Please get off dating apps if you are this person

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a woman on Bumble and I completely agree with you and have had the same experience.

If the guy doesn't respond to my question at all (e.g. I say 'how was your day' and he responds with 'hi') I leave him in my cue for a few days to see if he was just busy etc., basically give him more time to reinitiate the convo.
If he answers my question but does not ask anything back, I use the same approach.
Then, after a few days I delete these guys. If you can't make any effort to converse, you are not the right guy for me.

[Anonymous]

If someone is responding this way, they probably don't find your profile pictures attractive and don't want to encourage more conversation. (some guys are deluded about their own attractiveness and reject women who are not a 10 because they think they can attract 10's.)

Or they're socially inept.

Or they're married and just on there to look at girls.

Sorry! I hope your luck changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not an ideal response, OP, but you are being too judgmental for your own good. I understand. I can be very judgmental about grammar, spelling, and being a good correspondent.

That said, many very good men are not good at the initial dating phase. In my experience, beware the charming man who is very good at the initial approach.

This guy may or may not be for you. It is unlikely to serve you well to be so drastic as to say that someone who responded to your specific questions should not be on a dating app.

Calm down.

My point isn’t just this one guy, it is a pattern. I did a little poll and I am not the only one that experiences this (polled straight males, gay males and straight women). If you can’t carry a conversation on an app (or at least make an effort), I have zero faith you can handle a conversation in person. I am not someone who expects weeks of texting or phone calls before meeting. If I am not feeling someone after a match and they message me, I literally do not respond.

And this may be harsh, but I just delete these guys now. I have experienced this enough to know it does not turn into anything or their personalities suck in person.

You are quoting me, and I agree with you that it is a pattern. It is not just you who observes this--but you sure are taking it so personally. And that's fine if you want to delete these responses and never follow up. My message to you is that you may very well be mistaken about whether someone who respond that way via an app is a dud in person.

App-based/onling dating has a lot of pitfalls, it's a hassle, rife with disappointment, and definitely you will encounter "losers" or otherwise undesirable candidates. All true. I'm not telling you that this guy is great and the love of your life. But I do believe that some folks, especially guys, are making stupid mistakes in that sort of dating, and their inept responses/initial messages are not representative of what kind of boyfriend or partner they could be.

Many bitter "online daters" focus on these terrible messages they get, how lame they are, etc. Then they are single for a long time and not finding success.

I don't think you should "lower your standards" long-term, but experiment being open-minded. As a woman, the majority of the contact I received was from people I wasn't interested in hearing from. But you had some level of interest in this guy--you posed a specific question to him. He answered you. If you were my friend, this is what I'd tell you. Look at his pictures and his profile--what was your level of interest before your exchange? If you were "meh" on him, move on. But if you had any more interest than that, give him another chance. You asked him "what are your favorite x" and he replied. Sorry, but sometimes life is unfair and you have to shoulder more than your fair share. Ask him something more interesting. "What makes a podcast your favorite?" "What's the worst podcast you've heard and why?"

If you want an amazing conversationalist via an app, get a penpal or hang out with your gay guy friends. But there are going to be some great guys who in person are awesome, but their strength is not reading your mind and replying like a woman would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am a woman on Bumble and I completely agree with you and have had the same experience.

If the guy doesn't respond to my question at all (e.g. I say 'how was your day' and he responds with 'hi') I leave him in my cue for a few days to see if he was just busy etc., basically give him more time to reinitiate the convo.
If he answers my question but does not ask anything back, I use the same approach.
Then, after a few days I delete these guys. If you can't make any effort to converse, you are not the right guy for me.

Saying "hi" and then letting the other person do all the work is basically every single woman on Bumble...

[Anonymous]

I’m a married woman and not on any dating apps. My friends have used dating sites and apps successfully but it takes time. I think it is a numbers game.

Usually a high in demand person is most likely chatting with another person in depth and that is the reason for the short uninterested responses to you.

I know my best friend will give guys she is interested in a lot much attention and string along a guy in conversation for months. Almost seems like both parties not interested but when they have a break they will respond to one another.

When there is a spark, my friend will meet up with guy. She married a guy from tinder but it didn’t work out. He was a guy she kind of strong along for a while. She was hooking up with a hotter guy. Guy she married was better in real life. He has an average face but really smart and witty. He ended up calling it quits with her.