I have a kid that can be jerky do not always blame the parents!

[Anonymous]

I know, OP, I know.

[Anonymous]

* getting high

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has a new friend that’s had some really tough stuff at home lately. I know the boy is going off the rails a bit and most in our circle have been gossipy about him, his mom and the stuff he’s doing. I went to my son and said xx is going through some really tough stuff, and I know he’s acting out, getting a lot. I decided to keep the communication open with my son, not ban him from seeing him, and to me most importantly show compassion for a family in a difficult out place. Instead of alienating the kid, I have asked him over for dinner and tried to get to know him. My mantra with my son is good kids make mistakes.

Really hope others here are inspired by your compassion and extend themselves similarly in their communities.

[Anonymous]

You are less likely to judge parents once you have a difficult kid. I guess it’s one upside to having a challenging child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is a jerk, I blame the child and the parents.

Not OP but you are an ass.

Not OP either and +1000 to the PP.

[Anonymous]

Blame the people influencing the kid during school hours.

[Anonymous]

Some parents are bad and allow (or create) bad behavior.
Most parents are good and trying their best. And sometimes their kids are good, sometimes they are challenging. Just because you have good kids, don’t pat yourself on the back for what an awesome parent you are. You probably had easier kids.

I have a relatively good toddler. Have some of my parenting choices been good and worked for him? Yes. But is it all me? No way! I think it’s 75% the kid you have and 25% the parenting choices you make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my brother was like your son. He was awful to me when we were teens. He was my bully. High school was my safe space, and home was where I was bullied (by him).

He's now 37 and just this year called me one night to apologize for how he treated me when we were kids/teens. He's also making sporadic attempts to email me (we live in different countries now) about his life.

I suspect he's started therapy, probably at his wife's urging. But she loves him and they are still married, and whatever is going on, he's finally showing signs of empathy and wanting to connect with family. And it has been just enough years for me to forgive him and to be open to his advances to connect.

So there's hope.

Oh, this sounds so awful PP, I'm sorry
Where were your parents in all of this?
We're they working?

[Anonymous]

Can’t help who comes out of your body. Sorry, OP! People are judgmental jerks. They want tobthink it’s been you because that implies that it can’t happen to them. Hope you’re kid straightens out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are less likely to judge parents once you have a difficult kid. I guess it’s one upside to having a challenging child.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my brother was like your son. He was awful to me when we were teens. He was my bully. High school was my safe space, and home was where I was bullied (by him).

He's now 37 and just this year called me one night to apologize for how he treated me when we were kids/teens. He's also making sporadic attempts to email me (we live in different countries now) about his life.

I suspect he's started therapy, probably at his wife's urging. But she loves him and they are still married, and whatever is going on, he's finally showing signs of empathy and wanting to connect with family. And it has been just enough years for me to forgive him and to be open to his advances to connect.

So there's hope.

This was me as well. Brother was four years older. Hit me (broke bones), called me names, gossiped about me, all of it. I was terrified of him. He has mellowed, now is 50. Never did get that apology though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some parents are bad and allow (or create) bad behavior.
Most parents are good and trying their best. And sometimes their kids are good, sometimes they are challenging. Just because you have good kids, don’t pat yourself on the back for what an awesome parent you are. You probably had easier kids.

I have a relatively good toddler. Have some of my parenting choices been good and worked for him? Yes. But is it all me? No way! I think it’s 75% the kid you have and 25% the parenting choices you make.

Isn't this the truth!?

I was so smug like some of these posters with my first two who are so so easy and compliant. #3 came along and knocked me right off my high horse.

[Anonymous]

OP, the kid you’re describing may grown into a good man. Circumstances have given him the opportunity to act like an ass right now and not suffer for it. But as life changes and he matures, I think good parenting will kick in. You’re giving him the foundation he needs, and he may well fall back on it one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my brother was like your son. He was awful to me when we were teens. He was my bully. High school was my safe space, and home was where I was bullied (by him).

He's now 37 and just this year called me one night to apologize for how he treated me when we were kids/teens. He's also making sporadic attempts to email me (we live in different countries now) about his life.

I suspect he's started therapy, probably at his wife's urging. But she loves him and they are still married, and whatever is going on, he's finally showing signs of empathy and wanting to connect with family. And it has been just enough years for me to forgive him and to be open to his advances to connect.

So there's hope.

Oh, this sounds so awful PP, I'm sorry
Where were your parents in all of this?
We're they working?

I had a brother like this, he even stuck my head in the toilet bowl.

My mother did not work. My father had a pretty easy 8-5 working for the government. My parents could not watch my brother all hours of the day.

Some kids are just hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my brother was like your son. He was awful to me when we were teens. He was my bully. High school was my safe space, and home was where I was bullied (by him).

He's now 37 and just this year called me one night to apologize for how he treated me when we were kids/teens. He's also making sporadic attempts to email me (we live in different countries now) about his life.

I suspect he's started therapy, probably at his wife's urging. But she loves him and they are still married, and whatever is going on, he's finally showing signs of empathy and wanting to connect with family. And it has been just enough years for me to forgive him and to be open to his advances to connect.

So there's hope.

Oh, this sounds so awful PP, I'm sorry
Where were your parents in all of this?
We're they working?

I had a brother like this, he even stuck my head in the toilet bowl.

My mother did not work. My father had a pretty easy 8-5 working for the government. My parents could not watch my brother all hours of the day.

Some kids are just hard.

This was me as well. Two years ago he was still provoking me for his amusement, that was when I cut him out of my life. Six months ago I received an email from wanting to speak but I am sure he just misses torturing me.