Books for children of Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Previous posters who felt “robbed of their ideal family”, what would have helped you? What do you wish your parents had done to help you?
I am a divorced mom of 3 and I identify very much with that feeling. I never expected divorce (or more specifically I never expected my ex to cheat and leave his family) and for the longest time I have felt I was robbed of the family I worked so hard to create. Therapy has been very helpful and I have moved on, but reading this thread brought tears to my eyes.
My children seem to be doing fine. My ex has always travel a lot for work, so they were already used to not seeing him around every day. Our relatioship is cordial.
I fear the long lasting effects of divorce on my kids.
What are your recommendations?

Allow them to express negative opinions about your ex, your divorce, and divorce generally. Our society tends to stifle that in an attempt to spare the feelings of divorced people, and I think it is unhealthy.

Save copiously, because being a child of divorce is expensive. Be aware that caring for both of you separately will make their "sandwich years" much more complicated and difficult. Live close to the children and/or your ex if possible.

Understand that they will be splitting holidays and significant life events until one of their parents is dead. Understand that this may sadden them in ways they cannot yet understand. Children and teenagers cannot truly grasp the lifelong experience that divorce creates for them.

Understand that being an adult child of divorce is difficult regardless.of whose fault the divorce is and how amicable the parents are. The loss of the family is still a real loss, and the financial and logistical struggles are hard regardless.