DS scared of his bedroom - escalating issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ps I grew up to prefer sleeping alone in a pitch black room.

Me too--lights off, door closed. For this kid, I might talk to a therapist about this, since at this point it sounds pretty interfering. CBT can be helpful if it turns out to be separation anxiety disorder or something else anxiety-related (phobia of the dark, etc.).

The kid is 9! Being afraid of being alone on a floor all by yourself all night isn't a sign of a disorder. It's being a normal kid.
Maybe having soemone stay with him while he falls asleep and a walkie-talkie will be enough to make him comfortable.

[Anonymous]

OP, you could check out the workbook "What to do when you Dread Your Bed" and see if that helps.

[Anonymous]

Ours was that age when he got the finished attic bedroom, third floor. He was a kid with a lot of anxiety generally. We put in an intercom. Walkie talkies--same thing. Maybe a sleepover to help him adjust?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you could check out the workbook "What to do when you Dread Your Bed" and see if that helps.

Or "What to do When you Worry Too Much" if he has problems with his brain not letting go of anxieties / fears. It's CBT-based and worked pretty well for my kid with anxiety. I haven't read the "dread your bed" one so I can't tell you which would be better for your situation.

Also Melatonin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ps I grew up to prefer sleeping alone in a pitch black room.

Me too--lights off, door closed. For this kid, I might talk to a therapist about this, since at this point it sounds pretty interfering. CBT can be helpful if it turns out to be separation anxiety disorder or something else anxiety-related (phobia of the dark, etc.).

The kid is 9! Being afraid of being alone on a floor all by yourself all night isn't a sign of a disorder. It's being a normal kid.
Maybe having soemone stay with him while he falls asleep and a walkie-talkie will be enough to make him comfortable.

Exactly. He's just not at the stage where he's ready to be so independent. He won't feel secure unless he's on the same level as the rest of the household. I don't think that is at all abnormal for a kid his age.

The last thing you want is for him to have sleepless, fearful nights for no good reason. Next thing you know, his school work will go downhill and then you'll have a real problem.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for all the tips!

He seems to be willing to try a few more things so maybe walkie-talkies and reading him to sleep and easing into a little more independence will work. Otherwise i guess I’m shuffling around may have to happen...

He’s a sort of middle-of-the-road anxiety kind of guy, not anxiety free, but not terrible. He’s self-aware enough to know that none of it is based on real fears, but he’s still scared. I kind of can’t blame him because I honestly think I might be scared if I had to sleep alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your description sounds like the kind of anxiety that my DD, 8, has. Her therapist said that if you give into the anxiety, it just gets worse. The kids need to be exposed to their triggers in small doses, working their way up. So I don't think it is a "tough it out" situation, but perhaps check in with a therapist for how to help manage his anxiety and come up with a plan. He will feel so proud of himself when he conquers this fear.

This is absurd. Of course his fears are irrational -- he's a kid. I think it's perfectly logical for a kid to be scared all alone on a floor, and not at all "anxiety." It's perfectly normal fear. Sheesh, why not just admit you thought you were doing him a favor but weren't, and move his bedroom.

[Anonymous]

This is crazy. Move him to be nearer to you. It won’t be long before he’s ready to be back up there on his own. Maybe in a year or so. Trust me- I’ve got 3 kids and my 10 yr old old is the youngest. This is a temporary move but his anxiety is developmentally appropriate.

[Anonymous]

I’d uproot the house and move things around. It’s so important to be feel comfortable and safe and cozy in your bedroom. Sleep is so fundamental to everything else.

[Anonymous]

how about making a smaller space in his room. for example a "tent" a "fort". They sell really fun things for boys like a cloth sports car. Like Privacy Pop tent:
https://www.privacypop.com/shop/tent/privacy-pop-bed-tent/blue/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=[G]%20-%20Smart%20Shopping&utm_term=[G]%20-%20Smart%20Shopping&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8Imb-vKh5AIVAV8NCh3EPwLXEAQYASABEgL_cPD_BwE

or this on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/BESTEN-Floorless-Indoor-Privacy-Drafty/dp/B07FD6JK68/ref=asc_df_B07FD6JK68/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=296898156683&hvpos=1o2&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3141151012312454284&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9007783&hvtargid=pla-534570644539&psc=1

I loved sleeping in the dark and silent and alone as a kid BUT the sounds made a difference. WHen i went to grad school i wended up getting a very large room with hardwood floors and it was echo like and kinda freaked me out and i was in my late 20's the first time i was freaked out in a bedroom. I resolved it by getting a rug to make it cozy and i painted the room a dark color that i loved and it made the room feel smaller (even though it was very large) so do a warm color tone not cool color so it is more soothing and "smaller" feeling. If it is mostly the size of the room. Plus the fun tent or just simply hang a big sheet to make it a cozy fort and he will have a smaller space and that might help....

good luck!

[Anonymous]

I had a closet door that wouldn’t close all the way and I imagined something was looking at me all night long. I think it’s just part of growing up to imagine “the possibilities “ as much as it’s part of growing up and seeing ideas to things you never considered before. I think the challenge is how to establish a routine that soothes without reinforcing the fear. I personally vote a dog, but hey, any excuse to get a dog will do.