Working Parent Schedule Crunch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WFH days have saved us. If possible if each of you could do one day a week, it's a gamechanger. Most companies are open to this - so long as you don't want to go 100% remote (companies are cutting down on that but the 1-2 day WFH option seems to be the norm now). Just cutting down commute and energy dealing with work clothes, etc is huge, and allows me to a load of laundry in and out etc. and I do a yoga class at lunch sometimes.

DH typically takes 1-2 days a month to WFH, but I generally do it 3 days a week (that said I have a longer commute than you so for me REALLY makes a difference. My normal commute is 60 minutes each way).

Yes, can either of you WFH once a week? Bc that would then be your laundry day, giving you time back on the weekend. Even if you just take a bathroom break and move clothes into/out of washer/dryer, it's a lifesaver.

My kids are those ages, and our schedules are similar. The biggest plus for me is that DH is FT WAH, so laundry and meal prep are off my plate. My kids also help with setting the table, loading/unloading the dishwasher, and are responsible for all their clothes - putting them away and picking out clothes for the next day.

[Anonymous]

I put my kids on the bus at 8 and then head to work and then we have afternoon child care to meet them at the bus until I get home around 5:30. My husband leaves at 7am and gets home at 7pm. The rest of our schedule is like yours except my husband doesn’t work out in the evenings (he does 30 min at lunch). Weekends are just filled with chores for both of us and shuttling our kids to their sports or play dates. During the summer my husband will play tennis on Saturday from 8-9:30 or so. We do have weekly house cleaning and next year we might get someone to mow the lawn and rake leaves. We share laundry duties but I do most of the shopping and cooking and he does clean up. It’s almost non stop and exhausting at times especially when one of us has to travel for business, mostly my husband, but we make it work. I adore my children so it’s a price I’m willing to pay.

[Anonymous]

I think you need the following:

1) outsourcing, at the very least a house cleaner
2) aftercare
3) WFH
4) school lunch once in a while

[Anonymous]

+1 for aftercare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We feel dogged all the time, DCUM please fix my life!

DW Schedeule
05:30 - 06:00 Commute
06:00 - 15:30 Work (30 min lunch workout)
15:30 - 16:00 Commute
16:00 - 16:30 2 school pickup
16:30 - 17:00 cook dinner
17:00 - 18:00 eat dinner cleanup lunches
18:00 - 19:00 one kids rec sport or music lesson, downtime for other kid (3 nites week)
19:00 - 20:00 homework and lite chores for next day
20:00 - 21:00 bedtime routine, talk with kids about day, clean dishes
21:00-22:00 check work email and ready for next day since left early and may need put out fires

DH schedule
07:00 - 08:00 wake kids, make breakfast, check bags maybe finish lunches
08:00-08:30 2 school drop off
08:30 - 09:15 commute
09:15 - 17:45 Work
17:45 - 18:30 Commute
18:30 - 19:00 Dinner solo
19:00 - 20:00 homework and lite chores for next day
20:00 - 21:00 bedtime routine, talk with kids about day, clean dishes, pay bills, other home urgent tasks
21:00 - 22:00 Gym (doctor mandated)
22:00 - 23:00 shower & dad putter (this drives me nuts, should go right to bed)

Weekends are usually loads of laundry, cleaning bathrooms, kitchen, bedrooms, one or two red sports, maybe a fun afternoon outing Saturday, and then Church most of Sunday, and quiet Sunday afternoons running errand and grocery shopping.

How do other working families does this? We have pretty standard 40-hr week jobs, except mine is the bigger job (hence 5 hrs of nightly WAH, but I make much more than DH). We have both looked into going part time or getting closer jobs but nothing has worked out. Our jobs are in neighborhoods with very bad school so moving closer is off table.

Everyday seems like a marathon while juggling, and many mornings something gets dropped (oh you needed to get to school early for a field trip, oh you forgot you lunch at school well buy it) and it’s sour feelings all around.

