildren. We both have a high net worth though mine is likely 2-3 times hers. We live in my home and I cover most of the expenses excluding most of the groceries which she buys. Our finances are completely separate so when she is buying things for herself or her family it comes from her accounts and the same with me. When we travel we do our best to split the costs. Nothing in my will would go to her except that she could live in my home for a year before the estate would sell it. Getting married would lead to a level of financial complexity that’s just not worth it to either of us and if the relationship went south that would be just as bad.

If I were her, I'd have a problem with the caveat that I could only live in your house for a year post your demise. And if you care for her future, you might want to revisit that.

Sure, it's your property but imagine ten years from now she is in her 70s, perhaps not in the best of health. Your house has been her HOME, and now she will have to uproot herself and find a new place to live within a year. Not to mention prices will have gone up and she may have trouble affording something else. She could wind up in sub-standard living situation at a very fragile time of life. Even if she could afford something comparable, it's very hard to be uprooted and move - on top of grieving over YOUR death.

Why not let her live in the house until her demise with it going to the estate then?

PP - it was her decision not mine. It’s a big house and she would not want to be in it alone. She would like to be near her children which makes a great deal of sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mil. Widowed in her 50s, left very well off.
With a man for 10+ years. He is a good companion but does not have anywhere near her assets. She will not marry him because she says there is no reason to and marrying him could give him rights to her assets which she plans to leave to her kids and grandkids.

62 YO man here. I’ve been with my GF for about 7 years now and living together for over 2 years.
She’s a widow and never wants to marry again. Btw, we’ve known each other since college so this isn’t “new” for either of us.
She has an 8 figure net worth and I have just over $1MM in assets.
We have joint health insurance, title our cars in both names, share a cell phone plan.
She owns the house we live in and I own solely a condo that generates rental income.
She has no children and I have 2. She has me in her will for $1MM. She is not in mine.
I’d like to marry, but it’s not a deal breaker.

Ha ha ...of course you'd like to marry her!

I can understand your thinking that.
Keep in mind that we’ve known each other 40+ years.
Also, when we started dating we were within $1MM of each other in net worth. She owned stock in a privately held company that skyrocketed when it went public. Good for her, and quite frankly, it’s been good for me as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mil. Widowed in her 50s, left very well off.
With a man for 10+ years. He is a good companion but does not have anywhere near her assets. She will not marry him because she says there is no reason to and marrying him could give him rights to her assets which she plans to leave to her kids and grandkids.

62 YO man here. I’ve been with my GF for about 7 years now and living together for over 2 years.
She’s a widow and never wants to marry again. Btw, we’ve known each other since college so this isn’t “new” for either of us.
She has an 8 figure net worth and I have just over $1MM in assets.
We have joint health insurance, title our cars in both names, share a cell phone plan.
She owns the house we live in and I own solely a condo that generates rental income.
She has no children and I have 2. She has me in her will for $1MM. She is not in mine.
I’d like to marry, but it’s not a deal breaker.

How do you have joint health insurance if you are not married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mil. Widowed in her 50s, left very well off.
With a man for 10+ years. He is a good companion but does not have anywhere near her assets. She will not marry him because she says there is no reason to and marrying him could give him rights to her assets which she plans to leave to her kids and grandkids.

62 YO man here. I’ve been with my GF for about 7 years now and living together for over 2 years.
She’s a widow and never wants to marry again. Btw, we’ve known each other since college so this isn’t “new” for either of us.
She has an 8 figure net worth and I have just over $1MM in assets.
We have joint health insurance, title our cars in both names, share a cell phone plan.
She owns the house we live in and I own solely a condo that generates rental income.
She has no children and I have 2. She has me in her will for $1MM. She is not in mine.
I’d like to marry, but it’s not a deal breaker.

How do you have joint health insurance if you are not married?

We live together and have a domestic partnership. Very common.

[Anonymous]

We've been in a relationship for over 7 years. We may live together soon but I have no plans to marry her. I guess you could say I've been stringing her along but there is no good reason for me to marry. BTDT. There is nothing I need from marriage.