Would you tell your good friend their child is not invited to a birthday party?

[Anonymous]

If you feel you need to soften the blow, why not do something else like invite their family over for cake on the actual birthday or at another time? We often do the same with another family where the parents are good friends and their 2 kids play beautifully with our 2 kids, but the kids are all in different grades so don’t necessarily have friends in common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, would it kill you to just keep on inviting this kid? I don't think so. It would be kind and generous.

But OP's kid isn't having a traditional party this year. He just wants an outing with his BEST friends.

it's not a bad lesson for him to learn to be loyal and generous to old friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, would it kill you to just keep on inviting this kid? I don't think so. It would be kind and generous.

This is OP, and I've continued to invite over the years because it's kind, and hey, why not, right? What's one more kid at laser tag or the bowling alley or whatever. But this time, this child would not fit into our vehicle. She could drive her own child, there and back, but would he feel awkward about being the only one in a different car? My kid will want to ride with the best friends he invited. Also, it's such a small group and they are in the same school and play the same sport together and that's a lot of their conversation. Kids are not that great at being inclusive in their conversation, so I'd worry that this kid will feel like a third wheel and not know what the others are talking/laughing about. This time, it doesn't seem like it would be kind and generous to invite him.

Thanks for the responses; I will mention it. Hopefully it's not a big deal to her.

NP here, I agree completely with the bolded and agree you should definitely give her a heads up.

[Anonymous]

I have always had a "family" dinner separate from the "friend" party. This way we can have our family friends over and our son can have a small party with his classmates he sees everyday. Your friends son is not friends with the other kids at your sons party, but an extra get together is a good reason to celebrate and meet up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, would it kill you to just keep on inviting this kid? I don't think so. It would be kind and generous.

But OP's kid isn't having a traditional party this year. He just wants an outing with his BEST friends.

it's not a bad lesson for him to learn to be loyal and generous to old friends.

It's ONE day a year. This is his mother's friend's child. At some point, you stop inviting those kids to the party.

[Anonymous]

I told my close friend that I was too overwhelmed to have a large party for my DD, and told her to just pick her three closest friends for a sleepover. She picked all girls, which excluded my friend's two sons, and then I said that it made me a little sad that as she's growing up, she's choosing her own friends.

My friend was not upset.

[Anonymous]

Just say “we are doing a tiny school party this year with just his friends from school, but your son is still so important to my billy that we want to have him over for a special sleepover”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, would it kill you to just keep on inviting this kid? I don't think so. It would be kind and generous.

This is OP, and I've continued to invite over the years because it's kind, and hey, why not, right? What's one more kid at laser tag or the bowling alley or whatever. But this time, this child would not fit into our vehicle. She could drive her own child, there and back, but would he feel awkward about being the only one in a different car? My kid will want to ride with the best friends he invited. Also, it's such a small group and they are in the same school and play the same sport together and that's a lot of their conversation. Kids are not that great at being inclusive in their conversation, so I'd worry that this kid will feel like a third wheel and not know what the others are talking/laughing about. This time, it doesn't seem like it would be kind and generous to invite him.

Thanks for the responses; I will mention it. Hopefully it's not a big deal to her.

You are doing a bang up job of teaching your kid empathy, how to be inclusive, and that the world does not revolve around him. Thanks for bringing another one of these into the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, would it kill you to just keep on inviting this kid? I don't think so. It would be kind and generous.

This is OP, and I've continued to invite over the years because it's kind, and hey, why not, right? What's one more kid at laser tag or the bowling alley or whatever. But this time, this child would not fit into our vehicle. She could drive her own child, there and back, but would he feel awkward about being the only one in a different car? My kid will want to ride with the best friends he invited. Also, it's such a small group and they are in the same school and play the same sport together and that's a lot of their conversation. Kids are not that great at being inclusive in their conversation, so I'd worry that this kid will feel like a third wheel and not know what the others are talking/laughing about. This time, it doesn't seem like it would be kind and generous to invite him.

Thanks for the responses; I will mention it. Hopefully it's not a big deal to her.

NP here, I agree completely with the bolded and agree you should definitely give her a heads up.

