S/O What did you gain after divorce?

[Anonymous]

I divorced with no kids. What did I gain? I made amazing strides on my career, lost 20 lbs or more, a new husband I respect, peace with myself, lots of good therapy, two kids.

I actually was coming back from a quick business trip yesterday and realized that I have at this moment everything I ever wanted and am thankful.

It has been about 8 years since the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. It took me three years to recover, but I had such a bad marriage that I had detached long ago. I don't believe there is any rule about men and women recovering in any set amount of time. Everyone is different.

What I Gained:

Peace
Confidence
A new career
Financial security
New friends (but didn't lose old ones)
A warm, calm home
More empathy for people who are struggling
Less tolerance for gossip and meaningless chatter
A broader outlook on life and the world and my future
A willingness to be vulnerable, which has deepened friendships
Less tennis, more museums and travel
Lost 15 pounds and kept it off over six years
Sanity (I was gaslighted too and still go to therapy about it.)
PEACE and control of my own destiny!

My life has improved a million times over. I'm not sure if everyone feels this way, but I think that MOST my divorced friends are overall more happy than MOST of my married friends.

But going through divorce was hell for me, and as others have written here, I thought I was literally going to die from the pain and stress.

Of course I would do it all again. My marriage was hell. It finally feels like a long time ago now.


This is awesome. Best of luck to you!

[Anonymous]

+1 to all of the PP experiences on positive things gained:
- A child in a safe environment
- Peace
- Clean, Orderly Life
- Financial Empowerment
- Self-Esteem (had been ruined over the years)
- Wisdom
- Self-Awareness (led to improved relationships)
- Full decision making authority with child
- A sex life
- Dignity
- Closure
- Snacks last much longer when I do grocery shopping

The negative:
- More laundry
- More outsourcing for basic things
- More debt
- Lower credit score (initially)
- History of divorce
- A bitter ex
- An emotionally disrupted child

All in all, I gained more positive circumstances than negative as a result of the divorce.