Manipulative "Friend"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tey to point out "drama" with girls, just not in an accusatory way. Talk more about the situation and ask questions, how did you feel when the plans were changed? Oh, so you wanted to spend time with just Y, but X invited herself? What could you say next time? Make sure you have a polite but firm response ready to model. Give your children strategies to stand up for their wants and needs, and not become people pleasers. It isn't rude for two friends to go to a movie and not invite another one.

In the grand scheme of things this one kid is very small and it seems like she's not toxic or a bad influence, just a manipulator. This is annoying and will eventually get her excluded from activities because now that the kids are in MS, parents for the most part aren't forcing their children's social groups.

No, but it is rude for two friends to make plans to go to a movie in front of someone they aren't inviting. Or discuss their plans to go to a movie in front of someone they aren't inviting. If they don't want to include her, then they need to stop making plans in front of her.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I had to read your post a few times so I could understand. I think I got it. Girls make plans (3 to a movie) and this girl basically says: "I can go too, you don't own the theater." If this is correct, then let me say that it sounds like this girl is reacting to feeling left out. Some girls would quietly take the hurt and not make a big deal, but this girl obviously reacts differently. I would recommend that you talk to your daughter and let her know that it is insensitive to talk about plans to go out in front of a friend that has not been invited. I think that should solve the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I had to read your post a few times so I could understand. I think I got it. Girls make plans (3 to a movie) and this girl basically says: "I can go too, you don't own the theater." If this is correct, then let me say that it sounds like this girl is reacting to feeling left out. Some girls would quietly take the hurt and not make a big deal, but this girl obviously reacts differently. I would recommend that you talk to your daughter and let her know that it is insensitive to talk about plans to go out in front of a friend that has not been invited. I think that should solve the drama.

Not the OP, but that's what it sounded like to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I had to read your post a few times so I could understand. I think I got it. Girls make plans (3 to a movie) and this girl basically says: "I can go too, you don't own the theater." If this is correct, then let me say that it sounds like this girl is reacting to feeling left out. Some girls would quietly take the hurt and not make a big deal, but this girl obviously reacts differently. I would recommend that you talk to your daughter and let her know that it is insensitive to talk about plans to go out in front of a friend that has not been invited. I think that should solve the drama.

Not the OP, but that's what it sounded like to me.

+1

OP here. Agree entirely. I think (for example) that one girl might mention it on purpose - without checking with the other girls, then the chaos ensues. (That) one girl is better friends with her than the other friends are (and that one girl seems "the more the merrier" type - which is actually how I look at things, so I am not sure what to do...) I do like the idea of trying to get everyone on the same page i.e.: either make sure everyone is invited, or shut it.