Scared as heck to move DC into local DCPS, but the writing is on the wall...

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to make you any more anxious or anything, but, just out of curiosity, why are you posting on a DC Public School forum about your worries to send your kid to a (excellent) DC public school, when most of other posters clearly do just that? You need reassurance our kids won't gobble yours up?

[Anonymous]

gobble gobble gobble . . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I admit, this problem is mostly in my head...and my problem really comes down to anxiety about regret. But that is a crappy way to live and I have make decisions that are best for my family and move forward, whatever happens. I would not expect anyone to hold my hand, my decisions are my own and my child would not be worse or better off than anyone else's child. The older I get, the more anxiety I have when making decisions...it is becoming exhausting! I just need to move out of my comfort zone and trust that my son is not some delicate piece of china that needs to be coddled to death.

OP, sounds like the anxiety is the thing you need to deal with now first before decision-making about schools. Your children will encounter both good things and bad things wherever they go to school and there are many things you will not be able to anticipate and/or control. Even if you find you are able to decide about this and move on, there will be another decision that will paralyze you with fear of making a mistake.

FWIW, my dd went to DCPS for 9 years before we moved her to private. The only year I really question was that year in 9th grade and sometimes I wished we had moved her sooner to a school with better academics. On the other hand, she got a lot out of that year that she doesn't appreciate now but that will stay with her the rest of her life. If you send your kids to Janney there will be both good and bad things just like if you kept them where they are now. But I think you know all this. The thing you have to work on is making decisions as best you can and then letting go. Are you currently in therapy or have you considered it? You might want to consider it if you are not already doing it.

I know you are only worrying because you love your children and want what is best for them. Consider that it will also benefit your children greatly once their mom is more comfortable with decision-making. Because we can all do all the best things for our kids but they learn how to manage their challenges by watching their parents. I say this as the daughter of two very anxious people who did not handle their anxiety well. I had to learn a lot on my own about how to manage my anxiety in a healthy manner.

Good luck, OP! You sound like a good mom who is doing the best she can for her family. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

"what exactly do you think is going to happen when he gets to a public school located in a middle to upper-middle class neighborhood?"

LOL!

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know if you're still around, but one thing you might consider is the timing of transition to Janey. Due to the construction. And also the happy middle child, 3 yr old. Your right to attend Janey starts with K, entry into preK is by lottery, and not all in bounds families get in. Janey is about to start construction, which is going to last a while. So for the 2010-11 school year, keep your oldest in private, your middle in the preschool. Then, 2011-12, assuming construction is done, and that is the year your middle enters K, start both at the brand new school. You can sell it in part to your oldest as a brand new building. . ..

That also gives you a year plus to settle into parenting 3 kids, and get used to the transition. (or perhaps, as previous posters have indicated, enter therapy!, only kidding). During that time you might start attending school events, such as PTA, fairs, book sales, concerts, read the newsletter, etc. So that the many traditions and good things that happen at the school are familiar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I felt the same way as you do and sent my daughter to a private school for that reason. But, if I had 3 kids -- there is no way we could have afforded private for all of
Or God Forbid (gasp) Virginia. Apparently there are some decent little schools in Fairfax County, like Thomas Jefferson....you may have heard of it?

____________________________________________
Hey -- not that many kids can get into TJ - it's for math and science stars. It has only about 1% AA students. TJ drains a lot of the great kids so that the other public h.s. in VA aren't as good

[Anonymous]

OP here. I know some of you referenced the therapy recommendation as a joke, but I considering it.....seriously. I look at this anxiety as a part of my control issues, and we all know that the older our kids get, the less we control, not more. I need to deal with that and develop more confidence in my own parenting skills...and know that I can handle what comes, whatever school my kids are in!

I have thought of holding my older until the new building goes up, but I hate the thought of letting my oldest DC get more and more comfortable in their private school to only more DC into a group of kids who have known each other for three or four years! Again, I am trying to find the BEST decision...there isn't one. There is only the best given right now.

