Mother keeps saying I don't have a job

[Anonymous]

She’s jealous of the balance running an internet business gives you. She never had it that way as a working mom, back in the day.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's time to sit down with her and have a one on one, heart to heart chat. She may be legitimately confused about what you are doing for a living. It might help her to understand that you pay taxes, save for retirement and that your company is growing more and more profitable each year.

Online businesses are so much more abstract than a physical office building or store would be. Maybe she would better understand the comparison to Facebook or Amazon...whatever example would work best.

[Anonymous]

My siblings and I have given up explaining this. In our parents view, unless there is an office to show up to, then you are not working. They also complain my brother is frequently on his phone or computer while visiting. Explaining he is working, baffles them.

[Anonymous]

I kind of get it, OP. My mom thinks I'm a secretary instead of my relatively high level corporate position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she work? Is she unimpressed by your self-employment (I’m impressed, btw!) or does she really not understand that you make money?

She was a working professional. She is unimpressed by self-employment. She views a 'real job' as something someone else gives you, that requires you to be at a desk 9-5pm. I don't know what she thinks about the money aspect.

As for those who commented on the kids, she is very kind to my kids. Her relationship with them has a totally different dynamic. However, I feel diminished in front of them when she talks like this. Even if I didn't run a business, as a mother I would always have 'job', so the whole thing is just rude and pointless to me and cuts me down in front of the kids.

My MIL is the same way. She worked in a store, and I"m a college professor. I frequently work from home. I also spent much of my twenties in grad school and didn't get my professor position until I was in my 30s. She tells people that my SIL is very important because she goes to an office and has been working since she graduated from high school. Me? Not so much. She assumes that my DH and I have lots of free time to rake her leaves, etc. because we don't have jobs. LOL!

[Anonymous]

OP, Lula Roe?

[Anonymous]

OP - are you completely financially independent of your parents? You don't take any money from your parents, right? No paid vacations, no large cash gifts, no trust fund money, no downpayment money, no assumed inheritance.

She doesn't see you as financially independent, otherwise she would be more proud of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kind of get it, OP. My mom thinks I'm a secretary instead of my relatively high level corporate position.

Me too. When I switched jobs a number of years ago (it was a big step up) my mom gave me all kinds of advice about how to find people to eat lunch with. Bc that was obviously going to be my biggest concern.
Once we had kids, I received many comments from both sides of the family about “when will DH make enough money for me to stay home?”
Little did they know that we were working toward ME making enough for DH to take a step back (he works PT now).

OP, just laugh about it with those that get it, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Just grow up. "Mom, I work and you telling people I don't is insulting to me."
She is clearly a bully and you are scared of her. Grow a spine. She is also passive aggressive because you let her walk all over you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just grow up. "Mom, I work and you telling people I don't is insulting to me."
She is clearly a bully and you are scared of her. Grow a spine. She is also passive aggressive because you let her walk all over you.

+100

You're being a doormat to avoid conflict.
Your children won't respect you for not standing up for yourself & they certainly will question if you're capable of standing up for them if the need would arise (school bully, etc).

My grandmother/mother dynamic was the same exact way & because my grandmother was so great to us grandkids, I lost even more respect for my mom because she wouldn't stand up for herself to her sweet, innocent mother (so we all thought).

She used to tell me "when someone is yelling, it makes no sense to yell back because they can't hear you over themselves" & she was absolutely right & it would pacify the situation.

But man, just once I wanted her to say something back. As I got older, I would have her back & my grandmother would IMMEDIATELY back down & apologize... which would make me upset even more that my mom wasn't capable of standing up for herself after I showed her how easy it was.

Now I know better of course, but I am telling you now, your kids will not respect you if you don't stand up for yourself.
I've seen it one too many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she work? Is she unimpressed by your self-employment (I’m impressed, btw!) or does she really not understand that you make money?

She was a working professional. She is unimpressed by self-employment. She views a 'real job' as something someone else gives you, that requires you to be at a desk 9-5pm. I don't know what she thinks about the money aspect.

As for those who commented on the kids, she is very kind to my kids. Her relationship with them has a totally different dynamic. However, I feel diminished in front of them when she talks like this. Even if I didn't run a business, as a mother I would always have 'job', so the whole thing is just rude and pointless to me and cuts me down in front of the kids.

No, you would be an unemployed woman with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just grow up. "Mom, I work and you telling people I don't is insulting to me."
She is clearly a bully and you are scared of her. Grow a spine. She is also passive aggressive because you let her walk all over you.

+100

You're being a doormat to avoid conflict.
Your children won't respect you for not standing up for yourself & they certainly will question if you're capable of standing up for them if the need would arise (school bully, etc).

My grandmother/mother dynamic was the same exact way & because my grandmother was so great to us grandkids, I lost even more respect for my mom because she wouldn't stand up for herself to her sweet, innocent mother (so we all thought).

She used to tell me "when someone is yelling, it makes no sense to yell back because they can't hear you over themselves" & she was absolutely right & it would pacify the situation.

But man, just once I wanted her to say something back. As I got older, I would have her back & my grandmother would IMMEDIATELY back down & apologize... which would make me upset even more that my mom wasn't capable of standing up for herself after I showed her how easy it was.

Now I know better of course, but I am telling you now, your kids will not respect you if you don't stand up for yourself.
I've seen it one too many times.

+200

My mom and my grandma were the same way.
I would get so angry with my mom for not sticking up for herself - it made me see her in a whole different light and not a positive one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she work? Is she unimpressed by your self-employment (I’m impressed, btw!) or does she really not understand that you make money?

She was a working professional. She is unimpressed by self-employment. She views a 'real job' as something someone else gives you, that requires you to be at a desk 9-5pm. I don't know what she thinks about the money aspect.

As for those who commented on the kids, she is very kind to my kids. Her relationship with them has a totally different dynamic. However, I feel diminished in front of them when she talks like this. Even if I didn't run a business, as a mother I would always have 'job', so the whole thing is just rude and pointless to me and cuts me down in front of the kids.

My MIL is the same way. She worked in a store, and I"m a college professor. I frequently work from home. I also spent much of my twenties in grad school and didn't get my professor position until I was in my 30s. She tells people that my SIL is very important because she goes to an office and has been working since she graduated from high school. Me? Not so much. She assumes that my DH and I have lots of free time to rake her leaves, etc. because we don't have jobs. LOL!

Reading this I understand my parents never had a clue what I did for work. Also a college professor and professional art restorer (conservator). No they didn’t have the first idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's time to sit down with her and have a one on one, heart to heart chat. She may be legitimately confused about what you are doing for a living. It might help her to understand that you pay taxes, save for retirement and that your company is growing more and more profitable each year.

Online businesses are so much more abstract than a physical office building or store would be. Maybe she would better understand the comparison to Facebook or Amazon...whatever example would work best.

This. Seriously this. I cannot believe people are suggesting keeping get away from your kids. Most people I know with internet companies are basically breaking even. It is more of a hobby than a career (in thier words). So she may not truly understand that your job is different. Show some compassion and assume that her remarks are out of ignorance instead of malace.

[Anonymous]

She would prefer her friends think you are a SAHM. For many, this is a status thing, especially in HCOL areas.