S/O: How many gifts do your kids get for Christmas from Grandparents?
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Anonymous
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My MIL is the same and we're in the same lifestyle situation too. Thankfully my husband hates stuff more than I even do, so he's fully on board with being the bad guy and referee though I still have to get involved too much. We've made progress, but it's a constant battle at every occasion (even every visit they want to bring a toy- we ended up recently with a balance bike AND a trampoline that were not requested or expected and WE HAVE LIMITED SPACE) and I'm always left just feeling GUILTY for wanting to teach my kids better values than stuff and that I've robbed my MIL of her joy of buying. They're both retired and yet she still gives us (the adults) checks for our birthdays. JUST STOP ALREADY. Money and gifts are not love!
End rant. Here's what's worked (1) talking about it and then talking about it again and then talking about it again (2) encouraging things they "need" to be wrapped (clothes, shoes) (3) college fund/buying stocks (4) experience giving- esp if it's something they can do together and YES to (5) amazon list, though make sure you give it to your "non buy everything" side of the family first because my MIL will just go on, buy everything and leave nothing to be given by others. Or else make 2 lists. (6) Doing holidays separately. My family has done secret santa for adults and a couple gifts for the kids for years and there's no drama about it. I love the Christmas at my family's years- this year is one of them thank god. |
Anonymous
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After two ridiculously over-the-top Christmases, I had to limit my parents to three boxes per child, none of which were bigger than our dog at the time. (a 15-pound terrier). I set the rules early in the year they were enforce, when I wasn't angry. They thought I was joking, but I made it clear I wasn't. It worked.
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Anonymous
| Same but unfortunately my SIL (husband's sister) is a stuff person with 3 kids, so they're on board with the pile under the tree. I think everything was opened in 10 mins last year despite the pile and 80% of it was discarded. It was gross. I dread doing Christmas with them as my kids get older (now baby and 3 yo) because how am I supposed to justify the 3-5 presents versus their 20+? You weren't good enough for Santa? Ugh. We honestly may just start doing Christmas at our house, then traveling to them (3 hrs away) either later Christmas Day or the next day to avoid that. I feel like that's the only way which is sad. |
Anonymous
| One or two bigger things from each set and a book. Thank goodness. My inlaws are not stuff people. And my parents are fancy stuff people so mom always gets the fancy winter coat and boots and one thing that we discuss ahead of time. She also tends to purchase big presents not for holidays and birthdays but when she feels like it so that does limit what there is left to get for the holidays. Not complaint but it is its own challenge. |
Anonymous
| One bigger gift, 1 smaller gift, one knit sweater, one purchased clothing item. |
Anonymous
| One or two token gifts. We have to travel to see them so the holiday is more about spending time together getting into fun activities and they know I don't want to have to haul a bunch of stuff back. |
Anonymous
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From my parents, it's two nice gifts for each kid, in line with their interests (could be Lego, Playmobil, nice sports jersey).
From my in laws, about 20 gifts per kid, vast majority cheaply made (and fall apart quickly), also mostly aligned with their other grandkids' interests. |
Anonymous
| 30+ gifts? Oh, wow! I thought my parents were bad with their $500/kid gift. I don't like a mountain of gifts around our tree. I prefer better, and less gifts, or even a gift card than a bunch of crap they're going to forget 2 weeks from now, that just piles up in their playroom. My parents give them whatever they want, my MIL always buys a bunch of crap, it's really strange, I wish she'd save her money. |
Anonymous
| My parents get the kids (I have 3) the gift I suggest them to buy (they asked me to do this, I'm not being a jerk here). My MIL is a stuff person, and she buys all the grandkids (5) around 5 -7 presents each. I believe she tries to spend the same on each kid, so I do appreciate her being even. They do not need what she buys, and I often put some of it away to regift for bday parties and such, as the presents are not junk, just not needed. |
Anonymous
| My in laws buy thousands of gifts, and then my MIL spends Christmas talking about how she'll never be able to retire because they're in so much debt. It's awkward. She buys dozens of things for the adults too. I get that it's her love language, but it's so uncomfortable to open 100s of dollars of things I don't need/want and know that she put herself in a financial hardship to do so. |
Anonymous
| I have a theory that MILs (typically guessing most people posting are women married to men) buy more and tend to be "stuff" people because they are naturally not as close with their sons as their daughters (if they have any) and so want to buy stuff to show love. There seems to be a pattern in responses of "my MIL is a stuff person, my family is not"-- but maybe that's self-selecting who's choosing to respond too. |
Anonymous
I'd rather my kids get one $500 gift than 30 gifts totaling $500. My inlaws have bought a $600 toy kitchen for the girls one year, and a toy baby grand piano. I'm fine with that sort of thing. |
Anonymous
That happens here, too. MIL would say it's because she lives closer to other grandchild, but I offer up suggestions from specific links to vague "she likes craft kits a lot!" to help steer her in the right direction. Nope. It's all horses and unicorns, which neither of my DDs are too in to. |
Anonymous
OP here. My DH and MIL have a somewhat contentious relationship, but she still does the same with her daughter to whom she is somewhat closer. Setting that aside, Christmas has always been her biggest holiday and she will go into debt to purchase the over the top number of gifts just for the sake of having lots of things to open. I get that gifts are her love language, but she takes it to an extreme and seems to think it is her right now as a grandmother to "spoil" our DD with stuff. She made several comments to that effect on a recent visit. She brought four toys, two of which were not age appropriate, plus clothes, and then also bought my daughter a baby doll at the mall while my husband went to the restroom, even though she had already given her one earlier in the weekend. I would be thrilled if she wanted to help out with things that DD needed or bought her a few age appropriate or meaningful gifts, but what she brings is mostly junk that DD is not interested in playing with, most of which already ends up getting tossed or donated. And then I feel guilty disposing of things that MIL spent money on that we know she doesn't have. Mostly just venting but would love ideas on how to deal with this. Already planning to use some of the suggestions above. |
Anonymous
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My ILs are Chinese and give a red envelope and maybe something little and cute to open, like novelty mittens or a fun sweater. My parents tell me to pick one big thing for them to give DD. Off-topic: they won’t buy, ship, or wrap it. So I pick the big thing (but have to lie about the price, because they are rich but cheap), wrap it in paper that they choose from my stash via FaceTime, and give it to DD. Then we pretend that they will send me a check for the gift.
My SIL (brother’s wife, not DH’s sister) has a family that does heaps of plastic toy presents under the tree. I learned not to FaceTime with my nephews on Christmas afternoon bc DD isn’t old enough to understand that cousins have different sets of grandparents or that the red envelope she receives is more than equal to the value of her cousin’s toy pile. |