Ending friendship with a best friend

[Anonymous]

Since you don't have a kid, you can't really understand her life right now. Give the friendship a break. I wouldn't burn any bridges though. As people age, their needs change. She might not be the best fit for you right now. I bet she would be hurt and shocked if you totally ditch her though, or would she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you don't have a kid, you can't really understand her life right now. Give the friendship a break. I wouldn't burn any bridges though. As people age, their needs change. She might not be the best fit for you right now. I bet she would be hurt and shocked if you totally ditch her though, or would she?

This is a pretty unfair assessment, given that this OP has been there for the jerk friend and her kid. It sounds like OP provided her the kind of support I get from my mom and sister while she was a new mother. That is a pretty heavy lift. This behavior didn't start once this friend became a mother though, did it? Has she always treated you like this? If so, cutting her loose is definitely best for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't have to end it. What you have to do is empower yourself. You decide. You decide how much contact you want to have - - and here's the important part - - - schedule it. Schedule it for your convenience. Put it on the calendar and forget it. Maybe for now it's a weekly text or call .. whatever, but you decide. Decline what makes you mad. Btw, I wouldn't plan close togetherness, that seems unnatural at this time. The relationship morph and change. At this point it's important to re-balance the power within this relationship of yours or else you will not choose to continue it. Do it. Do it on your terms (no discussion, just act) It's a good exercise for all relationships, so it's worth practicing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you don't have a kid, you can't really understand her life right now. Give the friendship a break. I wouldn't burn any bridges though. As people age, their needs change. She might not be the best fit for you right now. I bet she would be hurt and shocked if you totally ditch her though, or would she?

This is really good advice and a good question to think about. Your friendship is maturing like a fine wine. Let it and remember to rotate.

[Anonymous]

Waaay TL, totally DR. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you don't have a kid, you can't really understand her life right now. Give the friendship a break. I wouldn't burn any bridges though. As people age, their needs change. She might not be the best fit for you right now. I bet she would be hurt and shocked if you totally ditch her though, or would she?

This is a pretty unfair assessment, given that this OP has been there for the jerk friend and her kid. It sounds like OP provided her the kind of support I get from my mom and sister while she was a new mother. That is a pretty heavy lift. This behavior didn't start once this friend became a mother though, did it? Has she always treated you like this? If so, cutting her loose is definitely best for you.

Op here- yes, she’s always been this way but when we were in our late teens and early 20s I just let it slide. She was always the type of person who expected favors or expected you to be there when she needed you at the drop of a hat but if I needed her for something or a favor....silence. For example- last year her husband needed help emptying a storage unit and she asked if my husband could help for an hour. He ended up going and helping for 4 hours because you know that’s what friends do. A few weeks later, my husband went and helped her husband move heavy furniture into their new place. Well back in December when my husband and I were moving into our new place, I texted her and asked if her husband could help mine for THIRTY minutes just move a couch, bed and tv stand into our new place and guess what? She didn’t respond all day and then the next day just texted me “how’d the move go?”.

So yeah, she’s always been like this but it’s just really started to get to me over the last few months when I’ve really started to realize how one sided our friendship is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you don't have a kid, you can't really understand her life right now. Give the friendship a break. I wouldn't burn any bridges though. As people age, their needs change. She might not be the best fit for you right now. I bet she would be hurt and shocked if you totally ditch her though, or would she?

Op here- Well so far she doesn’t seem to care. Haven’t talked to her or heard from her since Saturday. I unfriended her two days ago and last night I sent a text just explaining how I’ve felt and how I felt like our friendship needed a break, etc. Never got a response so safe to say she doesn’t give a shit which doesn’t surprise me.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't sound like a friend at all.

I hope she's not your only friend. It will be tough not to engage, but honestly I wouldn't. I know people said because of the length of the friendship blah blah that she deserves a conversation but I wouldn't even do that.

There's nothing to suggest she was ever your friend and sounds like a user. Your mistake is that you didn't cut her off sooner. It might have been drastic but I'd stick to the decision and not go back and forth.

