DD wants to scale down for college? Looking for advice

[Anonymous]

Very sad and creepy to me that in this day and age people are counselled to take into account their daughter's attractiveness when choosing her career path. Really, what is this, the Victorian Age? Are there still women who bank on "marrying up" or using their looks to guarantee a lifestyle. That is so old fashioned and sexist. Plus, it's very shaky foundation to build your future on. And not way to build self esteem in a female human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very sad and creepy to me that in this day and age people are counselled to take into account their daughter's attractiveness when choosing her career path. Really, what is this, the Victorian Age? Are there still women who bank on "marrying up" or using their looks to guarantee a lifestyle. That is so old fashioned and sexist. Plus, it's very shaky foundation to build your future on. And not way to build self esteem in a female human being.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2018-01-09/the-high-end-workouts-women-are-signing-up-for-to-become-the-boss

It has nothing to with marrying up or hooking a "provider." as the saying goes on DCUM.

Look around in the top cities in the top fields - athletic/thin women have better job opportunities. Read the link from bloomberg. It was written last month.

Except that if a woman wants to clinch that CEO title, her level of fitness matters more. “What we find is that investors look into this stuff,” says Limbach. “They’re interested in whether CEOs are physically fit or not.

This filters down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you don't take this the wrong way OP but the girls that I see doing this (and turning out successfully) are from wealthier families, have strong built in networks through their family, are attractive & athletic (not SEC bimbo type attractive but vineyard vines type pretty and stay pretty throughout their lives), and are sociable.

They go to nice mid-level small private colleges and end up doing well in life (both in career and dating/mating) because they have a lot going for them and don't really need the benefit of a 'top school'.

This wouldn't work for an introverted, homely type girl who might need the branding and network of a top school to get where she wants to be.

You are an epic imbecile. What on earth does physical attractiveness have to do with anything? I really hope you don’t have any children.

[Anonymous]

UWisconsin Madison looked like a great place for that.

[Anonymous]

Very smart. To go from a pressure cooker top area private to a pressure cooker college is not always the smartest path. So many ways to find success and to be happy. Our neighbor went to a big state school in the mid west, graduated tippyctop of her class, and is at Harvard for med school now. Best of luck to your DD. Sounds like she has a great head on her shoulders.

[Anonymous]

I went to a college that sounded like too much of a pressure cooker to me even at the time, but the college counselors at my top private pushed me toward it and I was flattered to be accepted. I severely disliked my time there. It did not propel me into a phenomenal career. It just exhausted me and burned me out.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the replies so far and I will be researching all of these options.

And by the way, we are not wealthy. We are on financial aid. So please end the obnoxious posts of she could get somewhere with wealth and looks anyway.

Also, I am by no means thinking scaling down equals the classes will be so easy she doesn’t have to study. But I have read posts in college confidential about even honors courses are not as challenging as kids thought at some state schools or kids just not into college and skipping classes. I am sure you get there in a lot of schools though.

But I agree. It is okay to pick 1 or 2 reaches along with other colleges but my gut is telling me she is serious. I think she will thrive in the middle of the road school. Just tough finding matches no matter what.

Keep the posts and ideas coming. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I imagine she should look at schools with strong majors in the area that she is passionate about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you don't take this the wrong way OP but the girls that I see doing this (and turning out successfully) are from wealthier families, have strong built in networks through their family, are attractive & athletic (not SEC bimbo type attractive but vineyard vines type pretty and stay pretty throughout their lives), and are sociable.

They go to nice mid-level small private colleges and end up doing well in life (both in career and dating/mating) because they have a lot going for them and don't really need the benefit of a 'top school'.

This wouldn't work for an introverted, homely type girl who might need the branding and network of a top school to get where she wants to be.

I am a brown haired, Northern-raised, slightly above average looking SEC grad with a law degree and a fantastic job I got straight out of school. Am I an SEC bimbo? Can you define what an SEC bimbo is and your basis for saying that? Is it because their football teams have cheerleaders on TV? Is it because you spend a lot of time at SEC schools and know what the student bodies are actually compromised of? Do you have any brain at all in that peahead of yours?

[Anonymous]

another thing to consider that I'm not sure has been mentioned, but if she went to a smaller LAC or other well regarded large state school where she'd be the "big fish" so to speak, there'd likely be a lot more scholarship opportunities which would set her up in a much better situation financially for when she graduates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, first of all when it comes time for college applications, I would not try to shield her from rejection. Pick reaches. But also pick safeties. Pick some large publics. And a small college or two. Choices. A wide spectrum. Once she knows it really is her choice, once acceptances are IN, it will be very empowering. Seniors can change a lot from Fall to May, what they want, where they view themselves fitting-in. Trying to figure it out now, I think, is too soon.

Amen to that.

[Anonymous]

"OP, first of all when it comes time for college applications, I would not try to shield her from rejection. Pick reaches. But also pick safeties. Pick some large publics. And a small college or two. Choices. A wide spectrum. Once she knows it really is her choice, once acceptances are IN, it will be very empowering. Seniors can change a lot from Fall to May, what they want, where they view themselves fitting-in. Trying to figure it out now, I think, is too soon."

I support this idea. I would double down on it to stress, large publics (in or out of state). They allow you to remake the decision during college if you want to. Being large everyone can find a place. Every large public, even the UCs have stronger and weaker departments or you can get a BA in 5 years rather than a BS in 3.5. It's easy to add a second major (or a crazy phd level capstone project) if your DD decides that her HS senior self was lazy and unmotivated and she now wants to kick some #$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:another thing to consider that I'm not sure has been mentioned, but if she went to a smaller LAC or other well regarded large state school where she'd be the "big fish" so to speak, there'd likely be a lot more scholarship opportunities which would set her up in a much better situation financially for when she graduates

+1

[Anonymous]

A slightly different perspective, and the topic of another recent thread, I think. It seems to me that a lot of kids around here who have knocked themselves out in high school find college surprisingly relaxed. Not as much class time, obviously, and they are generally very well prepared.

I had similar concerns for my DS, who is a HS senior right now, and we advised him to avoid schools that are known for their intense workload. But that's a pretty small subset of even the very top schools.

[Anonymous]

our son picked an honors college at a state school over several small LAC. He is thrilled with the variety of options that were limited at the LACs.
He has found his people and enjoys a close relationship with the professors.