SAHM with phone addiction

[Anonymous]

OP!
I quit posting on Facebook
I leave my phone in my bedroom. I'll check it once every two hours.
I have one game that I play before bed
I don't have voicemail; so dang annoying.
I return calls and text at my leisure. Except for my kids (90% of the time?). I do the same with non business emails.

You can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. Not sure if it is easier/better to delete the apps, or just try to have self control and not use the phone.

These are the words of an addict. An alcoholic doesn't get to keep the liquor cabinet after they get sober...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. Not sure if it is easier/better to delete the apps, or just try to have self control and not use the phone.

The persuasive design of social media (and lots of other things in digital "space") is designed to erode your self-control. Some people are more immune than others, just like some people are less likely to become alcoholics than others. So if you know you're NOT immune, you have to take steps to bolster your self-control. In fact studies show people with the most "self-control" really just design their lives to make doing what they want to do easy and doing what they don't want to do hard.

1) Delete the social media apps. Hide the web browser even (on an iPhone you can turn off Safari so it takes about five clicks plus a password to turn it back on when you need it, meaning you only go to it when you need it), so you can't access the Internet at all on your phone. Make your phone a glorified dumb phone with the smart phone features you'd want to add to a dumb phone - like music and navigation.

2) If need be, put your phone in a lock box that's next to one of those landline phones that connects over bluetooth to your cell. That way you can still get calls, but nothing else.

3) Cal Newport, author of Digital Minimalism, says that most people who spend too much time buried in screens are really just looking for meaningful things to pull them away from screens. Can you find some real-life connection - including adventures with your kids but maybe also meeting up with your friends - to pull you away from the phone? Or perhaps is there a perspective shift you can have about the work you're doing around the house that will help? I find I have to re-shift my perspective every two months or so when it comes to the work I'm doing around the house (childcare and house keeping both).

4) The black and white mode thing doesn't really work for me unless I'm doing at least #1 and #3, but it does help. I also find the color on my phone intensely saturated after leaving it black and white for a while.

5) Yes to those who said engage your mind. Kind of like #3. Books and audiobooks are good, but don't limit yourself to those. Think of ways you can use any talent you have around the house or in playing with your kids or just for you - writing, music, art, gardening, math, whatever interests you. Get outside. Do something engaging.

[Anonymous]

I’m a sahm. I’m on my phone a lot throughout the day. My kids are home with me. They don’t use screens ever. I don’t think I’m setting a bad example and I have no intention of changing.

I think what you’re doing on your phone makes all the difference here. I use mine to look up the weather, check traffic, make appts, find recipes, order groceries, do back to school shopping @ Target and Amazon, take pictures of my kids, edit pictures, post pics to shared albums and on insta, text my husband and my mom friends, get renovation ideas for house projects on houzz, etc etc.

As a sahm you’re very limited in where you can go and what you can do. If I didn’t have a baby and 2 preschoolers I could do a lot of this stuff in person. But since my life revolves around naptimes... yup, I’m on the phone doing my grocery shopping and ordering new pants. If I restricted my phone use, nothing would ever get done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a sahm. I’m on my phone a lot throughout the day. My kids are home with me. They don’t use screens ever. I don’t think I’m setting a bad example and I have no intention of changing.

I think what you’re doing on your phone makes all the difference here. I use mine to look up the weather, check traffic, make appts, find recipes, order groceries, do back to school shopping @ Target and Amazon, take pictures of my kids, edit pictures, post pics to shared albums and on insta, text my husband and my mom friends, get renovation ideas for house projects on houzz, etc etc.

As a sahm you’re very limited in where you can go and what you can do. If I didn’t have a baby and 2 preschoolers I could do a lot of this stuff in person. But since my life revolves around naptimes... yup, I’m on the phone doing my grocery shopping and ordering new pants. If I restricted my phone use, nothing would ever get done!

