Over 55 Total Drama Island Community

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you said over 55 community, but here are some articles from assisted living and nursing homes:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5721425/Nursing-homes-senior-centers-bullying-no-age-limit.html
http://www.nbcnews.com/id/41353544/ns/health-aging/t/mean-old-girls-seniors-who-bully/#.XNxOhqR7kb4

Google it. Plenty more articles. I'm sure dementia makes it worse. My own mother who had very mild narcissistic tendencies is turning into a bully.

Really...stop. It is not dementia..they are all with it, and not actually old. Not everyone over 60 starts losing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you said over 55 community, but here are some articles from assisted living and nursing homes:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5721425/Nursing-homes-senior-centers-bullying-no-age-limit.html
http://www.nbcnews.com/id/41353544/ns/health-aging/t/mean-old-girls-seniors-who-bully/#.XNxOhqR7kb4

Google it. Plenty more articles. I'm sure dementia makes it worse. My own mother who had very mild narcissistic tendencies is turning into a bully.

Really...stop. It is not dementia..they are all with it, and not actually old. Not everyone over 60 starts losing it.

Independent living and assisted living is not the same as over 55 developments. Very different environments. This is not a dementia thing. It is a social thing.

[Anonymous]

Older isn't necessarily wiser or better. There is such a thing called old fool.

My MIL's friend just got jealous of her new male friend, confessed his undying love to you, and asked her not to see her new friend again. So middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They should start posting mean things about the queen bee on Instagram. Maybe her granddaughter will see it.

Please, do not encourage cyber bullying! This is something that can do major and irreversible damage. Perhaps the group will have a chance to heal but once someone puts something out there it can be devastating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They should start posting mean things about the queen bee on Instagram. Maybe her granddaughter will see it.

Please, do not encourage cyber bullying! This is something that can do major and irreversible damage. Perhaps the group will have a chance to heal but once someone puts something out there it can be devastating.

I get the sense the person was making a sarcastic joke. That's how the middle school girls get back at eachother after all.

OP I find throughout life the nasty queen B types often struggle with personality disorders and/or depression. Better for your mom to just find her type of people. Volunteer work might help distract her and help her meet nice people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents moved to an over 55 community several years ago and were having the time of their lives until recently when Mom and a few of her friends were ousted from their group. Seems as though the queen bee decided this with no explanation other than "we were never really friends". Others have confessed their fear of queen bee but have stayed with the original group. This middle school behavior makes me not want to move to such a community. Anyone else experience the same?

Could your mom ask the queen bee if she has dementia? It would be interesting to hear the response at least.

[Anonymous]

I worked in one of these communities when I was in college. It was like high school with denture cream. Among the women, especially. There was an abiding fear of someone “stealing your man”, that I think contributed. With the advent of effective ED drugs, I can only imagine how much worse that has gotten.

Also saw how people failed to plan for how they would spend their time in retirement, primarily the men. This was a generation where the men had been the sole breadwinner, going off to work every day for the past 40 years. Once they no longer had that office to go to, a lot of these guys effectively had no hobbies or social network. Also many had their identities tied up in their profession/ title. Tough to deal with when that goes away.

[Anonymous]

My mom and stepdad have lived in a "retirement community for active seniors" for about 8 years. They're in their early 70s now. I swear my mother has a party five nights a week and is on a million different "club" committees like the Country Western Line Dance Club and the Golf Cart Club. (No joke!) My mother, who had a very rich career and was always above any drama, regularly shares tales about the drama in the neighborhood. It's ridiculous, and honestly it annoys me that she lets it get to her. There was an ongoing saga over a bingo machine (again, I couldn't make this up if I tried) that was positively biblical by the end. I asked my mom why there was so much drama and she said, "Most of the people here have had successful careers and are used to be in charge. Once you get us all together with lots of free time people are bound to butt heads." I'm glad that she and my stepfather are happy and enjoying retirement, but sometimes the social stuff is a bit much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, this is not assisted living. Ousters are in their mid 60s. Terrible behavior.

Are they wealthy?

[Anonymous]

Queen bees exist in high school, college all the way through retirement communities. Shouldn’t women learn to deal with them at some point?

[Anonymous]

I think the PP who worked at one of these was right. I've heard some of the same things from others who were in the 55+ age zone -- they said it tends toward a lot of people who don't have a lot to do other than be grouchy and want to run things. The smallest things become big deals b/c people don't have other things to deal with in life (like jobs, or kids, or whatever).

I like the idea of a 55+ community with extra amenities and activities... but the drama from a lot of little generals is a reason to think twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom and stepdad have lived in a "retirement community for active seniors" for about 8 years. They're in their early 70s now. I swear my mother has a party five nights a week and is on a million different "club" committees like the Country Western Line Dance Club and the Golf Cart Club. (No joke!) My mother, who had a very rich career and was always above any drama, regularly shares tales about the drama in the neighborhood. It's ridiculous, and honestly it annoys me that she lets it get to her. There was an ongoing saga over a bingo machine (again, I couldn't make this up if I tried) that was positively biblical by the end. I asked my mom why there was so much drama and she said, "Most of the people here have had successful careers and are used to be in charge. Once you get us all together with lots of free time [you realize that] people are [ ] butt heads." I'm glad that she and my stepfather are happy and enjoying retirement, but sometimes the social stuff is a bit much.

I fixed that for you.

This is why I'm never moving to a place like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Queen bees exist in high school, college all the way through retirement communities. Shouldn’t women learn to deal with them at some point?

Yes and no. Some have spent a lifetime manipulating people and everyone has honed their technique. Easy to get blindsided

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom and stepdad have lived in a "retirement community for active seniors" for about 8 years. They're in their early 70s now. I swear my mother has a party five nights a week and is on a million different "club" committees like the Country Western Line Dance Club and the Golf Cart Club. (No joke!) My mother, who had a very rich career and was always above any drama, regularly shares tales about the drama in the neighborhood. It's ridiculous, and honestly it annoys me that she lets it get to her. There was an ongoing saga over a bingo machine (again, I couldn't make this up if I tried) that was positively biblical by the end. I asked my mom why there was so much drama and she said, "Most of the people here have had successful careers and are used to be in charge. Once you get us all together with lots of free time people are bound to butt heads." I'm glad that she and my stepfather are happy and enjoying retirement, but sometimes the social stuff is a bit much.

My dad lives in a community like that and it’s the same — a lot of type A, recent retirees who now have too much time on their hands — and seemingly endless drama. And parties! OMG, the parties! Similarly, I’m happy that he’s happy, but I’m glad he can’t see the eyerolls thru the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So women never change. This middle school mean girl routine is for life. Great.

As for your mom, well at least it's a group of them that have been ousted from the group. Tell them to enjoy the activities they like and enjoy themselves. If others are afraid of the queen bee then so be it. If they haven't worked it out by their age they probably never will.

I'm sure the others will be more upset seeing them enjoy themselves and not bothered by being ousted.

x1000

Nailed it!