Bay Area Mom Cliques

[Anonymous]

This all might be true for tech, but (despite what the media would have you believe!) most people in the Bay Area don't work in tech (or in finance or big law, where this might also be true).

Yes to the costs being exorbitant, but most East Bay families we know (including ours) still have two working parents. We personally know five SAHPs that I can think of and three of the five are dads. Only one has a spouse who works in tech; the other four are middle income families who have just lived here long enough to have low housing costs locked in (which is also a Bay Area/California oddity due to Prop 13).

Maybe it's very different in Silicon Valley or SF proper, but if so--come to the East Bay, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found there were more SAHM in the Bay Area.

This is true in many of the suburbs. In San Francisco itself, however, the opposite is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found there were more SAHM in the Bay Area.

This is true in many of the suburbs. In San Francisco itself, however, the opposite is true.

^In all but the most wealthy SF neighborhoods & at some of the expensive SF private schools, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coast are power women; west coast (sadly) are SAHM, especially bay area:

1. Silicon Valley is frighteningly sexist
2. Costs are more extreme -- commute, daycare, etc so it's cheaper to have a SAHP.
3. Work hours are crazy (more like NY) so unless you have family, it becomes impossible to have two WOHP.
3. Incomes are crazy (more like NY) so many families can afford SAHP.

That said, I cannot think of a single one of MY friends who don't work at all -- but it is etsy, teaching, tutoring, volunteering -- it's not a power job (except my single friends).

1. Not true, especially compared to DC
2. True
3. Not true, unless you are a startup engineer or you are adding a crazy connote
4. True if you are in tech and include options

#3 -- most "normal" people I know there (normal meaning non execs, people who didn't make money from IPOs) who have kids have two working parents because it's so dang expensive there. I was able to only be a sahm when I moved to the DC area. No way we could afford to do that if we still lived in SF Bay Area.

[Anonymous]

I think you are just feeling nostalgic. It could be that at another school in your area you could find your people. I have been a SAHM/WOHM both here in the bay area. I made nice friends (still great friends) as a SAHM but I know that some moms did find our school to be cliquey. TBH they were usually moms who have kids that are a little hard to get along with. We moved and my kids are at different schools and I definitely haven't clicked with any of the parents at my younger child's school. People are nice but it isn't my group, KWIM? My closest friends are the moms I met when our kids were in preschool together. I think you need to just keep trying, but don't think it will just be easier in the bay area. I think it is just luck if you end up in a place where you connect with some other families.