True friends don't treat each other worse than strangers. Totally ghosting you in times of need and not responding should be dealbreakers in any relationship - especially considering that you've called her your "best friend". You've certainly been hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you don't have a kid, you can't really understand her life right now. Give the friendship a break. I wouldn't burn any bridges though. As people age, their needs change. She might not be the best fit for you right now. I bet she would be hurt and shocked if you totally ditch her though, or would she?

Op here- Well so far she doesn’t seem to care. Haven’t talked to her or heard from her since Saturday. I unfriended her two days ago and last night I sent a text just explaining how I’ve felt and how I felt like our friendship needed a break, etc. Never got a response so safe to say she doesn’t give a shit which doesn’t surprise me.

PP here. Stop texting her. Really.

[Anonymous]

I think it's better to let things fade than to be so drastic as to unfriend someone OP. You might regret being so drastic some day.

[Anonymous]

First, let me say that you have been an amazing friend.

It's hard to cut someone out that you have known for so long. I've been there, and ultimately we became friends again after a couple of years of no talking. I could probably go without the relationship starting back up again but she reached out to me at a weak point and I contacted her back. We are better than we used to be but not as close, if that makes sense.

You have to do whats right for you. She will never give you the type of friendship that you give her. NEVER. If cutting her out makes you lonely or miss the inside jokes you two share from being 16 years old, you have to decide what you want more. A friend that's there for you 1/2 of the time but you share years of memories with. Or cut her out completely and gain more time focusing on positive relationships but losing that long (sometimes only) childhood-adulthood friend. To me, the latter is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, let me say that you have been an amazing friend.

It's hard to cut someone out that you have known for so long. I've been there, and ultimately we became friends again after a couple of years of no talking. I could probably go without the relationship starting back up again but she reached out to me at a weak point and I contacted her back. We are better than we used to be but not as close, if that makes sense.

You have to do whats right for you. She will never give you the type of friendship that you give her. NEVER. If cutting her out makes you lonely or miss the inside jokes you two share from being 16 years old, you have to decide what you want more. A friend that's there for you 1/2 of the time but you share years of memories with. Or cut her out completely and gain more time focusing on positive relationships but losing that long (sometimes only) childhood-adulthood friend. To me, the latter is better.

I experienced almost the exact same situation. We became friends at 14 and stopped speaking in our mid-30s. Honestly, I should've cut her out long before I did. It was a very unhealthy and toxic friendship that I kept out of loyalty (on my part) and out of a shared history. The toughest issue for me was that we shared many mutual friends, so there were some awkward moments. Unlike PP, I wouldn't respond if she contacted me at this point as I don't need an unnecessary drama or attitude in my life. It will likely be hard at first and you'll probably mourn a lost friendship, but it will likely be worth ending it completely to rid yourself of someone who ultimately wasn't really a best friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you don't have a kid, you can't really understand her life right now. Give the friendship a break. I wouldn't burn any bridges though. As people age, their needs change. She might not be the best fit for you right now. I bet she would be hurt and shocked if you totally ditch her though, or would she?

Op here- Well so far she doesn’t seem to care. Haven’t talked to her or heard from her since Saturday. I unfriended her two days ago and last night I sent a text just explaining how I’ve felt and how I felt like our friendship needed a break, etc. Never got a response so safe to say she doesn’t give a shit which doesn’t surprise me.

It doesn't mean she doesn't give a shit.

She's either hurt and punishing you back, or just over the drama.

Either way, you said your piece and carried out the grand gesture of unfriending, so now you need to move on.

If you keep engaging, and she keeps withholding, you'll feel worse and worse.

[Anonymous]

Some people drain you with their problems and issues. You are obviously there for her more. A lot of relationships are one-sided. I think you will be ok without any communications with her. You sound caring so it's possible that at some point she will contact you and need your help again. If that happens, just say you are busy. Try to make new friends.

At the same time, your TTC issue could be draining her too. It might be serious to you but she might not comprehend it all and don't know what to say about it. Sometimes, when we don't have experience with something, we don't know what to say. Some people are good providing sympathy and some empathy but others are not-we can't find the solutions to your problems. But, you were always there to provide the solutions to her problems. Healthy relationships should be helpful and beneficial to one another. It's not all about me, me, me and it's not all about you, you, you or and not all about the baby baby baby.

[Anonymous]

Slow fade. Or just straight up ghost her.