I do not feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny watched TV all day. I didn't read until I was 6 and a half but can still tell you every As the World Turns character from 1983. I still managed to somehow go to Yale and lead a successful life. It's a lot of silliness, the things we worry about today. It's a wonder we all survived.

Ha! I am actually sad that soaps are dying out and I won't be able to share ATWT with my son -- it's been a nice bonding thing for me with the older women in my family. (I am one of the moms who won't turn the TV on when he's in the room btw, but know he'll eventually watch some TV as it's part of our culture.)

[Anonymous]

Amen! My mom (who worked outside of the home my entire childhood) keeps reminding me that my love of chocolate milk and fruit loops, and my ability to remember every episode of Fantasy Island and Charlie's Angels (not to mention General Hospital) didn't come out of thin air!

[Anonymous]

Yes, thank you, thank you! I think new moms are are the height of vulnerability and even the most secure of us feel guilty for things that are ridiculous! Sometimes I have to wean myself from reading this site for a few days so I can get myself in check. So glad to read this post today. Thank you! Let's keep the positive energy up and push the sanctimommies over the edge!

[Anonymous]

Actually, tv usage as background noise is more harmful than plopping your kid in front of a 30 min video. Their brain can't focus on anything and is constantly wiring to the tv noise. So, please turn it off as background. Maybe you would've graduated cum laude in 3 years if you didn't use the tv as background noise.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I have to call BS on this one. I don't think you can make that many choices out of personal convenience, knowing there are healthier alternatives for your child, without feeling a bit guilty. We're just not wired that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I have to call BS on this one. I don't think you can make that many choices out of personal convenience, knowing there are healthier alternatives for your child, without feeling a bit guilty. We're just not wired that way.

Context, context. OP did not list all of the many things she may have (likely has?) sacrificed or chosen for her children -- she's listed the stuff that total strangers feel entitled to get all up in her grill about. Besides, convenience vs healthier is also in the eye of the beholder sometimes and I think that's part of the point of this thread too. I've gotten shit for failing to sleep train, for failing to be more disciplinarian, etc., and this is not because these moms are urging me to do what they think is more convenient but because they righteously believe their way is the right way and I am damaging my child! I am totally willing to shake hands with OP, different as our choices may be, and say live and let live.

[Anonymous]

Oh yes... here come the "guilt heapers".

OP, you are BAD BAD BAD! Evil evil mother. They should take your mothering license away. Of COURSE you feel guilty for jeopardizing your baby's health and development (I mean, really... how can you NOT feel guilty for not making homemade all-organic baby mash combining all four food groups and a healthy dose of antioxidants?). That's why you posted. To ease your guilt.

as the poster above said, "We're" (i.e. all mothers on this Earth) not wired that way.

You simply MUST be wracked with guilt. I hope you find a good psychotherapist to help you through your guilt.



Just kidding. Here's to guilt free living. Cheers OP.

[Anonymous]

I had to crack up at the ATWT and General Hospital post! Something similar happened this week. My mom had Monday off so a few minutes after one I called to see if she was watching Angie and Jessie reuniting on All My Chldren..

OP, you have no reason to feel guilty! Be the best mom YOU can be not everyone else can be!

[Anonymous]

I love something my doctor said to me when my baby was just born. I was nervous because people were coming over and I was a wreck about letting everyone hold him and I knew my MIL would be pissed if I did not let her and everyone else kiss and goo all over him and I wanted to make her happy but I was not comfortable about it and my doctor said something along the lines of "well, who do you want to be mother of this baby? You or her?" Point being - guess what? I GET TO BE THE MOMMY! I get to decide what is right for my child and I get to be okay about it. My favorite expression these days is "Thats why I'm the mommy." My decision. Period. No one elses.

Side note - I was being rather neurotic about the holding thing, but hey, first baby and all....now I am happy to pass him around a room full of strangers...(jk, but you get my point

[Anonymous]

A psychologist friend of mine once explained the purpose of guilt to me, which I found really interesting and helpful.

