Do you give your kids a choice to go places or not?

[Anonymous]

If DS, 6, says he doesn't want to do something because he isn't feeling well or is tired, and it is not mandatory like school, Doctors, or the like, I will say "OK. Go to bed. You can read and play with your stuffed animals in bed but no videos and no playing in other rooms." If he goes and changes, I know that he is really not feeling up to what ever the event is. If he is saying he isn't feeling well enough for school we check for fever and ask what the problem is. If he stays home from school he is in his room and all activities are cancelled.

More often then not, he is prodding us to go for a hike or to go out on his bike or to go to the park. It is rare that we get push back on going and doing something.

[Anonymous]

My 3 year old doesn't really get a choice. Unless she's not feeling well or say something to that effect. She did not want to get into the car and go on a hike last week. Because she wanted to go to the nearer trail. Newness is a little scary sometimes. She got there and loved it. And all I've heard all week so "when are we going to place x again".

[Anonymous]

A lot of times when I give my 2-year-old daughter a choice of where to go, we go to the place she chose and she cries the whole time and asks to go somewhere else....

[Anonymous]

I WOHM so only on weekends and I only have one, but I don't give a choice of if we are doing something, but sometimes where, like last weekend "do you want to go to the playground or to art class?" He chose the playground. The choice is never to it around watching TV all morning.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all. I'm just always surprised when I have plans with someone but they cancel because "Larla didn't want to come. Argh, I couldn't get her to leave!"

It's definitely possible that the mom doesn't want to come anyway and blames it on Larla. But more often than not, the mother sounds disappointed. Or, when we have plans to go to lunch but she lets Larla say "no, I don't want to go". Very bizarre.

I thought I was maybe too harsh with my kids for not giving them a say, but it sounds like we are normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes when people say, "oh Timmy didn't want to come to that, I was so disappointed" they really mean, "I didn't want to come and I am using my kid as an excuse."

This.

They don't want to do what you're offering.

[Anonymous]

You have enough time to notice or care this much about what other people are or are not doing?

We sometimes just get up and go with no input from the kids; we sometimes run a few ideas and let them choose; we sometimes listen and work with them if there is something they particularly do or do not want to do.

[Anonymous]

Not at that age. I have a 2yo, 8yo and 10yo. Older kids object often. I don’t normally make plans for them without asking.

When it is just our family, there are lots of opinions. I give them heads up and choices. Family outing to cherry blossoms? No choice. Playground? Ok if older kids stay home. Cox farms, butlers Orchard type outings we at least discuss night before.

[Anonymous]

I consider myself a pretty strict parent and my kids have choices about certain things but we don't discuss everything with them. However, if they didn't want to do something, I'm not sure I'd make them. Like if I mention going on a bike ride and they don't want to, I'm not sure I'd force them. Now, if OP is talking about a hike that's been planned, I would probably drag them on it if we had previously discussed it and they just said at the last minute that they didn't want to go (barring a fever or other illness). I think you'd get a better feeling for this mom's parenting if you went out for a meal or other activity with her and saw how much she gave in to her kid. But for a one-time thing I'd let it go.

[Anonymous]

I often give my kids a choice in what we're doing for the day. Some mornings we don't leave the house because they want to play with blocks or play dough or dig in the yard. But they both have to agree to the plan of not leaving. For me, I don't view it as letting them rule everything, it's just I'm picking my battles and I'm not going to battle them putting on pants to drag them to an activity when creative open-ended play is the other option. If they're happy, I'll take that time to clean the house and we'll go out later and miss whatever morning activity was on the docket.

That said, if there's a class or something we paid for of if we agreed to meet someone... we go and are there on time or early. If they're delaying getting ready or complaining I'll just cut out an activity so they understand the consequences. For example "you have 2 minutes to put on your shoes and if you don't we won't have time to look at the elephants before your zoo class". If that doesn't work they I will "help" them finish getting dressed and force them out the door to not be late and they'll miss whatever incentive they had to leave on time.

+1 on people using their kids as excuses though. I don't, but have been stood up by people doing that and I find it very rude. I've had moms show up 1.5 hours later than agreed. I assume those people were just rude before kids too.

[Anonymous]

For kid-focused activities (museum, indoor play place, splashpark) I frequently asked my DD (now 5) starting when she was 2.5 or 3, but I usually would give two choices (X or Y). It wasn't worth it to drag her somewhere she really didn't want to go because she wouldn't be engaged. I also sometimes gave her the option to stay home with her dad while I went to the grocery store, etc.

She has been very verbal and opinionated since she was 2, so I felt she understood whether she did or did not want to do things.

Other things -- daycare, doctor, etc., playdate with my close friends' children -- were not optional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes when people say, "oh Timmy didn't want to come to that, I was so disappointed" they really mean, "I didn't want to come and I am using my kid as an excuse."

Agree

[Anonymous]

At those ages, typically no.
Kids are now 9 & 5, and I often give them a few options (all of which I’d be fine to do) and choose together. If we agree to meet someone else, we are going unless someone is sick or there’s an emergency.