We consider dropping rec sports, but we have an unusable hilly backyard and no kids in our neighborhood — so that sport is majority of our kids socializing and outdoor exercise, so reactant you’re drop.

Other things folks do to make this work? We would love like an au pair but no extra bedroom and not enough money for nanny, no luck finding someone for doing drop off or pickup hours.

Are you sure the schools are "very bad?" Could you say where the jobs are? People may have suggestions for places to move that might reduce commute.

If you don't move, I agree aftercare seems reasonable. My kids love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outsource cleaning and laundry at the minimum.

Everything else seems pretty typical working family household.

I have 3 kids and now stay home. I burned out but many others continue to chug along. I just dropped off my youngest at preschool and I get a 3 hr break.

So did you move somewhere cheaper? DH keeps talking about moving to an exurb, where he would have long commute but I would SAH. I’m skeptical b/c that’s a huge drop in college and retirement savings, and with his health I’m not convinced he is built to be a breadwinner. I have no desire to be sole breadwinner and him be SAHD, and he says he expects it would be very isolating anyways.

No, DH earned more money and eventually we moved closer to his work so he could be home for dinner and sports more. I would not have stopped working if he could not cover college and retirement. Our kids do attend public schools in McLean.

It sounds like you outsource nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We feel dogged all the time, DCUM please fix my life!

DW Schedeule
05:30 - 06:00 Commute
06:00 - 15:30 Work (30 min lunch workout)
15:30 - 16:00 Commute
16:00 - 16:30 2 school pickup
16:30 - 17:00 cook dinner
17:00 - 18:00 eat dinner cleanup lunches
18:00 - 19:00 one kids rec sport or music lesson, downtime for other kid (3 nites week)
19:00 - 20:00 homework and lite chores for next day
20:00 - 21:00 bedtime routine, talk with kids about day, clean dishes
21:00-22:00 check work email and ready for next day since left early and may need put out fires

DH schedule
07:00 - 08:00 wake kids, make breakfast, check bags maybe finish lunches
08:00-08:30 2 school drop off
08:30 - 09:15 commute
09:15 - 17:45 Work
17:45 - 18:30 Commute
18:30 - 19:00 Dinner solo
19:00 - 20:00 homework and lite chores for next day
20:00 - 21:00 bedtime routine, talk with kids about day, clean dishes, pay bills, other home urgent tasks
21:00 - 22:00 Gym (doctor mandated)
22:00 - 23:00 shower & dad putter (this drives me nuts, should go right to bed)

Weekends are usually loads of laundry, cleaning bathrooms, kitchen, bedrooms, one or two red sports, maybe a fun afternoon outing Saturday, and then Church most of Sunday, and quiet Sunday afternoons running errand and grocery shopping.

How do other working families does this? We have pretty standard 40-hr week jobs, except mine is the bigger job (hence 5 hrs of nightly WAH, but I make much more than DH). We have both looked into going part time or getting closer jobs but nothing has worked out. Our jobs are in neighborhoods with very bad school so moving closer is off table.

Everyday seems like a marathon while juggling, and many mornings something gets dropped (oh you needed to get to school early for a field trip, oh you forgot you lunch at school well buy it) and it’s sour feelings all around.

We consider dropping rec sports, but we have an unusable hilly backyard and no kids in our neighborhood — so that sport is majority of our kids socializing and outdoor exercise, so reactant you’re drop.

Other things folks do to make this work? We would love like an au pair but no extra bedroom and not enough money for nanny, no luck finding someone for doing drop off or pickup hours.

Are you sure the schools are "very bad?" Could you say where the jobs are? People may have suggestions for places to move that might reduce commute.

If you don't move, I agree aftercare seems reasonable. My kids love it.

By very bad I mean the worst GS ratings in PG county, with frequent shootings. Not an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outsource cleaning and laundry at the minimum.

