Do you have a bossy older sibling?

[Anonymous]

Bad news here - my sister is 63 and is still bossing those she can, and those she can't she is not speaking to.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Both of my older siblings are bossy. They mean well but it was very hard for them to view me as an adult until I was well into my 30s and our relationships suffered as a result. I managed it by drastically reducing the amount I communicated with them. The less they knew about my life, the less they could "advise" on.

When I got married, something seemed to click into place for them and they finally backed off a bit with the bossiness. Now we can actually talk about our lives without it devolving into "you need to do this, you need to do that" discussions.

Your siblings grew up! Sometimes, that never happens, sadly.

No - her siblings were prejudiced against single people and once she or was married deemed her worth communicating to as an equal.

I am the single youngest in my family and my family values me so little it is ridiculous. It is absurd how much better I get treated when I am in a relationship.

First PP here and I agree with this assessment. Both of my siblings (sisters, FWIW) got married before 25 so they couldn't relate to me still being single at 30. For them, getting married was when they felt like they entered adulthood and they couldn't or wouldn't comprehend that I could both have my act together as a "real" adult AND be single. When I finally met DH and got married, I guess I finally checked that last box on the "Are you ready to enter adulthood?" checklist they had so they let me into their club.

But wait! Did you have kids yet? Because some people think you're just playing house and aren't a family until there are 3+ of you.

Yep and there was yet another big jump in respect / "you're one of us now" behavior after we had a kid.

This was the case with my sister too. She’s only 3 years older than me but married at 24 and had a kid soon after, while I married after 30 and didn’t have my first kid until 35. She’s better now but still bossy though - she now keeps questioning my parenting/ lifestyle choices though. My way of dealing with it is to share very little of the details of my life.