What would this look like? Pros and Cons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, either Dad gets kid on the weekday or you have a court battle and take away visitation and custody. What are your options? You give him a few days a week and be decent about it. You need him to work for child support.

I don’t need the CS. It is very, very low and paid inconsistently. I accept it only because the state doesn’t allow it to be waived and uses a preset formula.

I do need happy DC and my ex to not be homeless or angry. TBH, I’d be lucky to have every weekend with DC, but have trepidation about the impact on school.

Give him two nights a week - Sunday and another night or what ever and be done with it. You send food and what he needs to dad's house. Its almost the end of the school year so what would it look like in the summer?

That would be doable, but he says he cannot do Sun nights. He would be released in the late evening, have to travel from the jail to his home in another county, drive his car to pick up his pets from boarding, etc. and won’t be settled until around 10 PM. He says 4 school nights is the equivalent of EOW since his time would be interrupted by school and work. This seems inequitable. Which is why I asked what no weekends looked like for other parents.

The summer is less of an issue, except his inability to travel out of state for camp pickup or drop off.

I posted earlier about how my ex has my child almost every weekend.

I think that your ex, like my ex, is thinking about this logistically from his own perspective, in terms of mathematical fairness of time. That is understandable but not necessarily the best perspective when you are talking about a child. In my mind, you should both be considering what is in the best interest of the child. You did not mention how old your child is, so that would be helpful information for this thought process. How long would this arrangement exist? How long is your ex's sentence? Because if this is a temporary arrangement, over the summer, then it would maybe make sense. However, as a long term custody arrangement, I do not think it is healthy for the relationships each parent has with the child for each parent to basically only deal with one aspect of the kid's life. For me, it is sometimes frustrating that I am always the homework police, always the bedtime police, never the one who is taking her to a birthday party, never the one just having a lazy Sunday morning with her, etc. The consequences for my ex are that he basically has no visibility into her school life. He is never here during the week to go to a parent teacher conference or a school event. He does not know her school friends and hasn't met her teachers this year at all. He hasn't taken her to a doctor's appointment or anything like that in years. Her weekend life is totally partitioned from her weekday life, and while I am happy to be flexible in order to make it possible for her to see her dad at all, it is frustrating that he gets all the fun times and I get all the difficult ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, either Dad gets kid on the weekday or you have a court battle and take away visitation and custody. What are your options? You give him a few days a week and be decent about it. You need him to work for child support.

I don’t need the CS. It is very, very low and paid inconsistently. I accept it only because the state doesn’t allow it to be waived and uses a preset formula.

I do need happy DC and my ex to not be homeless or angry. TBH, I’d be lucky to have every weekend with DC, but have trepidation about the impact on school.

Give him two nights a week - Sunday and another night or what ever and be done with it. You send food and what he needs to dad's house. Its almost the end of the school year so what would it look like in the summer?

That would be doable, but he says he cannot do Sun nights. He would be released in the late evening, have to travel from the jail to his home in another county, drive his car to pick up his pets from boarding, etc. and won’t be settled until around 10 PM. He says 4 school nights is the equivalent of EOW since his time would be interrupted by school and work. This seems inequitable. Which is why I asked what no weekends looked like for other parents.

The summer is less of an issue, except his inability to travel out of state for camp pickup or drop off.

I posted earlier about how my ex has my child almost every weekend.

I think that your ex, like my ex, is thinking about this logistically from his own perspective, in terms of mathematical fairness of time. That is understandable but not necessarily the best perspective when you are talking about a child. In my mind, you should both be considering what is in the best interest of the child. You did not mention how old your child is, so that would be helpful information for this thought process. How long would this arrangement exist? How long is your ex's sentence? Because if this is a temporary arrangement, over the summer, then it would maybe make sense. However, as a long term custody arrangement, I do not think it is healthy for the relationships each parent has with the child for each parent to basically only deal with one aspect of the kid's life. For me, it is sometimes frustrating that I am always the homework police, always the bedtime police, never the one who is taking her to a birthday party, never the one just having a lazy Sunday morning with her, etc. The consequences for my ex are that he basically has no visibility into her school life. He is never here during the week to go to a parent teacher conference or a school event. He does not know her school friends and hasn't met her teachers this year at all. He hasn't taken her to a doctor's appointment or anything like that in years. Her weekend life is totally partitioned from her weekday life, and while I am happy to be flexible in order to make it possible for her to see her dad at all, it is frustrating that he gets all the fun times and I get all the difficult ones.

Married or divorced its common only one parent does things like doctors appointments, homework and conferences.