Bullying - advice and Dcps policy

[Anonymous]

Just know that it's a lot easier for DCPS to do nothing. The bullying individual can claim targeted discipline with all that goes along with that. It's just easier to not have to deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are good citywide resources and might help you connect to someone outside the school level who could be a resource: https://ohr.dc.gov/page/bullyingprevention

Thank you!

This is listed on that page, but want to draw attention to it -- all schools are required to have a bullying prevention point of contact. You can find yours here:

https://ohr.dc.gov/page/knowyourpolicy

d

Thank you for sharing this information. I just checked, but the person listed reports to the principal.

[Anonymous]

^^^ That's DCPS bullying policy: you go in a circle until you get tired or just leave.

[Anonymous]

Can you raise the issue via the PTA/PTO. There is an element/strategy of shaming the other parents to move to a culture where they are become on the hook too for being complacent about knowing about/hearing about bullying. Present it as a the school-wide problem and that the school is getting a reputation for this - and a safe culture where all kids can learn must be a priority. You may rock some boats, but sounds like it may be needed if you are up for pushing it.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure posters will jump all over me for saying this, but do you know if the bully lives IB for Deal? If not, you should make the push that this students needs to return to his IB school. I say this as a parents whose children attend their DCPS schools as OOB students. Also review the discipline policies and cite them each time you complain. Is this student being suspended when he is supposed to be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure posters will jump all over me for saying this, but do you know if the bully lives IB for Deal? If not, you should make the push that this students needs to return to his IB school. I say this as a parents whose children attend their DCPS schools as OOB students. Also review the discipline policies and cite them each time you complain. Is this student being suspended when he is supposed to be?

OP never said it was Deal.

In fact, it probably isn't given what was said earlier about the anti-bullying coordinator reporting to the principal and what's listed on that webpage for Deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this deal? If so, could your child or the bully be switched to another team? It doesn’t solve the problem but while you work with the school and District to address the bullying it could be helpful for your son to get of this kid’s sights.

Thanks all the helpful suggestions and all the information. I may ask for my kid to be switched to a different class, my only hesitation is that DC may perceived the change as a punished since he would have to leave the friends behind, while the other kid is allowed to maintain his routine and his group. DC is already unhappy that the I have made the administrators aware of the bullying (I am sadly surprised that they didn’t see what was going on for months).

Do not move your child. He's not the problem. Since adults and kids have seen this happening, it means the bully's behavior is affecting others at school. Not just your child. The US gov't site tells schools to do this: Ask the child being bullied what can be done to make him or her feel safe. Remember that changes to routine should be minimized. He or she is not at fault and should not be singled out. For example, consider rearranging classroom or bus seating plans for everyone. If bigger moves are necessary, such as switching classrooms or bus routes, the child who is bullied should not be forced to change.

https://www.stopbullying.gov/respond/support-kids-involved/index.html


Request a meeting ASAP and suggest specific dates and times that work for you. Email the principal, school counselor/social worker, AP responsible for discipline, and advisor/homeroom teacher. If you know who it is, cc staff who may have seen the aggression. School staff are supposed to report incidents they witness.

Make it clear that you expect an action plan of what the school will do to ensure a safe and supportive environment. Winter break is a good time to rearrange seating or reassign staff to ensure the rest of the year is productive for everyone. Principals and educators get extensive training on how to create safe school settings. It's their job to come up with solutions and communicate those with you.

In the meantime, here are suggestions of things to you say to your child and to yourself.
https://www.stopbullying.gov/what-you-can-do/index.html

Your child is not the problem. Remind him that it's not his fault. He is the target of someone who has problems.

Your child is not the first to be targeted. It can happen to any of us. (Share with him any experiences you've had.) Yes, it sucks. But there are things that can be done.

You believe him, others believe him, and together you WILL find a solution keep everyone safe and focused on learning.

It's not his fault. He's not alone. Things can and will get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure posters will jump all over me for saying this, but do you know if the bully lives IB for Deal? If not, you should make the push that this students needs to return to his IB school. I say this as a parents whose children attend their DCPS schools as OOB students. Also review the discipline policies and cite them each time you complain. Is this student being suspended when he is supposed to be?

