The sexless marriage challenge

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife never really initiates but we still do it a few times a week. I’m going to take on a similar challenge and do something nice for her every day. She seems to value acts of service the most so I’ll figure out what I can do to take something off of her plate daily.

My husband jumps in the bed around 9, when all three kids are asleep. He watches tv. I am up doing hw, laundry, dishes, going over paper work, fixing dinner for the next day, going over children’s hw, then work out and shower. I am in bed at 12/1. He wakes up and wants to have sex. I want to stab him... men do not realize (like another poster said) that we want sex but it’s hard to disconnect from the mental and physical crap we have to do in order to get in the mood.

Don't do it. Why isn't he doing those things too. I do all of that, but i am single. Please tell me what the benefit of having a spouse is, other than financial, if you are doing everything? Is he just a sperm donor? Or is this just women wanting to be marital martyrs?

Seriously, if you are working so had to raise a grown man, why are you married?

[Anonymous]

OP here. This thread could be a useful resource for those taking the challenge when they need ideas for how to get psyched up to initiate or support for getting motivated to focus more on sex in the marriage.
Please post (in a non-explicit manner) suggestions/helpful advice/what worked for you as you go through the challenge.
I have some nighties I haven't worn in a few years, plan to slip one on later today and wear it around under my clothes to see if that helps get me in the mood to initiate tonight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread could be a useful resource for those taking the challenge when they need ideas for how to get psyched up to initiate or support for getting motivated to focus more on sex in the marriage.
Please post (in a non-explicit manner) suggestions/helpful advice/what worked for you as you go through the challenge.
I have some nighties I haven't worn in a few years, plan to slip one on later today and wear it around under my clothes to see if that helps get me in the mood to initiate tonight.

Start thinking about it and anticipating what's going to happen! Let your DH know that you are wearing a sexy nightie and see what he thinks. Imagine his response~

[Anonymous]

Get waxed, buy some hot lingerie, watch some porn, buy some instant bronze body lotion, light some candles (everybody looks gorgeous by candlelight!), hire a sitter for one weeknight each week so you can luxuriate over wine and dinner with DH, start sexting him, buy some new toys online, develop your fantasy file. have fun!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re in a sexless marriage and you’re the one who has lost interest in sex, the challenge is to initiate and have sex with your partner 2x/week for the next 4 weeks. Then report back here on if & how it changes your relationship. Will be trying this with my DH. We have 2 young kids & I am exhausted all the time. We’ve gone from having sex a few times/week to 2-4x/ month.

I wish i had 2-4 times a month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife never really initiates but we still do it a few times a week. I’m going to take on a similar challenge and do something nice for her every day. She seems to value acts of service the most so I’ll figure out what I can do to take something off of her plate daily.

You are awesome!

Some men are bent on refusing to recognize that women stress over child care, house chores, and other responsibilities. When you take something off their plate, it can help them relax.

I do almost all of the housework at this point. My wife just gets more sleep so it has helped her to relax but its done nothing for her libido. Meanwhile in addition to getting no sex I now have to field complaints about the quality of my housework. I can't wait until our HELOC is paid off so I can look elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife never really initiates but we still do it a few times a week. I’m going to take on a similar challenge and do something nice for her every day. She seems to value acts of service the most so I’ll figure out what I can do to take something off of her plate daily.

My husband jumps in the bed around 9, when all three kids are asleep. He watches tv. I am up doing hw, laundry, dishes, going over paper work, fixing dinner for the next day, going over children’s hw, then work out and shower. I am in bed at 12/1. He wakes up and wants to have sex. I want to stab him... men do not realize (like another poster said) that we want sex but it’s hard to disconnect from the mental and physical crap we have to do in order to get in the mood.

But, you do all that stuff at night because YOU WANT TO. You don't have to. I would never stay up until 12/1am EXERCISING, doing homework (are you in school?), dishes, making tomorrow's dinner. Sounds like you're trying to avoid your husband or you're an unhappy overachiever.

[Anonymous]

I did something similar, but went balls to the wall and did it every day for 30 days. DH struggled to keep up. He was shocked, thought ai had gone insane. It was a good jump start

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2-4x a month is not a sexless marriage, wtf?

once a week is normal for married couples

OMG says WHO!? I would be thrilled with a 2-4x a week marriage!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2-4x a month is not a sexless marriage, wtf?

once a week is normal for married couples

OMG says WHO!? I would be thrilled with a 2-4x a week marriage!!!

+1 Sexless = "without sex"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2-4x a month is not a sexless marriage, wtf?

once a week is normal for married couples

OMG says WHO!? I would be thrilled with a 2-4x a week marriage!!!

+1 Sexless = "without sex"

That's too literal to be helpful. "You had sex that one time, so your marriage isn't sexless." I've heard "less than 10x per year" bandied about as a clinical definition of a "sexless" marriage, and that seems fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re in a sexless marriage and you’re the one who has lost interest in sex, the challenge is to initiate and have sex with your partner 2x/week for the next 4 weeks. Then report back here on if & how it changes your relationship. Will be trying this with my DH. We have 2 young kids & I am exhausted all the time. We’ve gone from having sex a few times/week to 2-4x/ month.

I wish i had 2-4 times a month

Or year....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife never really initiates but we still do it a few times a week. I’m going to take on a similar challenge and do something nice for her every day. She seems to value acts of service the most so I’ll figure out what I can do to take something off of her plate daily.

You are awesome!

Some men are bent on refusing to recognize that women stress over child care, house chores, and other responsibilities. When you take something off their plate, it can help them relax.

I do almost all of the housework at this point. My wife just gets more sleep so it has helped her to relax but its done nothing for her libido. Meanwhile in addition to getting no sex I now have to field complaints about the quality of my housework. I can't wait until our HELOC is paid off so I can look elsewhere.

You can look elsewhere tonight. Go on, you have our permission. Just tell her to get all the sleep she needs while you are out with your new lady friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife never really initiates but we still do it a few times a week. I’m going to take on a similar challenge and do something nice for her every day. She seems to value acts of service the most so I’ll figure out what I can do to take something off of her plate daily.

You are awesome!

Some men are bent on refusing to recognize that women stress over child care, house chores, and other responsibilities. When you take something off their plate, it can help them relax.

I do almost all of the housework at this point. My wife just gets more sleep so it has helped her to relax but its done nothing for her libido. Meanwhile in addition to getting no sex I now have to field complaints about the quality of my housework. I can't wait until our HELOC is paid off so I can look elsewhere.

You can look elsewhere tonight. Go on, you have our permission. Just tell her to get all the sleep she needs while you are out with your new lady friend.

You can do it....you can do it all night long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2-4x a month is not a sexless marriage, wtf?

once a week is normal for married couples who can accept that level of frequency

FIFY

that would is not acceptable to me and DW is well aware of this.