Not sure nanny is the right fit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and she sounds like an adequate nanny, but nothing special.

I agree that playdates aren’t needed for infants, but when my charges are infants we are singing songs, getting new books at the library, going to museums, playing outside in different environments, setting up sensory activities, etc. My guess is that if she were doing projects and outings other than playdates or classes then you wouldn’t be posting. Instead, you are using the lack of playdates and classes as more of a proxy for your general sense that she is not independent. You don’t want a babysitter-type nanny where you have to plan and she executes; you are looking for a parenting team partner—someone with knowledge of child development and the ability to curate a rich and stimulating environment for your child.

Being regularly late is a big problem in and of itself, but the overall problem seems to be that you have kind of a lackluster nanny.

So there are two ways to go here:
First is to hire a new nanny, but if you hired this one then either something is wrong with your hiring process or something is “wrong” (undesirable) with your job. So before you jump into hiring someone new, take a look at your job requirements and benefits packages. If you know any nannies you like through friends or maybe someone who babysits for you on weekends and so on, ask them to go over your job requirements and benefits and give feedback. Then think carefully about what you want in a nanny and what is negotiable and start hiring with that clear vision. Ask a lot of in-depth, open-ended questions and if you are hiring for someone who is a self-starter look for people who have their own questions and are interviewing you too.

The other option is that you may find in asking around that your job requirements and benefits package are out of step with the nanny market in ways you can’t fix. Either you can’t afford a competitive wage or you need too much flexibility or some other issue. If that is the case, I would look at daycares in your area, because past the infant stage a good daycare is going to be better in many ways than a meh nanny. It will be less convenient, but should be a cost savings. Another solution is looking at nanny shares, since that would give you access to a higher caliber nanny than you could afford solo.

Excellent advice. Reflecting on your gig from a nanny’s perspective will help you get the best worker for your dollar.

[Anonymous]

Lateness is the only issue here. You sound like you’re looking for a household manager.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I disagree with most of the posters. Your nanny is average. She is doing the bare minimum and that’s what a lot of families settle for bc they do not want to pay well but want a nanny. They then say, we found an excellent nanny and didn’t have to pay a lot. They don’t know what excellent is bc they haven’t actually experienced excellent. An excellent, experienced and professional nanny is absolutely doing everything on your list, but they aren’t cheap. They are seeking out activities for all stages of their charges life and being generally helpful. DC libraries have wonderful storytimes and activities for every age. So at the very least your nanny should be utilizing those as they are free. I am at the library with my charge for an activity at least 3 days a week.

I also disagree that play dates at that age are only for adults. I have been doing play dates with my current charge (and all the kids I have taken care of) since they were 6 months. My charge absolutely lights up when she sees other babies and has been able to try to mimic crawling and pulling up from other babies. Babies love babies. Yes, there is parallel play but there is also a connection there. They see someone their size and it adds to curiosity of others and new skills.

Lateness everyday is inexcusable. No professional nanny is arriving late every day. This alone is enough to fire someone. I agree with the poster that said you need to re-evaluate your hiring process and overall package.

[Anonymous]

Next!
You need a new nanny - this one is mailing it in.

[Anonymous]

Totally agree - your nanny sounds average. This is just a job and she will do what is asked and probably not go above and beyond. For some that is fine.

If you want more you can certainly find it. I know many nannies out there who do everything you mentioned and more. I have had 3 nannies over the years and all have done everything you mentioned without ever having to be asked.

[Anonymous]

I had several nannies. My observations.
I knew to buy diapers and ilk and everything. I am the mom. This is my job.
I organized all activities, nanny went where I said.
I asked nanny to read the books and how much TV, or activities to do.
However, you want something else and that is ok. You can either see if she needs more direction, maybe she is new to being a nanny? Maybe she is not a mom herself? Or you can find a new nanny if she seems resistant to do activities and what not. I would try some guidance first before firing her. Maybe she needs a bit more from you? You are her boss, so try that approach? If it doesn't work out with some more guidance, then decide. But, your baby is 10 months old. Perhaps a daycare around 18 months would be a better fit? Teachers will have a ton of activities for 2 year olds, and there will be other kids there to socialize?

[Anonymous]

1. Tracking nursery supplies is a given for most nannies. Make a chart and put it on the nursery wall, that way there’s excuse.

2. Some nannies make homemade baby food, others don’t. Find out now if she’s willing to cook at all.

3. Doing baby’s laundry is a given. Organizing, purging, ironing, and ordering more clothes are iffy, depending on the nanny.

4. Some nannies (and parents) believe kids should stay home til 6months or even a year. Others believe in getting kids out and about.

5. Infants play by themselves (especially exploring their own body parts!) or with another adult. They frequently aren’t even parallel playing (same thing next to another child, looking at the other child, then back to their own toy) until 12-18 months. However, the earlier they start being around other children, the earlier that things like sharing, patience, taking turns and not hurting each other can occur organically. Some parents/nannies want to start that before 12 months, others don’t.

6. Some believe in classes for kids under 2. Some don’t. Again, kids aren’t going to play together as much as they will interact with an adult, and most of those activities can happen at home.

7. Some want kids introduced to germs early. Others want to wait. The easiest way to limit germs is to keep the child inside, at home.

8. Some nannies believe in fresh air everyday, and will walk after putting a cover on the stroller when it’s raining. Others will only walk in “good” weather. Others don’t like to walk at all.

9. Some nannies are extroverts and will make friends with multiple nannies, sahms and APs at each park, library and class. Other nannies are introverted enough that they may not talk to a nanny they sit next to for 12 weeks of class. Most will fall somewhere in the middle.

10. Some nannies are confident about looking around and finding activities when told “to get out more.” Others aren’t, or would need/want more direction about what types of activities you’d like to see them attend.

11. Some nannies are proactive, some aren’t. Some were proactive in previous positions, but felt like the families took advantage and never offered anything extra (even gratitude). Some parents feel guilty about the amount of time they spend away from their kids, and they have certain things they do to help them assuage their guilt; if a nanny accidentally upsets the parent by being proactive when a parent didn’t say that they wanted to do it, it can make them less likely to look around for things that need to done for another family later.

12. Being late is not acceptable. On time or early. This is a personality trait that is very individual. If you’ve already spoken to her, but it didn’t stop, it’s not going to change now.

Pull out your contract. Compliment her on what she’s doing well and emphasize that you and your child like her. Make sure to address everything you want done. Set a certain time limit to see results, and set a time/date to review. If she’s doing better on at least half, set another review to see results on everything. If not, let her go with a prepared written statement about why.

If it was just one or two things, I’d be more likely to recommend keeping her. If it was a personality conflict, I’d recommend firing her now. But with the exception of tardiness and supplies being the only two that are givens for every infant position, I think you really should give her a chance.