Everything else seems pretty typical working family household.

I have 3 kids and now stay home. I burned out but many others continue to chug along. I just dropped off my youngest at preschool and I get a 3 hr break.

So did you move somewhere cheaper? DH keeps talking about moving to an exurb, where he would have long commute but I would SAH. I’m skeptical b/c that’s a huge drop in college and retirement savings, and with his health I’m not convinced he is built to be a breadwinner. I have no desire to be sole breadwinner and him be SAHD, and he says he expects it would be very isolating anyways.

No, DH earned more money and eventually we moved closer to his work so he could be home for dinner and sports more. I would not have stopped working if he could not cover college and retirement. Our kids do attend public schools in McLean.

It sounds like you outsource nothing.

Yeah, sounds like working was very optional for you. DH career has always limped along, he doesn’t know how to hustle, but always was a good introverted engineer. Which was fine when he was younger, but he needs to move into management or BD but has had no success, and no success going part time. His contracting client is old school and says no telework either which is maddening.

[Anonymous]

Well, you are wasting most of one of your only free days at church....

[Anonymous]

Instacart groceries-will easily save you 2 hours/week.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you do aftercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outsource cleaning and laundry at the minimum.

Everything else seems pretty typical working family household.

I have 3 kids and now stay home. I burned out but many others continue to chug along. I just dropped off my youngest at preschool and I get a 3 hr break.

So did you move somewhere cheaper? DH keeps talking about moving to an exurb, where he would have long commute but I would SAH. I’m skeptical b/c that’s a huge drop in college and retirement savings, and with his health I’m not convinced he is built to be a breadwinner. I have no desire to be sole breadwinner and him be SAHD, and he says he expects it would be very isolating anyways.

No, DH earned more money and eventually we moved closer to his work so he could be home for dinner and sports more. I would not have stopped working if he could not cover college and retirement. Our kids do attend public schools in McLean.

It sounds like you outsource nothing.

Yeah, sounds like working was very optional for you. DH career has always limped along, he doesn’t know how to hustle, but always was a good introverted engineer. Which was fine when he was younger, but he needs to move into management or BD but has had no success, and no success going part time. His contracting client is old school and says no telework either which is maddening.

It gets worse when multiple kids play different sports and there are games/tournaments on weekends. My kids have music, sports, scouts and academic extracurriculars. Even if I stay home, it is hard for me to juggle the 3 kids. I have a sitter and still feel like I’m carpooling often and am the taker more than the giver. Having a busy spouse and 3 kids having to be at different places is hard. I can’t be at 3 places at once.

[Anonymous]

This is typical of our schedule also. This is why they say raising kids is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you do aftercare?

Aftercare is not free. We had an aftercare spot and gave it up because we can save that money for college. Yes, it means that I get home from work, have about 15 minutes to myself, and then go get my son. It also means that he has the down time at home before baseball/basketball/whatever sport he is playing and Cub Scouts. It gives me some extra time with him to help with homework or read or just watch him play.

I won't lie, I love it when he says he wants to do the after school extras 3 days a week. I get an hour to myself. SCORE! and it is less expensive then after care. And he gets to do robotics and coding and chess, things that he would not be doing in after care and that I am able to teach him myself. OK, I could teach him chess.

Two kids in aftercare would be double the cost. So is $500-$1,000 worth the extra few hours for Mom? Maybe. But I don't see aftercare as an automatic response.

We do have a cleaner that comes every other week and I order from Blue Apron. Food prep is still in play but I don't have to do as much meal planning and grocery shopping.

Dual incomes with kids is not easy. We all know that. OP seems to have a good schedule/routine down. There are days that it drags and feels overwhelming. I go to bed early on Fridays and enjoy my sleep in on Saturday. But I would not want to change it up. DS would enjoy aftercare at school, he loves play dates, but I would miss that time with him.

(shrugs)

[Anonymous]

Drop the sports and lessons.