Muslim mother wants me to follow her to a prayers session but she can't take 'No' for an answer

[Anonymous]

She will take "no" for an answer. People accept "no" for lots of things in their lives

[Anonymous]

Boundaries. The latter stuff sounds like a lot of typical mom stuff, who have a hard time not parenting their (adult) kids. I totally get it sucks, but try to understand her heart is in a good place.

As for the mosque, just say no. Tell her you'll go for a walk with her in the park instead. I grew up Muslim and HATE having to go to a mosque (but do for things like funeral prayers), because I'm just so tired of the 2nd class treatment as women, the small spaces, different entrance, the standing behind men, and hair covering/etc. If there's a God, I don't understand how they'd care if you covered a part of your body that *they* created.

I have many practicing Muslim friends that are advocates of changes concerning gender, which is great - but I can't get behind some of the archaic gender rules which are still in place in mosques.

So... no to mosque. Yes to boundaries. Yes to establishing alternate activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boundaries. The latter stuff sounds like a lot of typical mom stuff, who have a hard time not parenting their (adult) kids. I totally get it sucks, but try to understand her heart is in a good place.

As for the mosque, just say no. Tell her you'll go for a walk with her in the park instead. I grew up Muslim and HATE having to go to a mosque (but do for things like funeral prayers), because I'm just so tired of the 2nd class treatment as women, the small spaces, different entrance, the standing behind men, and hair covering/etc. If there's a God, I don't understand how they'd care if you covered a part of your body that *they* created.

I have many practicing Muslim friends that are advocates of changes concerning gender, which is great - but I can't get behind some of the archaic gender rules which are still in place in mosques.

So... no to mosque. Yes to boundaries. Yes to establishing alternate activities.

Sounds to me that the OP is doing all she can. She’s already said no to seeing the imam, but will accompany her mom to health appointments. What more can she do? It’s very psychologically taxing to deal with a parent like this- read the other thread about the mom and swimsuit. As for the culture comment, I think some cultures have a lot of trouble appreciating adult children as their own separate beings to the point of suffocation. Like conforming to a restrictive dress code when meeting family etc. It’s very one sided and imposing so it’s no wonder that there’s so much conflict between parent and child.

[Anonymous]

I’m Muslim and have a south Asian mother and this is not normal. Your mother is suffering from sever sever anxiety (the whole peeing in public thing?). Would highly recommend you check our and read some books about being the child of an anxious person. Boundaries are important but it’s better to understand their mindset and have an a-ha moment about how they think, so then you aren’t caught off guard.

On the plus side, it doesn’t sound like she’s a terrible person, just insanely anxious and uncomfortable to be around.

[Anonymous]

You have the option to move your flight up and just leave early if you don't feel safe. If you are in a muslim country, that's what I'd do. I know what it's like there and I will never go back.

Otherwise, if you're visiting for just a short period, I think you should just go ahead and put on the show for her. Once you've returned home, never visit again. You need to set your boundaries, I agree. But once you've made the decision to visit, you've made the decision to play nice for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m Muslim and have a south Asian mother and this is not normal. Your mother is suffering from sever sever anxiety (the whole peeing in public thing?). Would highly recommend you check our and read some books about being the child of an anxious person. Boundaries are important but it’s better to understand their mindset and have an a-ha moment about how they think, so then you aren’t caught off guard.

On the plus side, it doesn’t sound like she’s a terrible person, just insanely anxious and uncomfortable to be around.

OP here. I didnt share that my mom used to slap me around until I was about to enter college. It was and still is a dysfunctional environment living with her and lack of emotional regulation. I know she means well but she just has no self-awareness and everything is about face. Just today, I accompanied her to a medical appointment and she was upset with me that I wasnt asking the doctor questions about fibromyglia. I was like, wasnt this appointment about you and why would my input be expected? She has a way of just interpreting everything in a twisted way it's scary. Like how she's telling me that Im overly sensitive and easily offended by prayers and religion just because Im not doing this for her. Nuts! She's the one who cant process me being an atheist. Btw PP, which books do you recommend?

[Anonymous]

OP i hear you. My 8 year old makes me play Pokémon cards with him. Will not take no for an answer. I need to set some boundaries here.

[Anonymous]

https://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=overcoming+abusive+parents&qid=1560199215&s=gateway&sr=8-4#customerReviews

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m Muslim and have a south Asian mother and this is not normal. Your mother is suffering from sever sever anxiety (the whole peeing in public thing?). Would highly recommend you check our and read some books about being the child of an anxious person. Boundaries are important but it’s better to understand their mindset and have an a-ha moment about how they think, so then you aren’t caught off guard.

On the plus side, it doesn’t sound like she’s a terrible person, just insanely anxious and uncomfortable to be around.

More like a narcissist who really only cares about herself and about making herself feel good at the expense of OP.