Husband doesn’t spend any time with me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll ignore how you might have gotten into this situation. I suggest couples therapy to get your expectations in sync. As a guy I expect this might be ignorance on his part and that he can be much more flexible with his time.

Listen to this, OP. Do this. You will have to stop moping, though, and get assertive about telling him what you need and want, and telling him that therapy is non-negotiable.

Meanwhile: Do not get pregnant.

Sounds like he is still living as if he were single. And as if you are not speaking up, or at least not speaking up on a way that gets his attention that there's a serious problem. Of course you shouldn't HAVE to hit your husband over the head with "I never see you!" since ideally he would care enough to notice. But he's still out with his bros. Get therapy so he can hear from a third party that this is not acting married or attentive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well he sounds like a bro. Sadly you married him. Were you all about the wedding and it would work itself out? Did you live together before marriage? You tell him how you feel. If he does not respect you than divorce. Live and learn. A one off wedding in the grand scheme of things is NOT the end of the world. PS DO NOT GET PREGNANT. Good luck.

Yep. And btw, if he's spending that much time gone, he's likely having an affair and hiding behind bro time to cover it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well he sounds like a bro. Sadly you married him. Were you all about the wedding and it would work itself out? Did you live together before marriage? You tell him how you feel. If he does not respect you than divorce. Live and learn. A one off wedding in the grand scheme of things is NOT the end of the world. PS DO NOT GET PREGNANT. Good luck.

Yep. And btw, if he's spending that much time gone, he's likely having an affair and hiding behind bro time to cover it up.

Nope. He’s definitely not.

[Anonymous]

Schedule time in advance with him. For example, get tickets to a play or sporting event on Friday, but book them in advance so he can't back out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well he sounds like a bro. Sadly you married him. Were you all about the wedding and it would work itself out? Did you live together before marriage? You tell him how you feel. If he does not respect you than divorce. Live and learn. A one off wedding in the grand scheme of things is NOT the end of the world. PS DO NOT GET PREGNANT. Good luck.

Yep. And btw, if he's spending that much time gone, he's likely having an affair and hiding behind bro time to cover it up.

Nope. He’s definitely not.

Really? That's all you reply to?

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP? How is he? Why did your get married? This is not a normal dynamic. I would never put up with it. Before kids we would usually go out together and maybe once a month we would go out alone with our friends. Now withkids, we don’t go out much and alone with friends maybe 4-5 times a year. DH travels a lot for work (1 week a month more or less) and I take the kids for a about a month to visit my parents in the summer. Except for those occasions, we are always together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yep. And btw, if he's spending that much time gone, he's likely having an affair and hiding behind bro time to cover it up.

Nope. He’s definitely not.

How could you possibly be that sure? Does he have problems getting it up or something?

[Anonymous]

He’s probably wondering if this was a mistake. It happens. You guys need to talk and decide if it’s a go. But please don’t get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. I'm guessing OP did not live with him before they got married. Same here. We had the same issue when we got married and moved in together. I just lived my usual pre-marriage life and it took me a while to adjust and realize it's a new stage in my life and things will be different. That's why I suggest OP just schedule things to force DW to be with her initially. Then he'll get used to it. Having guy friends who are also married helps -- they'll have a similar situation and it's relatable.

Not excusing his behavior -- just explaining it's not some sinister thing. A lot of guys are pretty bad on figuring stuff like this out unless explicitly told.

[Anonymous]

OP: have the convo with him. See how he takes it. You both sound young and inexperienced. Keep the communication open, and inns will eventually get better. I wouldn't do therapy yet. He just needs to ditch his bros.

[Anonymous]

Honest question here and this comes from a guy. Was he excited to get married in the first place or was it simply one of those things he figured he had to do because it was expected or you’d breakup with him? Unless he was excited at the prospect of getting married he only married because he felt he had to. If he’s not head over heels in to you then call it quits before it’s to late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I'm guessing OP did not live with him before they got married. Same here. We had the same issue when we got married and moved in together. I just lived my usual pre-marriage life and it took me a while to adjust and realize it's a new stage in my life and things will be different. That's why I suggest OP just schedule things to force DW to be with her initially. Then he'll get used to it. Having guy friends who are also married helps -- they'll have a similar situation and it's relatable.

Not excusing his behavior -- just explaining it's not some sinister thing. A lot of guys are pretty bad on figuring stuff like this out unless explicitly told.

This is BS. Don't hide behind testosterone. Gosh darn, I'm just a guy that can't figure things out. Boys will be boys. I didn't know spouses are supposed to spend more than an hour together at the grocery store every week. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

I would be very hurt as well OP.

It doesn’t make any sense.
Especially in the Newlywed phase....

Thank goodness you have no children together now.
Huge plus factor.
And do not have any w/this person.

I honestly do not understand why he bothered getting married.
He still wants to lead a bachelor-style existence.

He doesn’t want to change his ways....
Not even for you sadly.

Either he prioritizes his marriage to you or he can have his bachelorhood right back.

Because why should you be alone + feeling lonely while he continues his former ways??

[Anonymous]

Are you the poster who hated their wedding day?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it’s fair to ask if you were completely unaware of his work schedule and social priorities before you got married. My guess is he hasn’t changed but you convinced yourself he would after you got married. No bueno.