DS 13 Organization Failure - Need Quick Opinions!

[Anonymous]

Your kid is struggling with organization. You are inconsistent. You don't have systems that work. Yes, you take it to him. And then, you brainstorm for ideas to be sure it doesn't happen anymore. If your child were not struggling, but being lazy or not cooperating with successful systems that you had put in place or was refusing to try new systems, then maybe you don't take it. But here it seems like you are punishing him for not yet having the skills to be successful.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that refusing to take it to him helps him learn how to deal with the problem, though. It will just make him stop calling you about it.

I agree with a new system - checklists, visual, watch him check his stuff the night before, something. But that's separate from making sure he can play today.

[Anonymous]

My child is very ADD, this may be an indication of ADD more than anything else.

[Anonymous]

OP here with quick update. I arrived at the event with his things in the car and when I got there - surprise - he was already playing. He had borrowed the missing item from another teammate or the coach. I guess there is a small victory there, in learning how to solve the problem for himself, without calling me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with quick update. I arrived at the event with his things in the car and when I got there - surprise - he was already playing. He had borrowed the missing item from another teammate or the coach. I guess there is a small victory there, in learning how to solve the problem for himself, without calling me.

Excellent!

[Anonymous]

You are a great mom. And I too struggle with natural consequences vs my kid failing; for us it’s schoolwork and band instrument/music.And it’s particular hard decision when you’re dealing with permanent grades or a commitment he made to a team.

I love the feedback too... as it gives me something to think about. I can let him suffer the consequenc3s only after I have helped equip him with the tools and building the skills.

[Anonymous]

Great problem solving! Now work to avoid regular mishaps. Routines are important. I have 3 kids to get out the door and I go directly to work and then to activities. We have a list on the front door that has each person and their daily activities. We check it the night before and gather dance bags, water bottles, library books, music instruments, etc. right at the door (and on days we have a lot - it goes right into the car!). Backpacks and lunchboxes get added in the morning.

Activity bags have checklists on them (because dance clothes and water bottles are taken out each time and need reminding to be replaced) I typed a list and it’s in a name badge holder tied to the handle or tucked in the side.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is struggling with organization. You are inconsistent. You don't have systems that work. Yes, you take it to him. And then, you brainstorm for ideas to be sure it doesn't happen anymore. If your child were not struggling, but being lazy or not cooperating with successful systems that you had put in place or was refusing to try new systems, then maybe you don't take it. But here it seems like you are punishing him for not yet having the skills to be successful.

I know he was able to work out this particular issue, I totally agree with this poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is struggling with organization. You are inconsistent. You don't have systems that work. Yes, you take it to him. And then, you brainstorm for ideas to be sure it doesn't happen anymore. If your child were not struggling, but being lazy or not cooperating with successful systems that you had put in place or was refusing to try new systems, then maybe you don't take it. But here it seems like you are punishing him for not yet having the skills to be successful.

This.

Op, there are a slew of organizational ideas out there. One is you have a launch pad for getting out the door. Doesn't have to be elaborate but a place with everything packed up for the next day. Set a time by which this happens every night.

[Anonymous]

I would take it but I would also say that I was going to use that half hour I now will use to drive the equipment to school to vacuum the house/fold laundry/dishes etc... so that chore will now fall on him.

[Anonymous]

We are an ADHD family. Even with meds, it's difficult for the more affected among us to remember their stuff in the midst of constantly running behind.

So I always bring stuff to my 12 year old, because I can see he puts in a lot of effort already and doesn't forget his things too often. If he was lazy, it would be a different story.

You know your own kid best, OP.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and he would pay me the time back tomorrow in yard work. Plus, next week he wouldn't just confirm he packed but show me the night before.

If found learning from failure generally taught my kid he was a failure. Forcing cooperation with preparing properly taught him he could succeed.