If youre a mom who sort of lost herself...

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry about your dad, but realize that you are/were bound to change (and re-identify yourself) regardless. That is part of life with its ever changing dynamics - new house/neighborhood, kids growing up, various relationships mature or die. It happens to all of us. We all sorta evolve during the many chapters of our lives.

I wouldn't dwell on the past. Start looking forward and be present in the moment.

If you want, write some daily confirmations/observations/feelings in a journal.

[Anonymous]

Thank you to all the additional PP's who have given me suggestions and shared their stories. I really am grateful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar experience. I found myself sitting on a park bench sobbing the week before I turned 40, with aging parents, young kids, a job and a marriage, and I was totally lost. The me I was had been lost. I didn’t feel like I had changed, really, just that I had forgotten myself. I picked a couple of things that had been key to my identity in previous points in my life and started doing them again - best thing was taking back up a much-loved sport. Makes me feel like my 20 year old self. Hope you find yourself soon, OP!

What is your sport?

[Anonymous]

That sounds so hard - I can very much relate to your dad's stroke and how hard that is. My mom suffered a traumatic brain injury/surgery and months in rehab 2 years ago and now is no longer the strong single mom I grew up with and it breaks my heart. I see glimmers of her old self, but now when we are together, I'm making sure she has groceries and running errands with/for her since she can't drive now. My sister and I really struggle with not thinking about how things used to be.

I'm still in the muddling through phase, but anticipate that I'll be in your shoes in a few years..

Hope you can find yourself again - maybe a hobby or activity you'd like to get into? If I had more time I'd like to get back into quilting, running, or even rowing.

[Anonymous]

Similar to you in some ways but my mom had cancer, kids had SN and I’m now 16 years in. See a therapist if possible. I wish I had taken steps sooner. I was blissfully happy for the first 8 years of parenthood and loved being a SAHM. Then my mom got sick and one child after another was diagnosed with this and that. The next 5 years were like a fog. I was so focused on my mom and kids and just putting one foot in front of the other. Then my mom passed and I literally fell to pieces. My kids issues are resolved and they don’t need me as much. Life is so much less stressful than all those years ago but I feel like I’ve lost who I am.

[Anonymous]

I think every Mom does that at some point. It is not fun but it is curable. I have to have some "ME" time (https://bit.ly/2J99vga). Plan for it, take it and realize that it is important not only for yourself but for your family's well being. Take a class, get a part time job that can be at home or at a job site, go to an exercise class, write, read, plant a garden, take a "Her Royal Majesty the Queen Bath." or go on a date with the hubby. Find something that interests you and do it. I am praying for you to find the "you" God created you to be and be able to live in it. Enjoy and be blessed. Ask yourself-what do I want to do for an hour? Sometimes I just answered "sit still and be quiet." But you can start there. You will find yourself and it will make you a better Mom and wife.

PS, I have been lost more than once. But I have been found.So sorry for your losses.