No, he is not, because there are alternatives to suspensions, including when the student threats violence. The student was suspended one time in the past (at least I know of one occasion) after the family of another victim did a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was a 5th grader moved to a new school in Fairfax county. Within a few weeks I had a bully. My mom tried to get the school to do something about it but the bully just more mad. So one day the bully as usual, began to was shove and taunt me. Decided I would try something more than avoiding and ignoring so I punched him as hard as i could, knocked him to the ground and kicked him around until administrators came. Did this in front of entire class at recess. I was suspended for a week. My mom was livid that I did this and warned me that afternoon that my dad would punish me severely. Dad came home asked what happened and ordered me a pizza (My favorite). All bullying stopped and it became easier to make friends. One of the best lessons my very imperfect dad taught me.

So basically, you're the kid in the Christmas Story? Nice to meet you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this deal? If so, could your child or the bully be switched to another team? It doesn’t solve the problem but while you work with the school and District to address the bullying it could be helpful for your son to get of this kid’s sights.

Thanks all the helpful suggestions and all the information. I may ask for my kid to be switched to a different class, my only hesitation is that DC may perceived the change as a punished since he would have to leave the friends behind, while the other kid is allowed to maintain his routine and his group. DC is already unhappy that the I have made the administrators aware of the bullying (I am sadly surprised that they didn’t see what was going on for months).

Do not move your child. He's not the problem. Since adults and kids have seen this happening, it means the bully's behavior is affecting others at school. Not just your child. The US gov't site tells schools to do this: Ask the child being bullied what can be done to make him or her feel safe. Remember that changes to routine should be minimized. He or she is not at fault and should not be singled out. For example, consider rearranging classroom or bus seating plans for everyone. If bigger moves are necessary, such as switching classrooms or bus routes, the child who is bullied should not be forced to change.

https://www.stopbullying.gov/respond/support-kids-involved/index.html


Request a meeting ASAP and suggest specific dates and times that work for you. Email the principal, school counselor/social worker, AP responsible for discipline, and advisor/homeroom teacher. If you know who it is, cc staff who may have seen the aggression. School staff are supposed to report incidents they witness.

Make it clear that you expect an action plan of what the school will do to ensure a safe and supportive environment. Winter break is a good time to rearrange seating or reassign staff to ensure the rest of the year is productive for everyone. Principals and educators get extensive training on how to create safe school settings. It's their job to come up with solutions and communicate those with you.

In the meantime, here are suggestions of things to you say to your child and to yourself.
https://www.stopbullying.gov/what-you-can-do/index.html

Your child is not the problem. Remind him that it's not his fault. He is the target of someone who has problems.

Your child is not the first to be targeted. It can happen to any of us. (Share with him any experiences you've had.) Yes, it sucks. But there are things that can be done.

You believe him, others believe him, and together you WILL find a solution keep everyone safe and focused on learning.

It's not his fault. He's not alone. Things can and will get better.

Op here, thank you! Very useful resources. I am meeting with the school early next week, hoping they will have some plan of action. A parent told me that the kid who has been bullying my kid is in detention during lunch and recess.
I understand the school won’t be able to share with me any measure related to the other kid (such as a detention). Can the school share with the bully and his family the name of the kid who has complained? Does my DC have a right also to keep his complain privately? He thinks the other kid may retaliate against him.

Thanks again for all the amazing help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Op here, thank you! Very useful resources. I am meeting with the school early next week, hoping they will have some plan of action. A parent told me that the kid who has been bullying my kid is in detention during lunch and recess.
I understand the school won’t be able to share with me any measure related to the other kid (such as a detention). Can the school share with the bully and his family the name of the kid who has complained? Does my DC have a right also to keep his complain privately? He thinks the other kid may retaliate against him.

Thanks again for all the amazing help.

Schools cannot share information on the victim with bully or their parents. They must protect targets from retaliation. Anyone who sees bullying could have reported it. It is unlikely your child is the first or only to report an incident.

Be sure you fully understand the policies and procedures. Don't be afraid to ask questions. It sounds like the school hasn't done a great job of explaining how they handle student safety.

A basic approach is safety in numbers. Make sure your child has someone with them as much as possible.

Don't leave the meeting without a clear action plan. Write on paper if necessary and ask them to copy it for you right there.

You're a great parent of a great kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Op here, thank you! Very useful resources. I am meeting with the school early next week, hoping they will have some plan of action. A parent told me that the kid who has been bullying my kid is in detention during lunch and recess.
I understand the school won’t be able to share with me any measure related to the other kid (such as a detention). Can the school share with the bully and his family the name of the kid who has complained? Does my DC have a right also to keep his complain privately? He thinks the other kid may retaliate against him.

