How do you handle bitchy co-workers?

[Anonymous]

Avoid as much as possible. Make friends with other co-workers instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For example: the ones who nitpick, attempt to undermine you or contradict what you are saying, and/or ignore you but talk to everyone else.

When I first transitioned from the public sector to private, I worked in an office with an adult mean girl squad. They were three to five years younger than me. They had been the prettiest and most popular girls at their high school I guess. They were used to getting their way. After a month of their BS, I called them out on it. They were mortified. They had no idea how obvious it was. Blunt was the best way to go.

New poster here, can you please give an example of what you said in that situation? Did you approach them one to one or as a group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For example: the ones who nitpick, attempt to undermine you or contradict what you are saying, and/or ignore you but talk to everyone else.

When I first transitioned from the public sector to private, I worked in an office with an adult mean girl squad. They were three to five years younger than me. They had been the prettiest and most popular girls at their high school I guess. They were used to getting their way. After a month of their BS, I called them out on it. They were mortified. They had no idea how obvious it was. Blunt was the best way to go.

New poster here, can you please give an example of what you said in that situation? Did you approach them one to one or as a group?

NP. I would also like to know what calling them out looked like.

[Anonymous]

I'd be curious to see gender breakdowns here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For example: the ones who nitpick, attempt to undermine you or contradict what you are saying, and/or ignore you but talk to everyone else.

When I first transitioned from the public sector to private, I worked in an office with an adult mean girl squad. They were three to five years younger than me. They had been the prettiest and most popular girls at their high school I guess. They were used to getting their way. After a month of their BS, I called them out on it. They were mortified. They had no idea how obvious it was. Blunt was the best way to go.

Fooled you. Yes they did. They just couldn't believe you had the sac to put it out in the open by addressing it. Passive aggressive people don't know how to deal with that. Good for you.

For me, I make a list of the behaviours I'm seeing and memorize it to address with them when the moment is right... rather than topics, because they will try to kill you with details/argue with you.

So... "Heather, Muffy.... I hear you saying you have no idea what I'm talking about, but sighing and eyerolling with every request I make of you, in addition to being oppositional with simple requests that you happily fulfill for the rest of the team, along with the not-so-subtle texting each other all day so I can hear your pinging phones triangulating as you greedily smirk and clutch your phones as I approach tips me off that you don't want to be part of the team. It would be entertaining if I didn't have work to do, so how can I help you get past this to meet your potential and be a team player?" Said in front of all the partners.

[Anonymous]

12:42 here- sorry I wasn't the poster of the original post- I just quoted what worked for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do every thing in email.
I apologize publicly for my mistakes if they try to call me out.
I just always try to be pleasant.

In short, I own my job and don't engage in their pettiness. Everyone starts to see through them eventually.

This. And by doing this, I've found that you can thaw some of the icy ones. It depends on the situation though.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, I have lots of experience with this:

Bitchy/narcissistic boss? Do less work (meet your responsibilities but forget about going above and beyond, it'll just backfire), be positive to their face and don't trash them elsewhere (no need to praise them, just be professional), and ride it out. They'll leave/be forced out eventually. If they don't leave 1-2 years into the problem, look for another job.

Bitchy coworker? Avoid like the plague. They'll eventually get a reputation but it will take a lot of time and energy, and the goal is for that time and energy not to be yours.

[Anonymous]

I try to avoid speaking or dealing with them in person and do everything in email where it's documented.

CYOA, especially for those that try to undermine or take credit for your work.

[Anonymous]

DP. I'm a nurse. Bitchy, bullying behavior is rampant in the profession. This is mostly because it's female-dominated (hate to make it about women because I am a woman, but it's well-documented) and because nurses are prone to feeling like they have little control over their work environment due to its unpredictable nature.

I deal with it by remaining professional and calm, even when I would like nothing more to confront someone or break down in tears. After all, safe patient care takes priority. I avoid gossip and don't offer too much information beyond the obvious to those who demonstrate their mean girl nature. Where I work, turnover is high (lots of people burn out, leave for less challenging specialties, or go to school), so attrition has weeded out some of the mean girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP. I'm a nurse. Bitchy, bullying behavior is rampant in the profession. This is mostly because it's female-dominated (hate to make it about women because I am a woman, but it's well-documented) and because nurses are prone to feeling like they have little control over their work environment due to its unpredictable nature.

I deal with it by remaining professional and calm, even when I would like nothing more to confront someone or break down in tears. After all, safe patient care takes priority. I avoid gossip and don't offer too much information beyond the obvious to those who demonstrate their mean girl nature. Where I work, turnover is high (lots of people burn out, leave for less challenging specialties, or go to school), so attrition has weeded out some of the mean girls.

It is not well documented. It's rampant sexism at work (convincing you that women are somehow bullies and bitches). Unfortunately, these are equal opportunity behaviors across the sexes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I'm a nurse. Bitchy, bullying behavior is rampant in the profession. This is mostly because it's female-dominated (hate to make it about women because I am a woman, but it's well-documented) and because nurses are prone to feeling like they have little control over their work environment due to its unpredictable nature.

I deal with it by remaining professional and calm, even when I would like nothing more to confront someone or break down in tears. After all, safe patient care takes priority. I avoid gossip and don't offer too much information beyond the obvious to those who demonstrate their mean girl nature. Where I work, turnover is high (lots of people burn out, leave for less challenging specialties, or go to school), so attrition has weeded out some of the mean girls.

It is not well documented. It's rampant sexism at work (convincing you that women are somehow bullies and bitches). Unfortunately, these are equal opportunity behaviors across the sexes.

Are you a nurse?
https://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=nurse+bullying&hl=en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjJzamy1OvVAhVCxFQKHZ0fAJYQgQMIJDAA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, I have lots of experience with this:

Bitchy/narcissistic boss? Do less work (meet your responsibilities but forget about going above and beyond, it'll just backfire), be positive to their face and don't trash them elsewhere (no need to praise them, just be professional), and ride it out. They'll leave/be forced out eventually. If they don't leave 1-2 years into the problem, look for another job.


Bitchy coworker? Avoid like the plague. They'll eventually get a reputation but it will take a lot of time and energy, and the goal is for that time and energy not to be yours.

I have the bitchy/narcissistic boss who's not very smart. I document everything - EVERYTHING. I have a log I started last year, which I'm continuing this year. my strategy? to be fake and friendly all while doing my job

Boss has been in this biz for many years. I don't see her moving out anytime soon. I'm sure she'll outlast me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, I have lots of experience with this:

Bitchy/narcissistic boss? Do less work (meet your responsibilities but forget about going above and beyond, it'll just backfire), be positive to their face and don't trash them elsewhere (no need to praise them, just be professional), and ride it out. They'll leave/be forced out eventually. If they don't leave 1-2 years into the problem, look for another job.

Bitchy coworker? Avoid like the plague. They'll eventually get a reputation but it will take a lot of time and energy, and the goal is for that time and energy not to be yours.

Sadly, my bitchy/narcissistic boss is the wife of the owner. She's not going anywhere

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For example: the ones who nitpick, attempt to undermine you or contradict what you are saying, and/or ignore you but talk to everyone else.

these examples seem a bit weird and subjective. are you sure you're just not bad at hearing another viewpoint on a matter?