How do you “feather your nest” in preparation for a divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

College funds, including 529 funds, are easily, and often, expropriated by the parent who remains their owner after the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Judges love wives who file for divorce and clean out the accounts while the husband is deployed.

"He doesn't take care of the kids!" Well no kidding, he's in the military defending America. I bet if he came back KIA the OP would have no problem playing the grieving military widow and signing herself and the kids up for every benefit they can get for the next 50 years.

[Anonymous]

People who post here that the parties will automatically get 50/50 by a Judge unless they are a drug dealer or have substance abuse issues are just flat out wrong. At least in Virginia. In fact, in Virginia there is proposed legislation every year that establishes a presumption of 50/50 and every year it fails to pass. There is no automatic guarantee of anything.. Virginia is a best interest state with no presumption of anything. This type of in incorrect internet opinions is exactly the reason why you need to go see an actual lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

She can want what she wants, but that ain’t how it works skippy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce lawyers are useless unless you plan to litigate. Even then they can be useless. I know folks who have spent hundreds of thousands and ended up w crap.

So true. Their bread and butter are women anxious of giving too much custody time and angry men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

Half that money is legally his. If he wants to spend it on kids college, great, but if he wants to spend it on hookers, that's his call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can put joint savings in a 529 anytime. You could also buy a convertible with joint savings, or give it to a friend. If it’s something like 100k in savings I would split it in a 529 for both kids. Better than paying him half.

A 529 is a marital asset, part of the marital estate. It will be divided equally, and each parent will control half of it. If the ex-DH wants to pay the penalty, withdraw the money, and spend it on himself, there's nothing you can do. It does happen.

Buy a convertible, it goes into the marital estate, and he owns half of it. If she wants to keep the convertible, she pays him half its value.

If you give it to a friend, then when the judge finds out about it (and he will), then he will make you pay half that amount to your ex-DH.

Face the facts - you are going to pay him half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who post here that the parties will automatically get 50/50 by a Judge unless they are a drug dealer or have substance abuse issues are just flat out wrong. At least in Virginia. In fact, in Virginia there is proposed legislation every year that establishes a presumption of 50/50 and every year it fails to pass. There is no automatic guarantee of anything.. Virginia is a best interest state with no presumption of anything. This type of in incorrect internet opinions is exactly the reason why you need to go see an actual lawyer.

Every actual lawyer I consulted - I am a man - told me that I would get 50/50 if I wanted it. Those who don't get it mainly didn't want it, plus a much smaller number who are abusive or otherwise unworthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

You can put joint savings in a 529 anytime. You could also buy a convertible with joint savings, or give it to a friend. If it’s something like 100k in savings I would split it in a 529 for both kids. Better than paying him half.

+1. Do it before you divorce him. If he has any decency, he won’t try to take money away from his kis’ College fund.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

You can put joint savings in a 529 anytime. You could also buy a convertible with joint savings, or give it to a friend. If it’s something like 100k in savings I would split it in a 529 for both kids. Better than paying him half.

+1. Do it before you divorce him. If he has any decency, he won’t try to take money away from his kis’ College fund.

Anything earned in marriage should be split 50/50 so her taking it and controlling it may work. Plus, it makes no sense given they will both need separate residences and attorney fees. She may have to pay him child support when he has the kids if she earns more and insurance if she's already providing it.

Some of her comments don't make sense. If he's a reservist, he may have gotten educational benefits through that. Being deployed is not being an uninvolved parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

You can put joint savings in a 529 anytime. You could also buy a convertible with joint savings, or give it to a friend. If it’s something like 100k in savings I would split it in a 529 for both kids. Better than paying him half.

+1. Do it before you divorce him. If he has any decency, he won’t try to take money away from his kis’ College fund.

You can also stipulate in your divorce settlement that neither parent can withdraw the college fund and are required to add a certain amount of money periodically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

You can put joint savings in a 529 anytime. You could also buy a convertible with joint savings, or give it to a friend. If it’s something like 100k in savings I would split it in a 529 for both kids. Better than paying him half.

+1. Do it before you divorce him. If he has any decency, he won’t try to take money away from his kis’ College fund.

You can also stipulate in your divorce settlement that neither parent can withdraw the college fund and are required to add a certain amount of money periodically.

Lolzies. Try actually enforcing that.

[Anonymous]

You'll need to downsize so sell stuff (nothing he would miss) on eBay. Since you're doing the work involved you could argue the proceeds go to you, but in any case it's work that needs to be done before you split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'll need to downsize so sell stuff (nothing he would miss) on eBay. Since you're doing the work involved you could argue the proceeds go to you, but in any case it's work that needs to be done before you split.

Uh, no. You can’t sell someone else’s stuff and declare the profit yours simply because you went to the trouble of selling it.

Keep the suggestions coming, oh wise legal minds of DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a much more explicit image of "feathering the nest".

Ha! Me too. All this divorce logistics boring. In sum, you lose money, seeing your kids. You’d be insane to leave with kids impacted absent something abusive before they launch. You made your bed...