Activity strategy

[Anonymous]

"What makes you so certain that the important life lesson is "powering through"? Why not "utilizing your resources appropriately to optimize the outcome"? Just curious. OP."

Because your DD loves the activity. Do you actually love any activity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What makes you so certain that the important life lesson is "powering through"? Why not "utilizing your resources appropriately to optimize the outcome"? Just curious. OP."

Because your DD loves the activity. Do you actually love any activity?

Both my husband and I love our jobs. If we did not, we could be a donut family, as opposed to a donut hole. I dunno, maybe it's generational?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What makes you so certain that the important life lesson is "powering through"? Why not "utilizing your resources appropriately to optimize the outcome"? Just curious. OP."

Because your DD loves the activity. Do you actually love any activity?

Both my husband and I love our jobs. If we did not, we could be a donut family, as opposed to a donut hole. I dunno, maybe it's generational?

(sorry, that was not clear - both my husband and I chose lower-paying jobs because we love what we do. We both had opportunities to switch to somewhat higher paying and less rewarding jobs, probably the difference between middle class and upper middle class, but we are not willing to make that change)

[Anonymous]

"(sorry, that was not clear - both my husband and I chose lower-paying jobs because we love what we do. We both had opportunities to switch to somewhat higher paying and less rewarding jobs, probably the difference between middle class and upper middle class, but we are not willing to make that change)"

So neither of you "optimize your outcomes" but you think your DC should try it some other way. Why?

Or do you and DH just think you love your jobs or just prefer not to deal with change?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"(sorry, that was not clear - both my husband and I chose lower-paying jobs because we love what we do. We both had opportunities to switch to somewhat higher paying and less rewarding jobs, probably the difference between middle class and upper middle class, but we are not willing to make that change)"

So neither of you "optimize your outcomes" but you think your DC should try it some other way. Why?

Or do you and DH just think you love your jobs or just prefer not to deal with change?

No, we honestly love our jobs. He is a tenured researcher, and I work in a low-income clinic as a nurse practitioner. In order to communicate with my patients, I learned two languages over the last 10 years. So yea, 5K per year is a big deal to us; these are not UMC occupations in the greater DMV.

I guess I look at our own choices as a little bit stupid, like an illness or an affliction. We love it, but the opportunity cost is not negligible. Our daughter is actually proud of our jobs. She wants to follow her dad's footsteps and become a researcher.

I want to make sure that we do all we can to launch her into a successful path in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. If she wants to continue because she likes it, and you can afford the 5K to keep playing, let her play. This attitude toward doing everything as it relates to college admissions is kind of silly and overblown. Yes, it is super hard to get into college - if she the academics to Ivy League, it won't matter if she does sport, theater, academic team or whatever as long as she does something - which seems like she wants to do that!

+1
Because of injuries, before junior year of HS our DD had to quit club soccer after playing it since 3rd grade. She sunk into a deep depression, when coupled with the difficulty of HS junior year, made for a few rough months. She was literally in mourning - couldn't even watch soccer games on TV because it made her too upset.

Please don't discount how much playing makes her happy. Maybe SHE will decide to quit one day, but it should be her decision, and not based on some amorphous idea of what you think colleges are looking for.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you see her value as a person as being what she can achieve or what college she can get into. That is a shame.

Why not just let her be a human and engage in activities she enjoys. Life really is about more than success and outcomes and achievement. Let life take her where it will.

[Anonymous]

Leaving a sport her junior year should be her decision. This is her core friend group. If you can swing the $$, don't make her lose her rudder.

High school teachers write recommendations for college admission.

Colleges want to know what a student does in their spare time. If she is dropping her sport, does she have something else that she wants to do?

What high school varsity sport costs 5K?

[Anonymous]

The lesson is: there is no crystal ball. Will stopping the sport matter to a future college admission? Mom doesn't know and isn't going to know from reading the posts on this thread. Daughter wants to keep playing, we are led to believe. Mom, I actually don't think there is anything for you to decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless your child is a recruited athlete at the college she wants to attend then participation in a sport carries the same weight in college admissions as any other EC of equivalent commitment. A letter from a HS or club coach is irrelevant in college admissions and in college recruiting for sports.

This. So if she is not going to achieve playing in college, have her choose another extracurricular she loves. It wont matter. (unless she WANTS to continue playing, and you say she loves it, so if she still loves it even though she does not play-so be it!)

extracurriculars are just that. And it does not matter if its the same one or different ones or whatever. they dont mean a ton anyway.

sports recruiting is a whole separate thing.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you talking about ballet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quitting or continuing a sport isn't going to be the difference maker for college admissions. Kids change as do interests but that doesn't sound like the situation here.

If the family can no longer afford for her to participate in the sport, then tell her that, and deal with the disappointment and fallout (and maybe sock that $4K in a 529 for her).

But advising or requiring your daughter to quit something she loves (that you can still, probably afford) because she isn't doing as well relative to other competitors sounds awful OP. The whole notion of strategizing or optimizing is really off-putting OP. You compete in sports to be healthy, to make friends and to improve, not just win.

Also - FWIW donut hole families are far more likely to get financial aid and scholarship money at the next level down of colleges, not Ivy-grade ones. Broaden your thinking.

Yes, it's awful, but you and I both know that if she put that 15-20 hours per week onto some academic team, she'll probably win something, which WILL count towards admission, and is basically free of cost to the family. As is, she is wasting her time and our money. I don't think I should say it to her like that, though. Kids are fragile, and studios do all they can to hold on to all of them for $$$, so they tell kids their potential unrealistically.

Hopefully she'll just see it for herself by spring.

What makes you think that? She’s competing with a ton of other kids for those state and national level awards. Many of those kids have been putting the same hours into that activity for years.

If she quits, the most likely result of that she goes into application season with no substantial extracurriculars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you talking about ballet?

I think it's gymnastics. Are there other sports where a growth spurt would be a problem? OP most gymnasts, and kids for that matter, go through a growth spurt and they figure it out pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

You're an annoying and overbearing helicopter parent. Poor kid. I wish her the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you talking about ballet?

I think it's gymnastics. Are there other sports where a growth spurt would be a problem? OP most gymnasts, and kids for that matter, go through a growth spurt and they figure it out pretty quickly.

We've paid through the end of the year either way. I am trying to look ahead.

She'll get some feedback from coaches first, and then consider options.