Ridiculous rationalization. You know the right thing to do, but fortunately you have found a bunch of entitled millennials on DCUM to tell you that teaching your child to be selfish and mean is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, would it kill you to just keep on inviting this kid? I don't think so. It would be kind and generous.

This is OP, and I've continued to invite over the years because it's kind, and hey, why not, right? What's one more kid at laser tag or the bowling alley or whatever. But this time, this child would not fit into our vehicle. She could drive her own child, there and back, but would he feel awkward about being the only one in a different car? My kid will want to ride with the best friends he invited. Also, it's such a small group and they are in the same school and play the same sport together and that's a lot of their conversation. Kids are not that great at being inclusive in their conversation, so I'd worry that this kid will feel like a third wheel and not know what the others are talking/laughing about. This time, it doesn't seem like it would be kind and generous to invite him.

Thanks for the responses; I will mention it. Hopefully it's not a big deal to her.

NP here, I agree completely with the bolded and agree you should definitely give her a heads up.

Ridiculous rationalization. You know the right thing to do, but fortunately you have found a bunch of entitled millennials on DCUM to tell you that teaching your child to be selfish and mean is ok.

Aren't millenials supposed to be snowflakes that think everyone should get participation awards/be included? Be consistent.

The right thing to do is not to force OP's child to invite everyone who might feel excluded. Why not all the other kids he used to invite, too? Maybe they would feel excluded as well. Why is the OP's child not allowed to choose their own friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, would it kill you to just keep on inviting this kid? I don't think so. It would be kind and generous.

This is OP, and I've continued to invite over the years because it's kind, and hey, why not, right? What's one more kid at laser tag or the bowling alley or whatever. But this time, this child would not fit into our vehicle. She could drive her own child, there and back, but would he feel awkward about being the only one in a different car? My kid will want to ride with the best friends he invited. Also, it's such a small group and they are in the same school and play the same sport together and that's a lot of their conversation. Kids are not that great at being inclusive in their conversation, so I'd worry that this kid will feel like a third wheel and not know what the others are talking/laughing about. This time, it doesn't seem like it would be kind and generous to invite him.

Thanks for the responses; I will mention it. Hopefully it's not a big deal to her.

NP here, I agree completely with the bolded and agree you should definitely give her a heads up.

Ridiculous rationalization. You know the right thing to do, but fortunately you have found a bunch of entitled millennials on DCUM to tell you that teaching your child to be selfish and mean is ok.

Ridiculous dramatization. I'm not a millennial but I'm not going to force my kids to invite everyone to a big party if they want a small one.

OP, I would mention it, just because it sounds like it would cause her anguish not to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, would it kill you to just keep on inviting this kid? I don't think so. It would be kind and generous.

This is OP, and I've continued to invite over the years because it's kind, and hey, why not, right? What's one more kid at laser tag or the bowling alley or whatever. But this time, this child would not fit into our vehicle. She could drive her own child, there and back, but would he feel awkward about being the only one in a different car? My kid will want to ride with the best friends he invited. Also, it's such a small group and they are in the same school and play the same sport together and that's a lot of their conversation. Kids are not that great at being inclusive in their conversation, so I'd worry that this kid will feel like a third wheel and not know what the others are talking/laughing about. This time, it doesn't seem like it would be kind and generous to invite him.

Thanks for the responses; I will mention it. Hopefully it's not a big deal to her.

NP here, I agree completely with the bolded and agree you should definitely give her a heads up.

Ridiculous rationalization. You know the right thing to do, but fortunately you have found a bunch of entitled millennials on DCUM to tell you that teaching your child to be selfish and mean is ok.

It's clear you don't do well with people, but it's not because everyone around you is mean and entitled...

[Anonymous]

How old are these kids? And I assume all boys? Both make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Ok, several people have said that they’ve either been in this situation, or were on the receiving end of it, and all said it was fine. The pp who is calling OP entitled and her kid unkind needs to lay off. You’re being overly dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Maybe find other opportunities to encourage friendships between the two boys. I’m assuming you want your child to have a diverse friend group and be able to interact and engage with people with a wide range or personalities, lifestyles and background. Honestly the idea that my child’s close friends were limited to the other guys on his sport team at school would concern me more than anything else. His friend group needs to diversify.