I don't agree at all with the "we're not wired that way" poster, but we are "wired" to feel guilt because it exists to change behaviors that we know are dangerous/harmful/wrong. It's sort of like a moral hangover. If I feel gross enough from the last time I overindulged, perhaps I won't have the fifth martini this time. If I feel bad enough about failing to prevent my kid from drinking dish soap, perhaps I will childproof the cabinets or watch him more closely or whatever next time.

But if you analyze your situation and think through your choices and decide that your choices are good ones (even if they might be different in different circumstances) then guilt is a total waste of time. If you're not going to change your behavior, whatever that behavior is, guilt is pointless. Three cheers for the OP!

Of course we second-guess ourselves and sometimes fall into time-wasting, soul-sucking guilt about things we can't change or won't. But the OP has the right idea. Guilt has a purpose when it comes from within. If anyone tries to impose it on you, well, don't let their waste of time become yours.

[SurelyYouNest]

SPEAKING of not feeling guilty, I want to chime in and say that if I *feel* like making homemade baby food in my fair-trade, egalitarian-wood-toys, Bisphenol-A-free, omega-3 sustainable fish-eating, Mother Cruncha household (slight exaggeration but you get my drift), stop feeling so pressured to BE like me. The world's a big place, and I honestly don't have time (what with all the steaming of organic, locavore vegetables and grinding of the whole wheat kernels to soak and ferment to get the maximum nutrition) to give two scoops of sugar what YOU'RE up to, except maybe being your own funny, witty self with your own values. I probably have a lot to learn from you, so tell me about the fun stuff you're doing. Or avoid me like the plague if I am not your type. Stop presuming that people who make different choices are judging YOU and relax. Most of us are not prosyletizing. If people are really giving you dirty looks, fire away. But if someone's talking about something she loves (and trust me, I like plenty besides nutrition and health, but I am really into that too), she may just be excited about what she's up to. Not telling you that you have to drink the preservative-free, no artificial sweeteners, no synthetic dyes Kool-Aid. Just a thought. And I also *love* your no-guilt manifesto. Just think it should apply across the board (even if I decide to nurse my kids until they are in junior high).

[Anonymous]

Hey SurelyYouNest, I'm 10:59 (and 12:36 and 13:06) and I HEART you! LOL. Great post.

[Anonymous]

SurelyYouNest wrote:SPEAKING of not feeling guilty, I want to chime in and say that if I *feel* like making homemade baby food in my fair-trade, egalitarian-wood-toys, Bisphenol-A-free, omega-3 sustainable fish-eating, Mother Cruncha household (slight exaggeration but you get my drift), stop feeling so pressured to BE like me. The world's a big place, and I honestly don't have time (what with all the steaming of organic, locavore vegetables and grinding of the whole wheat kernels to soak and ferment to get the maximum nutrition) to give two scoops of sugar what YOU'RE up to, except maybe being your own funny, witty self with your own values. I probably have a lot to learn from you, so tell me about the fun stuff you're doing. Or avoid me like the plague if I am not your type. Stop presuming that people who make different choices are judging YOU and relax. Most of us are not prosyletizing. If people are really giving you dirty looks, fire away. But if someone's talking about something she loves (and trust me, I like plenty besides nutrition and health, but I am really into that too), she may just be excited about what she's up to. Not telling you that you have to drink the preservative-free, no artificial sweeteners, no synthetic dyes Kool-Aid. Just a thought. And I also *love* your no-guilt manifesto. Just think it should apply across the board (even if I decide to nurse my kids until they are in junior high).

Woo hoo!

[Anonymous]

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! It is so nice to read there are people out there who are not gearing up to pounce on every decision I/we make as moms and dads!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

"I agree that people shouldn't make us feel guilty for our parenting choices. I am not perfect. But I am not so comfortable in all
my choices that I can't see areas for improvement. Parenting is a constantly evolving lesson. "

I agree with this PP. I think "not feeling guilty" should not be equated with "never improving" or "screw everyone who disagrees with me, I know best and that's that!" We can all learn from other points of view. Sometimes the guilt is a good thing, b/c it forces us to evaluate our choices, and decide if we want to change something.