[Anonymous]

Get some nice headphones. Listen to books on audible while you do stuff around the house. Quit social media. Quit the news. I have done all this and I’m happier than ever. I’m learning so much. All time on social media is wasted. Eliminate it and fill up your time with books. I feel so much better. Seriously!

[Anonymous]

Delete the apps from your phone.

Disable your Facebook account, or log out so you are reminded to not log back in.

Set small goals: be superstitious and set goals like something bad will happen if you check it before every 10 days, etc. Or give yourself a certain amount of money every day for a special treat (shoes, clothes, etc.) that you stay off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set it to black and white mode. https://medium.com/better-humans/how-to-make-your-iphone-black-and-white-and-why-you-should-42e70deb92c7

WOW! Thank you! So helpful and easy.

Trying this! Unsure how to manage as i take loads of photos. That’s prob an addiction as well...I managed to change to grayscale which is calming, but the instructions in article to switch back aren’t evident on my phone (XR) Eventually will figure it out. What s relief to have a calmer screen.

[Anonymous]

Sorry this got moved as I’m sure many parent of young children struggle with this issue. I appreciate your post. It was helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. Not sure if it is easier/better to delete the apps, or just try to have self control and not use the phone.

The persuasive design of social media (and lots of other things in digital "space") is designed to erode your self-control. Some people are more immune than others, just like some people are less likely to become alcoholics than others. So if you know you're NOT immune, you have to take steps to bolster your self-control. In fact studies show people with the most "self-control" really just design their lives to make doing what they want to do easy and doing what they don't want to do hard.

1) Delete the social media apps. Hide the web browser even (on an iPhone you can turn off Safari so it takes about five clicks plus a password to turn it back on when you need it, meaning you only go to it when you need it), so you can't access the Internet at all on your phone. Make your phone a glorified dumb phone with the smart phone features you'd want to add to a dumb phone - like music and navigation.

2) If need be, put your phone in a lock box that's next to one of those landline phones that connects over bluetooth to your cell. That way you can still get calls, but nothing else.

3) Cal Newport, author of Digital Minimalism, says that most people who spend too much time buried in screens are really just looking for meaningful things to pull them away from screens. Can you find some real-life connection - including adventures with your kids but maybe also meeting up with your friends - to pull you away from the phone? Or perhaps is there a perspective shift you can have about the work you're doing around the house that will help? I find I have to re-shift my perspective every two months or so when it comes to the work I'm doing around the house (childcare and house keeping both).

4) The black and white mode thing doesn't really work for me unless I'm doing at least #1 and #3, but it does help. I also find the color on my phone intensely saturated after leaving it black and white for a while.

5) Yes to those who said engage your mind. Kind of like #3. Books and audiobooks are good, but don't limit yourself to those. Think of ways you can use any talent you have around the house or in playing with your kids or just for you - writing, music, art, gardening, math, whatever interests you. Get outside. Do something engaging.

Can you explain this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry this got moved as I’m sure many parent of young children struggle with this issue. I appreciate your post. It was helpful.

Thank you. I knew it would get moved. I was hoping for some help and not a war.

[Anonymous]

I leave my phone in another room and don't pick it up for hours at at time. Put a loud ring on it and silenced almost all notifications except text messages.

[Anonymous]

The PP above gives a lot of good advice, much of which is echoed in this book, which I just read.

http://www.catherine-price.com/how-to-break-up-with-your-phone
And it is broken down pretty well in this article by the author of the book:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/13/well/phone-cellphone-addiction-time.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share

[Anonymous]

What’s wrong with being on your phone? Would it be better to be on your laptop all day instead? Bc I feel like that’s what would happen if I ditched the phone for hours at a time.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s wrong with being on your phone? Would it be better to be on your laptop all day instead? Bc I feel like that’s what would happen if I ditched the phone for hours at a time.....

I know it's an addiction. I feel like my kids are playing next to me and I'm sitting nearby, on my phone.