Does the nice guy/gal really finish last?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to meet a self-described "nice guy" who was actually nice. I don't actually think "chicks dig assholes" but I think a lot of women, when faced with a pool of unpleasant personalities, figure they may as well pick the hottest one since none of them are going to treat her well.

Genuine, kind, thoughtful people do very well. But, there are few of these.

This is not at all true in real life.

[Anonymous]

I don't think so. It's a bit like the hare and the tortoise. Sure plenty of assholes (hares) finish first but over time nice guys (tortoises) seem to rise to the top. Trump is a hare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to meet a self-described "nice guy" who was actually nice. I don't actually think "chicks dig assholes" but I think a lot of women, when faced with a pool of unpleasant personalities, figure they may as well pick the hottest one since none of them are going to treat her well.

Genuine, kind, thoughtful people do very well. But, there are few of these.

This is not at all true in real life.

+1.

[Anonymous]

As a guy, I prefer the nice girl because I'm pretty easy going myself. Unfortunately, I've been told repeatedly over the years that I'm too nice, so I have to be an asshole strategically in order to keep that from being an issue. I've yet to keep a nice girl by being a nice guy. They seem to get bored.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes “too nice” means “a total pushover with no preferences/personality of his/her own.” Someone who knows what they like, is enthusiastic about it, has opinions, is more interesting/exciting than someone who just goes along with everything and never seems to have anything they want to do. You can have interests/values/hobbies/desires and still be nice and respectful to other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a guy, I prefer the nice girl because I'm pretty easy going myself. Unfortunately, I've been told repeatedly over the years that I'm too nice, so I have to be an asshole strategically in order to keep that from being an issue. I've yet to keep a nice girl by being a nice guy. They seem to get bored.

Uh, I don’t think you are correctly assessing who is a nice girl.
All the guys I knew who complained that girls didn’t like nice guys were, in fact, not very nice. They were usually whiny, entitled guys with self esteem problems. I know a lot of genuinely nice guys who are all happily married to really great people. And a couple nice guys who got taken in by not very nice (but pretty!) women who ended up not so happy.
Nice people generally appreciate other nice people. Or maybe kind is a better word than nice. Nice is sometimes just a surface thing—kindness runs deep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy, I prefer the nice girl because I'm pretty easy going myself. Unfortunately, I've been told repeatedly over the years that I'm too nice, so I have to be an asshole strategically in order to keep that from being an issue. I've yet to keep a nice girl by being a nice guy. They seem to get bored.

Uh, I don’t think you are correctly assessing who is a nice girl.
All the guys I knew who complained that girls didn’t like nice guys were, in fact, not very nice. They were usually whiny, entitled guys with self esteem problems. I know a lot of genuinely nice guys who are all happily married to really great people. And a couple nice guys who got taken in by not very nice (but pretty!) women who ended up not so happy.
Nice people generally appreciate other nice people. Or maybe kind is a better word than nice. Nice is sometimes just a surface thing—kindness runs deep.

This reads to me a little like when people say that rich people get rich by being hardworking, clever, and diligent while poor people are poor because they are lazy and stupid -- none of the poor people I met were *really* very diligent. They're "just so" stories where people always get what they deserve. Life doesn't work that way, and I think there are structural problems that make actually nice guys less interesting, just like there are structural issues that keep actually hard working people poor. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people, not just through random chance, but because bad acts get rewarded. Cheaters sometimes prosper.

[Anonymous]

“Too nice” or passive isn’t attractive, but as PP said - if you are kind and you have a backbone and are secure in yourself then there is no disadvantage.

[Anonymous]

I think genuinely kind people are generally happier than unkind people.

[Anonymous]

The DC area is s proof that generally unattractive nice-ish guys can end up with average looking women.

[Anonymous]

Not that this has been particularly obscure, but I think we need to be forthright with guys that being nice (like actually nice, not just "nice") is useful for keeping the girl but not be that helpful in getting the girl. Similarly, being not-nice might hurt a guy's ability to keep a girl but those aggressive qualities might actually help him get the girl in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Most of time, self-proclaimed "nice" people aren't actually nice. They're just passive people with other issues (passive-aggressive, entitled, whiny, poor boundaries, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of time, self-proclaimed "nice" people aren't actually nice. They're just passive people with other issues (passive-aggressive, entitled, whiny, poor boundaries, etc).

Sometimes that's obviously true, but not always. And, I think there is a correlation between people being genuinely nice and being overlooked by members of the opposite sex as a desirable sexual partner. It's a mistake to dismiss that correlation (if I'm correct that there is one) as simply them being "not actually nice." It's like a No True Scotsman fallacy at work.

[Anonymous]

My DH is a nice guy and he has been very successful as CEO of two large, well known companies. What really helps is that he is exceptionally smart and a great leader - someone whom people really want to work for. I know he can be tough when he needs to be but being nice is just part of his MO. When he meets people socially and they later find our what he does they are always surprised at how nice he is. So maybe he is an exception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a nice guy and he has been very successful as CEO of two large, well known companies. What really helps is that he is exceptionally smart and a great leader - someone whom people really want to work for. I know he can be tough when he needs to be but being nice is just part of his MO. When he meets people socially and they later find our what he does they are always surprised at how nice he is. So maybe he is an exception.

My sibling is the same. Until retirement, he was a CEO who was quiet, kind, and respected.