New Au Pair Issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He called your kid an idiot and shouted?! Nope. No second chances there.

Maybe the kid is an idiot.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have to trust your gut on this. Rematch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why haven't you taught a five year old some manners? It is impolite to ask personal questions of anyone. The au pair has problems and your son needs a Manners 101 class.

Noooo, OP said 5th GRADE, not 5 years old. Good luck, but it sounds like either your kid has some serious boundary issues or is trying to sabotage the au pair. This is a preteen, not a young child.

[Anonymous]

Does your son want a rematch?

[Anonymous]

How in the world can anyone justify this behavior?! Do not allow anyone to call your son an idiot! It is your job to teach your child how to treat others and what to tolerate. Absolutely rematch, 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got in trouble for telling the kid that she was going to be fat if she added sugar to already sugary cereal. I didn't call her she was fat even though she was.
I would have never called the child an idiot nor did I ever raise my voice. I'd rematch now.

I'm glad you got in trouble for that.

NP here. You are ridiculous. The way white people tiptoe around weight and avoid saying anything about food or nutrition is insane. Everyone is fat and mom gets mad if the nanny tells the kid not to add sugar to her cereal. Your poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our family welcomed our 4th au pair nearly a month ago for our 6th year in the program. We loved our previous three au pairs and all remain an important part of our lives even from afar. Our newest one seemed interested and caring during the Skype interviews, however, we found him extremely introverted in person and hard to connect with. We have one son - 5th grade who has had a very hard time connecting with him. Unfortunately, he's been a bit rude at times to the au pair, which we addressed with him. It seems like they argued today when my son was asking what was perceived as intrusive questions, things escalated and the au pair shouted at him, told him three times to shut up and called him an idiot according to my son, which the au pair confirmed was true. He apologized and seemed genuinely sorry, but now I am of course very concerned and wonder if pursuing a rematch would be better for all. Of course I am concerned that the rematch could be even worse, we'd be left with a long gap, etc, but also don't want all parties to suffer through what should be a joyful year together.

Any advice? Give it once more attempt to work out with a defined timeframe or get out quickly?

Oh gosh. It's actually unfortunate-- the au pair crossed the line and yelled at your DS and called him a name. Totally unacceptable no matter how frustrated he was. Your son instigated a confrontation with what sounds like pestering and general disrespect, but he's the child.

It just isn't a good fit overall-- the au pair is introverted and probably homesick/depressed. Your DS is looking to connect and sounds immature (i.e. he's dealing with his disappointment by pushing buttons).

I doubt there is any permanent damage to your son with the name calling, but the question is whether you can trust the au pair not to lose his temper again--and whether the au pair is truly capable and interested in developing a relationship with your son.

I would be completely unequivocal if your DS was younger, but I'm assuming he's at least ten if not eleven. Whatever you decide is safest and best, he does need some guidance and reprimand for being disrespectful and discourteous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got in trouble for telling the kid that she was going to be fat if she added sugar to already sugary cereal. I didn't call her she was fat even though she was.
I would have never called the child an idiot nor did I ever raise my voice. I'd rematch now.

I'm glad you got in trouble for that.

NP here. You are ridiculous. The way white people tiptoe around weight and avoid saying anything about food or nutrition is insane. Everyone is fat and mom gets mad if the nanny tells the kid not to add sugar to her cereal. Your poor kids.

It's the word "fat" - you tell a person it's unhealthy to add sugar, but fat is a pejorative term like lazy or dumb. It just makes people feel bad without helping them change things for the better. If the girl was overweight and making poor eating choices, their are better ways to positively deal with that issue that don't include shaming them.
I wouldn't have told an au pair they were "in trouble" if they used that term, but I would talk with them about ways to positively mentor my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got in trouble for telling the kid that she was going to be fat if she added sugar to already sugary cereal. I didn't call her she was fat even though she was.
I would have never called the child an idiot nor did I ever raise my voice. I'd rematch now.

I'm glad you got in trouble for that.

NP here. You are ridiculous. The way white people tiptoe around weight and avoid saying anything about food or nutrition is insane. Everyone is fat and mom gets mad if the nanny tells the kid not to add sugar to her cereal. Your poor kids.

The way you speak to people matter. The way you speak to children, definitely matters! I seriously hope that you do not work with children if you find this acceptable. And to be clear, there is zero chance that any of my charges (not casual babysitting) would be allowed to add sugar to a cereal that already has added sugar, which is at least 90% of dry cereals on the market.

[Anonymous]

Do not expose your son to this tool of a caregiver.

Doing so may damage his self-esteem.

Rematch.
Stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Telling a kid to shut up and calling him an idiot is a hard no. I would rematch.

Agree. This au pair is at work and is shouting and name calling in the first week. No way.

+1 You already had a funny feeling about the au pair, and now this at the very beginning. Consider yourself warned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Telling a kid to shut up and calling him an idiot is a hard no. I would rematch.

Agree. This au pair is at work and is shouting and name calling in the first week. No way.

I’m fine with “shut up” (some children —and adults—need to learn to do that), particularly when the speaker persists in purposefully intrusive questioning. Sounds like your child knowingly pushed the au pair’s buttons. But a hard no on calling anyone an idiot. I would rematch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Telling a kid to shut up and calling him an idiot is a hard no. I would rematch.

Agree. This au pair is at work and is shouting and name calling in the first week. No way.

I’m fine with “shut up” (some children —and adults—need to learn to do that), particularly when the speaker persists in purposefully intrusive questioning. Sounds like your child knowingly pushed the au pair’s buttons. But a hard no on calling anyone an idiot. I would rematch.

Maybe you need to return to school to develop some broader language skills; telling anyone to shut up is completely unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

I just think this shows that he doesn't do well under something that is relatively low stress - I mean your kid was rude and the AP lost it with name calling and yelling. What is there is an emergency? Or something really goes wrong? You need someone with a more innate level of maturity than that to take care of your children.

[Anonymous]

OP, I certainly hope you’ve started the rematch process!