Thanks again for all the amazing help.

Schools cannot share information on the victim with bully or their parents. They must protect targets from retaliation. Anyone who sees bullying could have reported it. It is unlikely your child is the first or only to report an incident.

Be sure you fully understand the policies and procedures. Don't be afraid to ask questions. It sounds like the school hasn't done a great job of explaining how they handle student safety.

A basic approach is safety in numbers. Make sure your child has someone with them as much as possible.

Don't leave the meeting without a clear action plan. Write on paper if necessary and ask them to copy it for you right there.

You're a great parent of a great kid!

.

Thank you. The school called the other parents’s kid and told them who has complained. Can I do anything beyond being upset?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a 5th grader moved to a new school in Fairfax county. Within a few weeks I had a bully. My mom tried to get the school to do something about it but the bully just more mad. So one day the bully as usual, began to was shove and taunt me. Decided I would try something more than avoiding and ignoring so I punched him as hard as i could, knocked him to the ground and kicked him around until administrators came. Did this in front of entire class at recess. I was suspended for a week. My mom was livid that I did this and warned me that afternoon that my dad would punish me severely. Dad came home asked what happened and ordered me a pizza (My favorite). All bullying stopped and it became easier to make friends. One of the best lessons my very imperfect dad taught me.

So basically, you're the kid in the Christmas Story? Nice to meet you.

But that was what, 30 or 40 years ago? Times have changed. There's much more awareness of the impact of bullying in schools now, and far more potential liability for admins who sit on their hands in the face of hard evidence of bullying. Collect witnesses through your kid - names, times, places...document.

Hope you follow the process assertively, persevere, maybe enroll the kid in martial arts to boost confidence. Not OK for admins to ignore your concerns. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a 5th grader moved to a new school in Fairfax county. Within a few weeks I had a bully. My mom tried to get the school to do something about it but the bully just more mad. So one day the bully as usual, began to was shove and taunt me. Decided I would try something more than avoiding and ignoring so I punched him as hard as i could, knocked him to the ground and kicked him around until administrators came. Did this in front of entire class at recess. I was suspended for a week. My mom was livid that I did this and warned me that afternoon that my dad would punish me severely. Dad came home asked what happened and ordered me a pizza (My favorite). All bullying stopped and it became easier to make friends. One of the best lessons my very imperfect dad taught me.

So basically, you're the kid in the Christmas Story? Nice to meet you.

But that was what, 30 or 40 years ago? Times have changed. There's much more awareness of the impact of bullying in schools now, and far more potential liability for admins who sit on their hands in the face of hard evidence of bullying. Collect witnesses through your kid - names, times, places...document.

Hope you follow the process assertively, persevere, maybe enroll the kid in martial arts to boost confidence. Not OK for admins to ignore your concerns. Good luck.

Yes, times have changed. But knocking the crap out of someone can be the most expedient way to deal with a bully. I'm glad that schools are actually doing something about bullying but helping your child to overcome the bullying by implementing some type of plan (may just be verbal) can boost his or her confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a 5th grader moved to a new school in Fairfax county. Within a few weeks I had a bully. My mom tried to get the school to do something about it but the bully just more mad. So one day the bully as usual, began to was shove and taunt me. Decided I would try something more than avoiding and ignoring so I punched him as hard as i could, knocked him to the ground and kicked him around until administrators came. Did this in front of entire class at recess. I was suspended for a week. My mom was livid that I did this and warned me that afternoon that my dad would punish me severely. Dad came home asked what happened and ordered me a pizza (My favorite). All bullying stopped and it became easier to make friends. One of the best lessons my very imperfect dad taught me.

So basically, you're the kid in the Christmas Story? Nice to meet you.

But that was what, 30 or 40 years ago? Times have changed. There's much more awareness of the impact of bullying in schools now, and far more potential liability for admins who sit on their hands in the face of hard evidence of bullying. Collect witnesses through your kid - names, times, places...document.

Hope you follow the process assertively, persevere, maybe enroll the kid in martial arts to boost confidence. Not OK for admins to ignore your concerns. Good luck.

The great part of the story is that your dad understood and empathized with you. It's not the punching that was the great lesson-- it's supporting your kid when he's down and empathizing with him unexpectedly.