Donating gifted junk

[Anonymous]

"SIL, it broke and we threw it out".

You (really, your husband) really need to start saying no and setting boundaries with your inlaws. It IS worth the battle. My MIL tried to do this too - she loves to shop and used to bring piles of crap to our place whenever she visited - I'm talking little glass vases, doilies, figurines, picture frames, candles... My husband told her up front that we preferred a minimalist home and the various knick knacks she was constantly bringing us would be going to Goodwill. She was very upset but stopped. Her own place looks like an episode of Hoarders but that's a while other issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her it broke, so you disposed of it. (It did break, before you got it). Refuse to pay her -- tell her you would not have accepted it if it was a sale and not a gift. If you do end up paying her to get ride of her, use this as an excuse never to accept anything more from her ever again -- sorry, we don't have the funds to accept any more items from you. Whatever money you paid will be well worth never having to take anything from her again.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Are MIL and her sister hoarders? Did they grow up poor? Both sound like they have a very unhealthy obsession with "stuff" and bargain-hunting/saving money.

Oh they do have a borderline disorder with their bargain-hunting activities. They grew up in a very large family. While they were not poor, they were the poorest family in a . very wealthy neighborhood. They are crazy frugal and love finding bargains. Its a game to them. One of their brothers who lives further away is a classic hoarder. He has a house that is falling apart in a very low cost area with a good amount of land around him. He searches for free things and builds storage shanties himself on his property. Its terrifying and looks like a junk yard.

I'm not giving her $100 for a broken toy that she insisted we take. We know not to take anything else. I'll let DH go with the flood story if he wants to do this.

[Anonymous]

"Auntie, all of my friends were so jealous that we had this fancy microscope. They used to fight each other over who got to use it when they came over. There were always fist fights, tears, and one time the cops were called. We had to get rid of it, for everyones safety."

"We were playing with it and we found drugs stashed inside. We called the FBI. They have it."

"I got your message, Auntie. I left it on your porch. Oh, its not there? I guess it was stolen."



I would just have fun with her for all future gifts also. I have nutty in-laws, and this is the only way to survive.

[Anonymous]

You have two choices for the "where is it?" question (both are equally permitted here, imo):
-honesty: Tell her what you think of the stuff they give in as nice a way as possible and/or ask her to stop. Don't call it junk, obv.; or
-lie: "It was broken/I broke it when I did XX."

Do not under any circumstances pay her. Here is where you have to be harsh: Sorry, Auntie Em, you said it was a gift. I'm not paying you for a gift. If you expect payment for things we don't use, I have to insist you don't give them to us going forward.

This is what I would do, anyway. Take it for what it's worth.

[Anonymous]

Just say it got damaged in the flood and don't spend any more thought on it.

It was a gift - you do not owe her anything. Change the subject.

[Anonymous]

If they gave it to you it is no longer theirs. Repeat as needed.

[Anonymous]

You absolutely can NOT accept any more crap from them.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely don’t pay anything for this. It will set a precedent.

[Anonymous]

Just buy a new one for $15 and give her that. Cheaper than $100 and you give her an exact copy of the item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely don’t pay anything for this. It will set a precedent.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have two choices for the "where is it?" question (both are equally permitted here, imo):
-honesty: Tell her what you think of the stuff they give in as nice a way as possible and/or ask her to stop. Don't call it junk, obv.; or
-lie: "It was broken/I broke it when I did XX."

Do not under any circumstances pay her. Here is where you have to be harsh: Sorry, Auntie Em, you said it was a gift. I'm not paying you for a gift. If you expect payment for things we don't use, I have to insist you don't give them to us going forward.

This is what I would do, anyway. Take it for what it's worth.

+1 I think Auntie is pulling a kind of scam on you. She knows it was a gift. She knows she bought it for $8. But she wants more $$ and praise. It was a gift and it’s gone now. No more gifts please.

[Anonymous]

My MIL buys DD crap from dollartree all the time. Drives me nuts. I do end up giving a lot of it away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely can NOT accept any more crap from them.

OP's husband, not OP, has to be the one to handle this from now on and forever. He is the one to devise ways to decline items. His relatives are his to handle even if they try to approach OP first rather than him. I say this because whatever OP says can be construed by them as "she's being a pan of a DIL/niece-in-law" whereas the DH is the son and nephew and should be between OP and his relatives.

[Anonymous]

It was a gift. You owe her nothing. Tell her it broke and never accept anything from her again, saying you just don’t have the room and will be forced to donate it.