Parenting with a severely depressed spouse

[Anonymous]

My husband has severe depression and he says your wife needs ketamine. It's not FDA approved yet for severe depression, but some psychiatrists are prescribing it for depression. There are also studies that you can enroll in. Might want to take a look at it.

I understand how hard this is. My husband has been as bad as your wife before, but never for so long. I sat him down and told him he had to get help, and I would do anything in my power to help him get it. Thank god he listened and got off the couch and did something about it. We still struggle every day, but things are better. I hope you get there one day.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been where your wife is. Luckily it was before I had kids. But if I hadn’t been living with my parents I probably would’ve died of starvation because I couldn’t even feed myself.

The only place that could find the right medication cocktail was the Amen Clinic in Reston. They know what they are doing and can tell you exactly why they recommend drug X vs drug Y. Every other psychiatrist just randomly gave me a drug and was like “well, let’s see if this works “.

The Amen Clinic saved my life.

[Anonymous]

Sleep deprivation and depression are similar. Is she getting enough sleep?

[Anonymous]

What kind of treatment has your wife gotten and what is she getting now? This sounds like an emergency situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There have been a few threads recently posted by women whose husbands have depression.

Typically the advice is that you can't make an adult seek treatment or look after themselves and that you can't sacrifice yourself or your kid happiness in the hopes they will get better. Most people support divorce in this situation. I will link some of the other threads for you

So much for “for better, for worse...in sickness and in health”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been a few threads recently posted by women whose husbands have depression.

Typically the advice is that you can't make an adult seek treatment or look after themselves and that you can't sacrifice yourself or your kid happiness in the hopes they will get better. Most people support divorce in this situation. I will link some of the other threads for you

So much for “for better, for worse...in sickness and in health”

DP. You always post this, even in situations where the spouse's depression is causing abusive behavior or destroying the health of the other spouse. I am beginning to wonder if you are an abusive spouse yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been a few threads recently posted by women whose husbands have depression.

Typically the advice is that you can't make an adult seek treatment or look after themselves and that you can't sacrifice yourself or your kid happiness in the hopes they will get better. Most people support divorce in this situation. I will link some of the other threads for you

So much for “for better, for worse...in sickness and in health”

Taking a vow for yourself is not the same as promising to drag two kids in formative stages through the unmitigated hell that is having a parent with un- or undertreated mental illness. Take a seat, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been a few threads recently posted by women whose husbands have depression.

Typically the advice is that you can't make an adult seek treatment or look after themselves and that you can't sacrifice yourself or your kid happiness in the hopes they will get better. Most people support divorce in this situation. I will link some of the other threads for you

So much for “for better, for worse...in sickness and in health”

Taking a vow for yourself is not the same as promising to drag two kids in formative stages through the unmitigated hell that is having a parent with un- or undertreated mental illness. Take a seat, troll.

+1 At this point OP and the children need to come first. OP needs to involve his MIL and hopefully she can help with his wife’s care management.

[Anonymous]

I felt like I was drowning too as a SAHM. Are you sure she is doing as little as you say? It can look like nothing was done because everything gets undone. If both kids are potty trained, it should start getting easier.

[Anonymous]

You're a good spouse. When I suffered from depression after the birth of my son my spouse told me to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been a few threads recently posted by women whose husbands have depression.

Typically the advice is that you can't make an adult seek treatment or look after themselves and that you can't sacrifice yourself or your kid happiness in the hopes they will get better. Most people support divorce in this situation. I will link some of the other threads for you

So much for “for better, for worse...in sickness and in health”

Taking a vow for yourself is not the same as promising to drag two kids in formative stages through the unmitigated hell that is having a parent with un- or undertreated mental illness. Take a seat, troll.

Pretty sure the PP who always posts that is an abuser who uses mental illness to justify the abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt like I was drowning too as a SAHM. Are you sure she is doing as little as you say? It can look like nothing was done because everything gets undone. If both kids are potty trained, it should start getting easier.

His OP says the kids are 6 and 3 and they are in daycare because the wife cannot handle their care.

[Anonymous]

OP, I completely commend you for wanting to get help for your wife, who is very sick. I’m so sorry you’re having to face all of this. Life is not fair, but you are doing so well to want to fix this situation for your kids, you, and your wife.

First, I would definitely involve her mother and doctors. She likely needs to spend awhile at an in-patient treatment facility with psychiatrists who can help her. Make sure they understand the severity of the situation. Being in bed 80% of the day and not being able to take care of the kids or hold down a job is not living. She needs help now. Also, please make time for yourself to see a therapist. Think of it like if you had to have emergency, life-saving surgery—you’d find time and money to make that happen, right? You need to do the same with YOUR mental health. Your kids need at least one of their parents in good shape. Also, maybe talk to your employer about more flexibility while you’re dealing with your wife’s health crisis. They don’t need to know what her health problem is, just that it is an emergency. Many employers will be very helpful and understanding.

I really feel for you and your whole family, OP. You all are going to be ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt like I was drowning too as a SAHM. Are you sure she is doing as little as you say? It can look like nothing was done because everything gets undone. If both kids are potty trained, it should start getting easier.

His OP says the kids are 6 and 3 and they are in daycare because the wife cannot handle their care.

Whose idea was it to put the younger one in daycare? I think I'd be depressed if my spouse decided I wasn't functioning well enough to take care of my own children. What does she do in bed all day? Is she sleeping at least or reading? Can she do anything productive like take a shower or fix herself lunch or do laundry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt like I was drowning too as a SAHM. Are you sure she is doing as little as you say? It can look like nothing was done because everything gets undone. If both kids are potty trained, it should start getting easier.

His OP says the kids are 6 and 3 and they are in daycare because the wife cannot handle their care.

Whose idea was it to put the younger one in daycare? I think I'd be depressed if my spouse decided I wasn't functioning well enough to take care of my own children. What does she do in bed all day? Is she sleeping at least or reading? Can she do anything productive like take a shower or fix herself lunch or do laundry?

Thank God the kids are in daycare. I don’t think this poster knows what true clinical depression is about. OP you must feel like you are drowning too. Call your wife’s doctor/parents for help. Enlist your friends, you need support to help you as welll. Your local CSB May alps be of help. Inova has a walk in mental health service in Merrifield as well. GL!