People who disguise their meanness as "honesty"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the truth hurts but it is still okay to speak the truth.

Sometimes people are too sensitive and need to be able to handle the truth

Sometimes people say mean spirited things that don't need to be said, truth or not.

Yup. I’m not a fan of trying to buffer everything as to make sure no one ever gets their feelings hurt. Sometimes you gotta let it fly. If it is the truth, no need to dance around it.

That being said, stating the truth is one thing. Adding in personal commentary is what usually makes the teller look like an a$$hole.

Those advocating for the truth often confuse the truth with their own opinion.

For certain situations that is totally true.

So what about this scenario:
I ask my husband if my dress makes me look fat. He thinks it does. If he thinks so, he should say yes. Does this make him an asshole? Personally, I think no. What would make him an asshole is if he said “damn straight! You look like that guy who was so big he had to be buried in a piano!!”

It’s a trap! Guys, never say yes to that question.

[Anonymous]

Don't ask. Don't tell.

[Anonymous]

I once knew so many bros like this. I cut them out of my life starting in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the truth hurts but it is still okay to speak the truth.

Sometimes people are too sensitive and need to be able to handle the truth

Sometimes people say mean spirited things that don't need to be said, truth or not.

Yup. I’m not a fan of trying to buffer everything as to make sure no one ever gets their feelings hurt. Sometimes you gotta let it fly. If it is the truth, no need to dance around it.

That being said, stating the truth is one thing. Adding in personal commentary is what usually makes the teller look like an a$$hole.

Those advocating for the truth often confuse the truth with their own opinion.

For certain situations that is totally true.

So what about this scenario:
I ask my husband if my dress makes me look fat. He thinks it does. If he thinks so, he should say yes. Does this make him an asshole? Personally, I think no. What would make him an asshole is if he said “damn straight! You look like that guy who was so big he had to be buried in a piano!!”

He should say "I don't this it's as flattering as [other dress]." But really, if he loves you, he should like you no matter what you wear as long as it isn't grossly inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Examples?

"That dress doesn't flatter your figure as well as some other dresses I've seen you in"
"That dress is ugly AF and makes you look so fat"


"Just being honest, but what the he'll did you do to your hair? It looks so bad on you"
"Did you cut your hair? I've never been too find of very short hair, but I bet when it grows out to your chin, it'll frame your face nicely. "

eh, you are talking about outright rudeness vs tactful criticism.

Unless the person is looking for honest criticism you should probably keep your mouth shut. Not every opinion you have needs to be voiced. And not every opinion you have is even accurate. It is JUST your opinion - remember that.

[Anonymous]

Our president does this. He has the reputation for “telling it like it is” but it’s really that he enjoys insulting people.

I know people like this, pride themselves on being straightforward and honest but are really just mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the truth hurts but it is still okay to speak the truth.

Sometimes people are too sensitive and need to be able to handle the truth

Sometimes people say mean spirited things that don't need to be said, truth or not.

Yup. I’m not a fan of trying to buffer everything as to make sure no one ever gets their feelings hurt. Sometimes you gotta let it fly. If it is the truth, no need to dance around it.

That being said, stating the truth is one thing. Adding in personal commentary is what usually makes the teller look like an a$$hole.

Those advocating for the truth often confuse the truth with their own opinion.

For certain situations that is totally true.

So what about this scenario:
I ask my husband if my dress makes me look fat. He thinks it does. If he thinks so, he should say yes. Does this make him an asshole? Personally, I think no. What would make him an asshole is if he said “damn straight! You look like that guy who was so big he had to be buried in a piano!!”

He should say "I don't this it's as flattering as [other dress]." But really, if he loves you, he should like you no matter what you wear as long as it isn't grossly inappropriate.

eh, it's your husband. If your husband put on pants that fit him terribly and looked horrible on him would you say "Dear, I don't think those pants are as flattering on you as some of your other pants"

You would likely say "Yikes. Those pants don't look right on you at all!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our president does this. He has the reputation for “telling it like it is” but it’s really that he enjoys insulting people.

I know people like this, pride themselves on being straightforward and honest but are really just mean.

They are better than manipulating meddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the truth hurts but it is still okay to speak the truth.

Sometimes people are too sensitive and need to be able to handle the truth

Sometimes people say mean spirited things that don't need to be said, truth or not.

Yup. I’m not a fan of trying to buffer everything as to make sure no one ever gets their feelings hurt. Sometimes you gotta let it fly. If it is the truth, no need to dance around it.

That being said, stating the truth is one thing. Adding in personal commentary is what usually makes the teller look like an a$$hole.

Those advocating for the truth often confuse the truth with their own opinion.

For certain situations that is totally true.

So what about this scenario:
I ask my husband if my dress makes me look fat. He thinks it does. If he thinks so, he should say yes. Does this make him an asshole? Personally, I think no. What would make him an asshole is if he said “damn straight! You look like that guy who was so big he had to be buried in a piano!!”

It is a trap You don't need to ask the question, you know the answer, so the piano line should be coming from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A husband - or wife - laying out all the extramarital affairs in gory detail to the spouse in the name of honesty is not being honest. That's being mean.

Um, what?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the truth hurts but it is still okay to speak the truth.

Sometimes people are too sensitive and need to be able to handle the truth

Sometimes people say mean spirited things that don't need to be said, truth or not.

May I complete your post? Sometimes people know they have been catched in the wrong, and they have no other way than playing victims when you are respectfully honest to them.

[Anonymous]

I've been known to be brutally honest. The key reason I prefer to be that way is because I value being clear over being misunderstood.

I hate people who pussyfoot around where I have to guess what the hell they mean. I am direct and I like directness in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been known to be brutally honest. The key reason I prefer to be that way is because I value being clear over being misunderstood.

I hate people who pussyfoot around where I have to guess what the hell they mean. I am direct and I like directness in return.

Do you keep certain opinions to yourself or do you feel the urge the speak "honestly".
Do you say "I hate oysters, I absolutely hate oysters, they disgusting" or "thank you, no".

[Anonymous]

If you can't take it, then don't ask for opinions. Sounds like an anonymous internet forum might not be the place for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can't take it, then don't ask for opinions. Sounds like an anonymous internet forum might not be the place for you.

I am pretty sure this conversation is about how to have a conversation in a society. It’s not about speaking the truth anonymously on an internet forum, which everyone expects.

Robert Sapolsky wrote that it is possible to advocate for science — and be kind. Likewise, it is possible to speak the truth — and be kind. It just takes a little more thought and effort. Unfortunately, not everyone is advanced enough to pull it off