Can someone walk me through this - restraining order against ex wife's new boyfriend

[Anonymous]

How new is the boyfriend and why is she already living with him? If she's only been divorced for a year and is already living with some new guy, a judge is (probably rightly) going to seriously question her judgment

[Anonymous]

Read up on the stats of molestation, abuse and murder by a mothers paramour. Non biological male love interests are the most likely to hurt the kids in their care. I would 100% be on the dads side with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Have not met the boyfriend, they live out of state.

From what I know the boyfriend smokes pot recreationally. And he has been late a few times picking up my sisters youngest from preschool, late enough to the point where they had to call her and the ex husband wondering if someone would pick him up.

I think these are the basis for ex husband filing the r.o. Which I wonder is enough for a judge. There could also likely be more that my sister has not told me about.

I guess we will find out, the hearing is Wednesday.

If the bf is smoking pot in the house, I’d get a restraining order against him too. If he’s been that late in a very short period of time since he started this pick up schedule, that would also be a huge negative against him for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How new is the boyfriend and why is she already living with him? If she's only been divorced for a year and is already living with some new guy, a judge is (probably rightly) going to seriously question her judgment

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Have not met the boyfriend, they live out of state.

From what I know the boyfriend smokes pot recreationally. And he has been late a few times picking up my sisters youngest from preschool, late enough to the point where they had to call her and the ex husband wondering if someone would pick him up.

I think these are the basis for ex husband filing the r.o. Which I wonder is enough for a judge. There could also likely be more that my sister has not told me about.

I guess we will find out, the hearing is Wednesday.

OP, your sister needs to know this. The judge doesn't know her or her ex. Doesn't know the ex is an ass or whatever. In fact, the judge is much like the people on this board - responding based solely on the facts presented and wholly uninfluenced by the actual people involved.

So, this judge who doesn't know any of these people is going to hear that within a year of a divorce your sister moved her kids in with a new man, who uses illegal drugs. Furthermore, she is relying on that man for childcare, despite the fact that on more than one occasion he has forgotten a preschooler (something which would get any professional caregiver fired).

I know you love your sister, but come on -- put on your objective outsider hat. What would you think/do if you were the judge?

If her kids are your sister's first priority she needs to kick the boyfriend out, out her damn head on straight, and slow way the hell down.

[Anonymous]

Op here. The divorce has been finalized since last summer and they were separated for a year before that. Her ex husband is already married to someone else. (I realize this could be a maury povich show)

Not sure her living with the guy should be grounds for a restraining order..? I think the smoking pot and late pickups will be the issue here.. ..

[Anonymous]

Op again. Totally agree my sister is probably better off without this boyfriend but I can't make her do that. I'm just concerned for the well being of my nieces and nephews at this point and originally posted because I was curious what evidence a judge needs at this hearing and what will happen at this hearing.

[Anonymous]

I'm not from your area, so pardon me, but is weed legal there?
Being late for pick-up sucks, but definitely isn't grounds for a restraining order...
If there isn't more to this, then your ex-BIL is just an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again. Totally agree my sister is probably better off without this boyfriend but I can't make her do that. I'm just concerned for the well being of my nieces and nephews at this point and originally posted because I was curious what evidence a judge needs at this hearing and what will happen at this hearing.

How can you say that she is better off without him, if you haven't met him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The divorce has been finalized since last summer and they were separated for a year before that. Her ex husband is already married to someone else. (I realize this could be a maury povich show)

Not sure her living with the guy should be grounds for a restraining order..? I think the smoking pot and late pickups will be the issue here.. ..

Of course her living with someone is not grounds for a restraining order. It could perhaps be grounds for a change in the custody order. Same with smoking and late pickups. You have to reasonably fear risk of harm, not a less than ideal living situation.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I guess you're right. I don't know if she'd be better off without him or not. From what I know, it does seem like he wouldn't be the best choice as a caregiver for her kids, but if they are not in real danger or anything...

I was just trying to find out what standards of evidence a judge needs to grant a r.o. And what happens at these hearings.

At this point I'll just stop speculating and wait to see what the hearing brings.

[Anonymous]

Op again. Weed is not legal in my sisters state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How new is the boyfriend and why is she already living with him? If she's only been divorced for a year and is already living with some new guy, a judge is (probably rightly) going to seriously question her judgment

The judge won't be questioning mom's judgement. The judge will be concerned with whether the boyfriend is allowed near the children. Honestly, it doesn't sound like dad has much to go on unless they guy has been arrested for selling/possession of drugs (cause he's not going to admit to smoking it to a judge, and anyone else's word is hearsay).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How new is the boyfriend and why is she already living with him? If she's only been divorced for a year and is already living with some new guy, a judge is (probably rightly) going to seriously question her judgment

The judge won't be questioning mom's judgement. The judge will be concerned with whether the boyfriend is allowed near the children. Honestly, it doesn't sound like dad has much to go on unless they guy has been arrested for selling/possession of drugs (cause he's not going to admit to smoking it to a judge, and anyone else's word is hearsay).

Actually, I ran into this situation. My ex's significant other sent texts basically admitting to being stoned with the kids (because their clothes smelled AWFUL that an elementary school teacher actually called CPS). I used that text to essentially demonstrate that this person was engaged in illegal activity when the children were present and that was pretty much all it took to get the restraining order.

I used that to modify custody and am the primary custodian now (DH here). It was expensive, but the drugs were not something I am okay with.

[Anonymous]

Sorry your sister is such a winner. Man.