Am I overreacting? Under reacting?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like this is on the daycare bus and not school bus. Is that right? I would still do everything suggested above, but it sounds like you need to do the same at the daycare. Sounds like the issue is there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's not sexual harassment. It's not.

It is hitting and name-calling. Moving your DD away from him seems like a smart move, not a punishment. He is probably getting some sort of consequence, but you will not hear about it, because he is a student who has a right to privacy just as your DD does.

The victim should not be punished by being moved. It's the boy who is causing trouble. He needs to be moved ASAP not the girl.

OP talk to the school, I would absolutely raise hell if this happened to my daughter, and probably threaten a law suit for sexual harassment since it's on record as happening multiple times. No boy should be putting his hands on a private area of another child. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's not sexual harassment. It's not.

It is hitting and name-calling. Moving your DD away from him seems like a smart move, not a punishment. He is probably getting some sort of consequence, but you will not hear about it, because he is a student who has a right to privacy just as your DD does.

Of course it is sexual harassment and it is bullying. The boy should be suspended for a week and when he returns he sits immediately behind bus driver. If there is another incident he is expelled.

Personally, I would raise holy hell.

[Anonymous]

Do you know any of the parents of other girls on the bus? I'd contact them.

[Anonymous]

Almost 100% agreement, OP. A rarity for DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is on the daycare bus and not school bus. Is that right? I would still do everything suggested above, but it sounds like you need to do the same at the daycare. Sounds like the issue is there.

If you make enough of a noise, you may get the boy kicked out of daycare. What would be more straightforward would be for you to move your DD out to a different aftercare. This one doesn't sound fabulous anyway.

[Anonymous]

Call back the school and raise a stink.
Demand that boy's parents be notified.
Demand that he be put in front row of bus, and he must keep his hands to himself or he gets kicked off bus.
Be the squeaky wheel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's not sexual harassment. It's not.

It is hitting and name-calling. Moving your DD away from him seems like a smart move, not a punishment. He is probably getting some sort of consequence, but you will not hear about it, because he is a student who has a right to privacy just as your DD does.

It IS sexual harassment. And it’s sexual assault.

Threaten to file charges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's not sexual harassment. It's not.

It is hitting and name-calling. Moving your DD away from him seems like a smart move, not a punishment. He is probably getting some sort of consequence, but you will not hear about it, because he is a student who has a right to privacy just as your DD does.

It IS sexual harassment. And it’s sexual assault.

Threaten to file charges.

I agree that the boy should be the one moved, but think some of these responses are way over the top.

For example, it may be harassment and assault, but 9-year-olds know little about sex and are not raving hormonal lunatics just yet. Moreover, 9-year-olds are seldom charged with any crime because they simply lack the mental capacity to understand the seriousness of their actions. He is 9, and potentially ruining his life with expulsion or charges before seeing whether the issue can be resolved with the school seems like overkill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I'd be at the school tomorrow morning to follow up with the email I sent tonight to the teacher, after-care, principal, etc. saying that the boy is to be kept away from DD. DD is not to be made to move HER seat. He loses his privilege of sitting where he wants NOT her, because HE is the one who does not behave properly. Screw that.

At the very least he should be the one sitting in the front seat.

Absolutely!!! OP, when my son was in 2nd or 3rd grade he was hitting (shoving mostly - but being obnoxious and misbehaving) other kids and when the school told me about it they moved my son to the front of the bus. It absolutely worked and stopped his behavior.

That is the appropriate first step the school should take. Your daughter should in no way have to be restricted to the front because she's the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have a scorched earth policy on this one OP.

Me too. This is something your DD needs to see you stand up for her about. And the focus on her belly and butt are absolutely sexual harassment, even if the kid is saying it to be "gross" rather than to be "turned on." He knows it makes her feel embarrassed because she's a girl, he's a boy, and he wants to see her naked body parts.

No kid should have to worry about being hit and teased on the bus. That kid should be sitting next to the driver or off the bus. It sounds like they know he's a problem, but that's it's too much trouble to fix. Too bad. You make them fix it.

I hate to be a troublemaker, but I'd be making trouble about this.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like this is aftercare run by the school, since mom said the school called to discuss today's incident.

OP, is the school suggesting your daughter is "too sensitive" and needs to "toughen up?" Is that why they called? She's 7. They sound awful. Make them do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and I'd get DH on this, too. Gender bias can sometimes work in your favor -- authorities are more likely to believe something deserves serious attention if a man says they should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely he should be the one who has to sit up front, not your DD.

I have a 3rd grade boy. They aren't angels and can be a little maddening at times, but what you describe is NOT normal 3rd grade boy behavior, and absolutely should be dealt with seriously.

I agree with the PPs who say they'd have an in person meeting. Your question is "how will you ensure a safe environment for my child, without restricting MY child's activities."

+1000

I'd also be very clear with my DD that what the boy did was absolutely wrong. That she did the right thing by telling you and other adults. And that you will work hard to be sure she is safe on the bus and this boy does not hit her anymore.

Our kids need to hear loud and clear that we take their safety concerns seriously and we will use our power to keep them safe.

This is not a kids-being-kids kind of situation. An older boy is hitting her and she needs to know you take it -- and her -- seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I'd be at the school tomorrow morning to follow up with the email I sent tonight to the teacher, after-care, principal, etc. saying that the boy is to be kept away from DD. DD is not to be made to move HER seat. He loses his privilege of sitting where he wants NOT her, because HE is the one who does not behave properly. Screw that.

THIS.

He is also doing it to other girls so moving your daughter to the front is not preventing the behavior. Email tonight.