When the parent goes on all play dates with their kid

[Anonymous]

I'm in the education field, so if a child has anxiety and still wants a parent to come (as someone upthread said) then I'd still have the playdate at my house half the time and the parent can come, no problem. Why? Because it's better for the anxious child to learn to go out of the house for playdates, etc. So I'd chat with the parent for a bit and then I'd go do my thing and the parent could read her kindle, phone, pull out some work and do it in the diningroom, go to her car and listen to the radio and zone out, etc. We'd prearrange this - as in, it's good for your son to be at my house, and you can come, but I really need to get some stuff done so I'm going to ask you to bring your own work, book, phone and I'm going to ditch you in the diningroom for most of it. K?

And if the parent didn't want to do that, then I'd say ok, then we'll just do all the playdates at your house because I'm not going to spend 3 hours chatting with every parent of 8 year olds in my house (unless the parent is a good friend, of course, but assuming this is just a random parent of a random child in my child's class)

But, no, I don't expect an 8 yr old to come towing a parent who stays and expects to be chatted with the whole time!

[Anonymous]

You guys are very trusting. No way I’m leaving my kids with classmates like that at age 4,5,6, or 7. Unfortunately, I’ve heard too many stories and dealt with peer to peer abuse myself as a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 6 and all my friends still come along for playdates. I don't know anyone who is doing drop off playdates at this age.

We started at 5 for all kids. At 4, we did drop offs when we knew the family pretty well.

This exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are very trusting. No way I’m leaving my kids with classmates like that at age 4,5,6, or 7. Unfortunately, I’ve heard too many stories and dealt with peer to peer abuse myself as a child.

It's not so much that I'm "very trusting." It's that I raise my kids to speak up if they have a problem, to know how to get out of unsafe situations, and *I* am a good judge of character and am not shy. I see nothing wrong with saying "Oh! I didn't realize you had guns just ... out on the kitchen table. That doesn't work for us, so McKenzie and I are going to have to leave, but Madison is welcome to come play at our house."

[Anonymous]

Given what I do for a living, there is no way I'd drop off my child until I knew the family, especially an elementary school kid. Especially if you aren't paying attention to the kids like you are saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given what I do for a living, there is no way I'd drop off my child until I knew the family, especially an elementary school kid. Especially if you aren't paying attention to the kids like you are saying.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are very trusting. No way I’m leaving my kids with classmates like that at age 4,5,6, or 7. Unfortunately, I’ve heard too many stories and dealt with peer to peer abuse myself as a child.

And that is fine, your kid, your rules. Please bring a book if your kid is coming to my house because I am going to be taking care of my to do list while the kids are playing.

My DS has told me that there are kids he doesn’t want to have over, so we don’t have them over. I trust that he is going to friends houses who he has fun with and he wants to be around. I know that he has come to me when he has told a kid to stop doing something and the kid has not stopped. He has told me when kids at camp have threatened to hurt him (once) or said things that were mean (a few times). He knows that I will follow through with anything that is bad (called the counselors after he told me that a kid at camp threatened to stab him and pulled him when I was dissatisfied with the camps response) and that I will help him discuss how to handle a kid who is annoying him.

So I trust that he will get an adult or tell me if something goes wrong on a play date.

The group of kids he wants to play with is pretty small right now and I know all the parents and the kids. I am comfortable leaving him at their houses and they are comfortable with the reverse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are very trusting. No way I’m leaving my kids with classmates like that at age 4,5,6, or 7. Unfortunately, I’ve heard too many stories and dealt with peer to peer abuse myself as a child.

And that is fine, your kid, your rules. Please bring a book if your kid is coming to my house because I am going to be taking care of my to do list while the kids are playing.

My DS has told me that there are kids he doesn’t want to have over, so we don’t have them over. I trust that he is going to friends houses who he has fun with and he wants to be around. I know that he has come to me when he has told a kid to stop doing something and the kid has not stopped. He has told me when kids at camp have threatened to hurt him (once) or said things that were mean (a few times). He knows that I will follow through with anything that is bad (called the counselors after he told me that a kid at camp threatened to stab him and pulled him when I was dissatisfied with the camps response) and that I will help him discuss how to handle a kid who is annoying him.

So I trust that he will get an adult or tell me if something goes wrong on a play date.

The group of kids he wants to play with is pretty small right now and I know all the parents and the kids. I am comfortable leaving him at their houses and they are comfortable with the reverse.

It’s not your sons job to be the parent. It is your job. Hard no to your house as you probably only believe your kid. You are too lazy to care where you send him. Sad for him.

[Anonymous]

7 years old is 1st/2nd grade. That's old enough to play with a friend without mommy there when you know the other family. Stop helicoptering & embarrassing your child. (I'm not talking about a special situation where the child needs the parent there.)

[Anonymous]

I'm the "random kid of elementary school" - well, I assumed we were talking parents I KNOW. Just not a good adult friend of mine.

[Anonymous]

I once had a parent come with plans to stay while her 9 and 12 year olds played with my kids. I was completely caught off guard and was planning to work while they were over, not entertain another adult. I tried to put it nicely and eventually she got it and left for a couple hours.

[Anonymous]

How long does this go on for? Will you eventually go on dates with your kids? I thought we were supposed to be teaching them how to navigate though life on their own someday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long does this go on for? Will you eventually go on dates with your kids? I thought we were supposed to be teaching them how to navigate though life on their own someday?

I pray that your child is never abused by another adult or a peer or that he/she is exposed to something that you weren’t ready to share with them just yet. To everyone above who is saying that their child would tell, I can tell you for sure that complaining about Susie not sharing her toys or name calling is not the same as Susie touched me inappropriately or that an adult did. Unfortunately, I am coming from an experienced place. The guilt usually falls on the abused and not the abuser. Keep up a guard and always be mindful that people aren’t always what we think they are. Are there good people out there? Of course! But there are also bad ones who are disguised as the good ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once had a parent come with plans to stay while her 9 and 12 year olds played with my kids. I was completely caught off guard and was planning to work while they were over, not entertain another adult. I tried to put it nicely and eventually she got it and left for a couple hours.

If she does not know you and you are working just don’t invite kids over. Simple. I would have left with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7 years old is 1st/2nd grade. That's old enough to play with a friend without mommy there when you know the other family. Stop helicoptering & embarrassing your child. (I'm not talking about a special situation where the child needs the parent there.)

Stop being a lazy parent.