I think I am having some hormonal craziness. I think there is a little part of me that wants people to keep convincing me that it will be okay (even though, I know, none of that matters), which is why I posted on the public board. If I had posted on the privates board, I would have gotten a bunch of Sidwell moms talking about Ivy Leagues and crap like that. I do not want to hear why I should NOT leave a private, I want to hear why I SHOULD leave. And maybe just vent my irrational thinking.

I appreciate everyone who has given me thoughtful responses. I envy people who appear to move forward with life, making decisions with confidence. I hope that if we move, I do not run into the parents who think I am judging them or their children, b/c in fact, I wish I could be more like them.

I also think it would have been easier if we had STARTED at Janney....now we are accustomed to, frankly, a ridiculous level of service and individualized attention (which I am not even sure is healthy, let alone needed) and so, of course moving is going to be quite a shock to MY system. Ahh, this beautiful American life. My bullshit worries. I need to have a big glass of "Get the fuck over yourself" and move on. And save money! AND get a great education.

Thanks, again.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know if drinking that is recommended for pregnant ladies, lol.

We switched from private K to a public (another upper NW) school for 1st and have been pleased so far. I hope the transition goes well.

[Anonymous]

I like you, OP. You're all right!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like you, OP. You're all right!

I second that. With a mother like you, you're kids are going to be way more than fine. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I agree with you that you want to have your DC get to know [his/her] peers earlier rather than later. Just so you know that others obsess too, my oldest has not yet started K at Janney (our zoned school), and I have already spent YEARS thinking about when I need to fish or cut bait on continuing on to Deal or moving to MoCo, as I would want her to have the ability to become part of a group of friends in elementary school rather than starting out middle school knowing no one. By the way, I am hearing great things about Deal these days.

If it makes you feel better OP, you should look at the college placements for Wilson grads (they post them - not by student name of course). As far as getting into college goes, graduating from a DC public actually gives your child a leg up against the competition.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

"If it makes you feel better OP, you should look at the college placements for Wilson grads (they post them - not by student name of course). As far as getting into college goes, graduating from a DC public actually gives your child a leg up against the competition."

This is really true. I know someone whose DC got into Berkley, UCLA, and Michigan (they only considered state schools due to costs). And I didn't get the sense that the DC was at the very top of the class at Wilson, just in the honors program.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a new poster.

With regards to your anxiety over the thought of removing child #1 from a place where he/she is happy and thriving -- is there any chance that you had to move schools in elementary, where that turned out to be bad or traumatic?

My husband and I had to move our child from a private school after 1st grade into a public one for second, and our child had a rather rocky start at the new school. Things are better now, but my husband had a really hard time with watching our child make the transition. Turned out my husband had moved schools twice in elementary school, and the second move (in fourth grade) was to a school where he didn't fit in, kids were mean to him, etc. My husband's anxiety lessened when we realized it was his own issues he was remembering causing the anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP,
I am quite anxious myself, spinning up about decisions, trying to controll what can't be controlled, etc. School's just one thing I obsess about. And I come by it honestly-- my grandmother, mom and aunt all were "worriers," as we called them back then. I think there's a genetic component to how much anxiety we have.

So far the only thing that's helped is to go to therapy. My therapist has really helped me over the past two years. I just go every two weeks or so and it's been really great. I know with 3 kids it wouldn't be easy, but I highly recommend it. Hopefully you could find someone you click with who could help you learn not to "catastrophize" every decision (focusing on the worse thing that could happen and then feeling the pain of that worse thing as if it was reality). Anyway, your posts were very honest and I felt compelled to make this suggestion just because it helped me so much with similar feelings.

Good luck on the school thing and remember that kids are really resilient. Read "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee," it'll make you feel better about things in your childrens' lives that aren't perfect. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Yeah, look at where graduates from Wilson have been placed...

Yale, Dartmouth, Penn. Not too shabby considering it's part of the crap DCPS.